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Worry and Regret  

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Boo radley
(@boo-radley)

Thanks RR. Every word you wrote today reinforces my belief in myself.. Just wobbly at the mo but this place is my saviour. 

Stay safe.. Keep circulating your kindness 

My love boo 😘

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Posted : 20th March 2020 7:27 am
RouletteRegret
(@rouletteregret)

Many years from now when the current crisis is etched in history forever I will remember that I coped day to day as a responsible person. Someone who didn't need to bury myself in roulette. Someone who has finally learned how to cope with difficulty and stress and worry and concern like a responsible person. My life is good today and I intend on ensuring that it will remain good.

Im concerned about my dad who has cancer, about work about future salary about my wife’s ability to stay out of hospital and about my kids being out of school for a long period. But, I put blind faith in the system. I put faith in myself that I wont overreact by only focussing on worst case scenario and negative thoughts. I will focus on today and be positive.

This morning I’ll take the kids to school then I’m going to work for a few hours. I plan on running 5 miles this afternoon and relaxing for the rest of the day.

Take care everybody. Be safe.

RR

This post was modified 2 weeks ago by RouletteRegret
ReplyQuote
Posted : 20th March 2020 7:32 am
S.A
 S.A
(@s-687)

Well, yes, indeed. I hope that in many years time I will also be able to say to myself that I learn't to be responsible to myself and good to myself.

I feel like I have always been responsible towards other people. I have never set out to be harmful or vengeful towards another human being but to myself I have always been my hardest critic. I have always been very hard upon myself. I have never liked myself really.

Running will get us through the current crisis. Keep it up as I do the same.

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Posted : 20th March 2020 4:55 pm
RouletteRegret
(@rouletteregret)

I was reading that Russia has only had one fatality due to Covid-19 which is unbelievable considering its land mass and population. I’m sure conspiracy theorists will have a field day with that.

Ive got an early supermarket trip this morning which I’m hoping is quiet and that there is supplies on the shelves. You cant buy alcohol until 11am so Im going at 8am - should be quieter.

After that I’m having a nice 5 mile run.

Later the kids are making a time capsule and we’ll look back on that decades from now. We’ll play board games, go for walks etc.

Just got to keep going. Addiction and life is tough. Im conquering addiction and plan on dealing with life also.

RR

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Posted : 21st March 2020 7:26 am
RouletteRegret
(@rouletteregret)

I went for a six mile run yesterday which left me feeling fabulous. There was a cold wind pushing against me for much of the run but you just need to push through it. Much like life - difficult but charge on.

Going to go for a 5 mile run this morning. The sky is blue and the sun is out. Lovely.

My mum has asked me to go round this morning but I’ll let her down. My dad has stage 4 cancer and he’s a major risk. His immune system is shot to pieces so I’ll do the responsible thing and stay away. Can’t promise I wont eat her chocolates.

Who knows what will happen with work this week. We are business as usual but I suspect by Wednesday we’ll be on shutdown.

Where possible I try to end my posts with positivity. So, I am grateful that during this time I am not gambling. I would not like to be in a position where I was heavily into the cycle of playing roulette and hiding myself away in a room losing small fortunes and trying to hide those emotions to everyone else in the house. To anyone who is struggling with this you have my deepest sympathy. 

RR

ReplyQuote
Posted : 22nd March 2020 8:33 am
RouletteRegret
(@rouletteregret)

What a crazy day at work. I shut the work last night by informing both night shift and day shift. I arrived this morning to close the premises, make sure the heating is off, alarm on etc. I have not had any longer than 3 minutes off the phone since 7.15

So, I start my journey and realise that the roads are as busy as the previous day with similar volumes of traffic. We were the only business shut in the Industrial Estate we work at. And, all of our customers remain open. Absolutely mental.

I think the PMs statement last night was ambiguous at best. Essential travel is not the same as being an essential worker. If you cannot work at home and can only work in the workplace then it is essential that you travel to work to do your work. They had all day to make their statement to do it at half eight at night is ridiculous.

The scenes today in London in trains/tubes is ridiculous and not helping. A full shutdown is required and needs to be enforced to all businesses other than emergency support i.e. NHS, care workers, school, food etc. B&Q is open - what’s that all about.

Anyway, I’m inundated with worried  staff wanting to know about job security, wages etc. I’ve got customers cancelling orders. The whole thing is a mess and sadly it seems to be about work but the reality is that people are very sick and dying and its going to get worse before it gets better.

I’m now on a 3 week shutdown and I’m going to do my very best to adhere to the guidelines like a responsible person.

I’m two days away from being six months gamble free and I’m entirely grateful for this. I am lucky to be in this position- I’ve worked at it but I’m grateful for the help and support I’ve received here from a lovely, supportive bunch of people.

Take care all. Be safe.

RR

ReplyQuote
Posted : 24th March 2020 3:34 pm
RouletteRegret
(@rouletteregret)

After a very stressful day yesterday I awake to the reality that work is shut and  many businesses have made the sensible decision to close business.

