Day Zero,
Where do i start.....I thought i stopped 5 years ago and did really well. Closed all the sites and start get my debts in order but for some reason last year i was worry about money as i had to support my folks and my siblings plus i got my own family and thought was ok a wee flutter but set a limit. Which is stupid as i got brave and increased it each month. lately either too much on staying at home, my mood is low and worry about money etc i just went nuts and guess what i am rock bottom again and yeah try get myself to grip again. And joined here after i closed all my accounts. Hope this is first step.
I am full of self hate just now as i been there and done that and why am i still doing this. Now totally skint and waiting for next week getting paid.
Lisa
Hi Lisa
Dont beat yourself up too much, beating yourself up slightly is good though because it shows you're aware that what you've done and how thats made you feel cant be sustained and impacts your mental health and wellbeing negatively. It's only when we accept the negative emotions that come with anything we are able to move on.
You've definitely made a good first step signing on to here from closing your accounts!. Its been tough during the lockdown for anyone especially people who would usually be in work or out with their families and keeping occupied who have the compulsion to gamble. It all seems so obvious at first. You think back to all the times you've won as they're the times that stand out in your memories and in times of financial hardship you think you can definitely do it again!. So perhaps you deposit a bit more than you should have because in your mind you were convinced something good would roll in your favour. Its only when you've been caught in that trance and that final double wagered spin rolls in empty handed you feel so stupid and guilty for what you've done. I would say don't feel stupid and have today your born again moment and try and move on from this, you're in the right place for support and guidance. There are loads of stories on here some similar to yours and some much much worse you should find some time to read a few to understand you're not alone. In times like these when people are being laid off left and right but the online casinos are as open as ever I wouldn't beat yourself up for assuming you might find some luck in those places. As we all know they occasionally pay you out a nice amount when we have the wherewithal to withdraw our money. But over time they will take it all back and more if you are not careful.
If you haven't already signed up to Gamstop I recommend it which blocks you from all UK licensed online casinos.. Also Gamban is a software that you can install on all of your devices which blocks the access to them sites in the first place for extra protection.
Best Wishes
C
Thank you, Cal.
Straight after that post I chatted to online admin and she suggested those blockers too which i look into as i said to her even i only signed 3 online account the temptation of advertising in my face on Facebook (which i keep blocking myself) and tv advert seems to pop up left right and centre.
Thank you for the kind words, i am hoping to give my bank a call too to see if they can put a block too on gambling site and then give my doctor a call to sort out my low mood as i think im doing this to have more money (hindsight i know very well its not the case but i still do it!!!) and also fill in the void to escape reality because I am so unhappy and i actually now make things worst!!!
But yes no point dwell on it now but i need get a grip and sort myself out. Get my finance and debt organise from now on....getting paid next wednesday and no more gambling!!!!
Lisa
Day 1
After took the first step, closed all my account, spoke online admin here, put block on my phone as i said even only had 3 account but i find it iritatating watching all these adverts on Facebook or TV during this lockdown which i think i gambled more and lost control to filled my void....time and being unhappy with my issue. Called doctor to get phone appointments to talk about my low mood again. So likely will be back on meds again.
I need to be positive and sort thid out once and foreall for myself and family.
So last night joined online forum for a bit and watch tv. Not sure was it a relief got and trying get it all sorted but i was exhausted and once i fell asleep before 2230hr and woke up very refresh at 630am.
Fingers crossed i keep this up and sort my financial out now.
Lisa.
Welcome Lisa. I sincerely hope you stop gambling and get your life back.
Very impressed with your determination and respect the positive steps you taken to prevent you gambling.
It is very difficult for a compulsive gambler to stop gambling but many people on the diaries have shown that it can be done and I sincerely hope that you yourself will be successful in doing so.
Wishing you every happiness on your life changing adventure.
Stephen x
Ps Some people enjoy a visit to the chatroom where they can ask questions and have a natter.
Day 2,
Thanks Stephen. Nice come back a found a lovely message. So far so good but I dont want to sound to not positive but what is the word cocky or to eager but yes I need to do this.
I analyse why i fell back and why i gambled again.....mostly because a im stupid thinking this is the way get me out of the bad and unhappy situations. Which gambling now made it worse.
So no more. 4 days time i get paid and im going use all my money - NO Spare cash - to repay my credit cards, take some cash out from the wall for just incase.. that way no money i cam gamble plus i already spoke to bank and put block in my phone.
Twice i went to bed early and today went for 5k walk with my kids. I am going to put focus on get my life back and loose weight. I gained im sure over a stone during this lockdown.
Today i got up quite early to do mine and my folks shopping as they live 10 miles away from me and vulnerabl . Treated my kids some nice snacks and new pjs so in my head i though if i didnt gamble that money i could do much more and treat myself some nice things too!!! D'uh.
Thanks for invite to chatroom, I will try again. I nipped in 2 days ago but there was someone upset so i kinda left.
I try make time to read some diaries as i had read a few and kind of hit home a bit.
Lisa x
Well done on the hard work you're putting into this already, Lisa. Hope you're still going strong!
Sorry for the delay, I opened your diary a few days ago to read and only got round to it. There are so many people in the same situation so I look forward to following your diary and everyone supporting each other.
Hope you're staying well from your last post.
Day 9
Thank T.
Haven't been check in here for few days. Been preoccupied with work, paid all mine and my parents bills as they cant go to banks etc and did food shopping for them.
Got paid on Wednesday and only got left is 2 credit card amount to come off and took money out of my bank as cash so got no money to actually gamble if i have the urge.
My head is so full try sort out my issue of low mood. Havent spokevto my doctor yet. My sibling and my best chum rely on me to keep them spirit up and both been told got makr redundancy. I feel bad i cant even offer to bail them out as i got no money but keep myself and my elder parents afloat.
Tonight once kids are in bed got a nice film...well something to drool over haha The Rock and Jason Statham with a glass of Rose.
Will try join in chatroom. hope to see some of you soon.
L.
Day 11.
Having a really emotional day and feeling can't cope. Hindsight its probably tiny issue that i cant see to see it. My mum being demanding and i trying my best as i can as well try work and look after my kids.
My oldest one said something hurtfull yesterday which i should just shake it of as he is just a kid but i cant, feeling like a failt mum.
Hopefully today fly by quickly.
L
Good morning Lisa,
I am really sorry to hear that you are having a really emotional day today and feeling that you can’t cope, but I do like how you are questioning that it will probably turn out to be a smaller issue than you currently perceive it to be. At this moment in time it does sound like you have a lot on your plate and when under stress it can be difficult to see how well you are doing.
Over the past few days, you have taken a lot of positive steps forward whilst supporting your mum, your children and working too. You are doing really well Lisa, but it’s important that as well as caring for everyone else you do try to make some time for your own well being. I know that at the moment you haven’t had time to contact your GP, but I would recommend that you give the surgery a call when you can. We look forward to seeing you again in the Chatroom soon, but please remember anytime you’d like a bit of extra support our Advisers are available 24/7 on both the Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or the NetLine
Kind regards
Kirk
Forum Admin
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