Today, I will take my run, help the kids stay busy with school work and indoor activities and I’ll try to not drive the wife mad.

It makes me sad to think that the isolation situation may introduce troubled gamblers to online websites. Online gambling is the downward spiral that has the ability to ruin good people very quickly. At the bookies I could only lose what I could withdraw from the cash line. Online is a different ball game altogether. STAY AWAY from online gambling sites. They are truly awful.

RR

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Posted : 25th March 2020 8:47 am
RouletteRegret
(@rouletteregret)

Six months gamble free today.

Nice milestone and something to be grateful for. But, only today matters. Today, tomorrow and the future.

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Posted : 26th March 2020 12:34 pm
duncanmac
(@duncanmac)

RR

fella I doff my cap to you, 180 days without a punt and not a day wasted, just time spent creating change to the way you live your life.

yes tomorrow is the most important day and with regards to addiction it will always be one punt from destruction but you are walking the walk 

be continually proud 

just for today 

Duncs 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 26th March 2020 8:31 pm
S.A
 S.A
(@s-687)

Like wise my cap is doffed... good stuff on your gamble free time! 🙂

Keep running as i do the same and thanks for your support.

S.A

ReplyQuote
Posted : 27th March 2020 8:19 am
duncanmac
(@duncanmac)

RR

fella my weight loss is attributed to the fact that I have not consumed any alcohol for the past two months, I haven’t consumed any biscuits and very little in the way of chocolate to boot. Alcohol is the same as gambling for me it’s all or nothing, I cannot just have a beer or a glass of wine I will finish the bottle or however many beers I have bought and the same with biscuits, open a packet and I will eat them all, so this time I am approaching life in a completely different fashion, I have refound my desire to eat the things I enjoyed just didn’t make the effort, I like dried fruit, malt loaf and unsalted n**s and I have found I can consume them in moderation. As regards to exercise I have approached this true to my life traits I go gung ho, all or nothing and exercise is for me a healthy option, I can also measure my progress by the way I look and feel, because without doubt I feel better than I have in the past twenty five years and I equally know that mentally I benefit from excursion, I go to bed feeling a healthy tired rather than worn out through life.

 I guess to sum it up fella I am following the advice often gifted

nothing changes if nothing Changes.

just for today 

Duncs 

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Posted : 27th March 2020 10:44 am
RouletteRegret
(@rouletteregret)

Thanks for the info Duncs.

I eat way too much chocolate and crisps. I eat healthy food also and eat fruit just about everyday but almost every day I undo all my fitness and healthy eating by going on a mini binge of rubbish. It must be some of coping mechanism but it holds me back. I’m always someone who thinks they need something.

RR

 

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Posted : 27th March 2020 1:58 pm
RouletteRegret
(@rouletteregret)

Without being negative, I suspect that today will be the hardest day for many since the lockdown. In terms of the kids, no schoolwork today and it’ll be difficult keeping them inside and busy.

I plan on going for a long run later this morning. I had a brilliant run yesterday after struggling the day before. Its funny how that can happen with running. Yesterday, I was strong and fast with every mile faster than the one before. The previous day I felt done by the half way stage and couldn't wait to get to the end. I had felt devoid of energy.

After only three days of lockdown it is unimaginable to me to still be doing this in three weeks but that is what is required.

Its a lovely day outside today and I’m trying to be grateful for Spring and lighter days. I’ve been looking forward to this. I dont enjoy the darkness of winter. Going to and from work in darkness is not good and with that I become inactive but I plan on running lots and lots through these lovely mornings and light nights.

Take care,

RR

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 28th March 2020 7:39 am
duncanmac
(@duncanmac)

RR

fella I hope you had a good day yesterday 

with regards to the situation we all find ourselves in fella and especially folk like yourself with young children 

why is there so much emphasis on education 
offsted won’t be visiting to check 

have fun fella, these are new waters for everyone and I do believe that the way we live life will change as a result 

education doesn’t have to come from a book

bike riding, puncture fixing,swingball,cook, sew, garden, paint, watch a movie, watch two movies, jigsaws,board games, exercise 

and the list goes on and on 

from those things you will grow an unbreakable bond and they will have the best education as a result 

the truth is this is going to be ongoing for longer than the advertised three weeks, forecasts at best say June the professors and scientists say autumn 

Sobering 

just for today enjoy it 

Duncs

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 29th March 2020 8:58 am
RouletteRegret
(@rouletteregret)

I’m currently living the life of running six miles and then eating like a pig for the rest of the day. I’m getting more exercise but fatter. Life is tough.

Anyway, its a lovely day outside. I’ll run, eat, watch TV, play football with the kids, eat, eat, eat then go for a walk later. Who thought I’d miss my work and life’s structure so much. Its only been 5 days, I need to cowboy up a little.

RR

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Posted : 29th March 2020 9:43 am
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