My last bet was 10th July 2020. I am now two weeks into my recovery and I feel I am in a place to begin a diary with confidence that this time it is different and some things I talk about might just help someone else.
I am yet to access any counciling through Gamcare but I have recently been thinking about my problem and where I think it started/what my triggers really are/what are my motivations to stop?
When I look back now, I was exposed to gambling from an early age. Me and my older sister would visit my Grandparents and my Grandad would place a 50p trixie on the horses everyday. If I was there he would let me pick one of his selections. Growing up I loved going to the arcade in Blackpool/Southport and playing the 2p machines like you see on Tipping Point. I was ultra competitive as a child playing a number of sports and having a hatred of losing. I was always one of the top pupils in my school at Maths also.
These things separately seem irrelevant but they all played a small part in my gambling addiction. For example, my knowledge of Maths allowed me to calculate exactly how much I would spend in a month on bills/food and I would use this as an excuse to spend every other penny I had. Once that had gone I would work out how long it would take me to payback another X amount of debt if I extend my overdraft or my credit card allowance. Funnily enough I would always convince myself that I could make it back within a few months so it didn’t matter.
In terms of triggers, I think for the last 4/5 years it has literally just been a habit and I always had to have money on something to have my mind settled. In the early days of my addiction I think it was the competitiveness of not wanting to be beaten by the bookies.
My motivation now is simple, I am a new father (5 months) and my wife and I put the money we receive from his child benefit money (+ money people give us when he was born) into a separate account with the aim that when he is older he will have a nice sum of money to put a deposit on a house. I know that if I don’t beat this addiction that one day when I had exhausted all other revenues, I would ‘borrow’ from his pot to gamble. This is something I would never forgive myself for. I have put my wife and I in financial difficulties (approx £14k) but we are fortunate as if I don’t gamble again we will have this paid off in around 18 months and still be able to have a holiday next summer.
I see a lot of people on here talk about debt and how they can’t get over the loss but in opening up to people I have realised that there are so many people who have much bigger debts than mine that haven’t gambled a day in their life. Obviously this doesn’t change the fact that my debt is completely wasted money but I can count myself lucky that it will disappear as long as I remain bet free.
Two weeks in I don’t think I can give too much advice to people as this is still very new, but what I would say relates to the paragraph above. Don’t let your motivation to stop be your finances, I spent a few days working out how it will all be paid for but I decided I would not make myself (or my family) miserable in order to pay it off quickly. I made a plan that we can do and still enjoy our lives and that now is what is my motivation and what is going to get me through. I can be present in the time I spend with my wife and son instead of distracted and you know what?............The debt will take care of itself. Pay off what you have planned for on payday and then forget about the money until next payday because there is nothing you can do in between to pay anything else off. Thinking that way will only lead to one thought “if I gamble X I could pay my debt off X faster”
I know this is long and I don’t know whether anyone will even read it, I hope they do as it might relate to their life but just writing these things down is an amazing release and is almost like my brain convincing itself that I am doing the right thing.
Day 14 and counting, this is what life should be like! Good Luck Everyone, you deserve to be happy!
Ian
Hi
I’m new here and can relate to your story growing up being exposed to gambling from a young age , I aswell was brought up at weekend amongst uncles watching the horses and playing cards and I would join in with , then I went on to play football and a high level and exposed again where gambling is rife in a football environment.
i stayed off gambling for a year there and I’ve had 2 relapses recently losing 6k in total the last being 3 days ago. I have decided enough is enough and I’m just sick and scunnered with it not willing for it to take over my life . I’m still lucky enough I have some savings left but I’m currently saving to buy a house and this has only gave me another set back .
Im 30 years old today and I’m not letting it effect my life anymore . So all the blocks and bans are in place so that’s me not even doing a bet anymore , most my betting was live roulette.
anyway keep up the good work ??
Thanks for the reply. I have found reading other people’s stories and knowing people are reading mine and understanding it really helpful.
For instance, (please don’t take this the wrong way) but reading you say that you relapsed after a year is important for me as it is a reminder that no matter how far I get into it, I can never be complacent.
Equally, what you have done is excellent as you obviously was having a bad time and stopped before you ended up with nothing which is the hardest thing to do. It is easy to stop for a few days when you have blown everything and have no money until the next pay day, but you have realised that you don’t want to do it anymore is excellent.
That for me is why I am confident that I am serious this time because I didn’t get caught in the act or reach a point were I was forced to tell my wife. I just decided that I needed to do it and do it right.
I hope you do well and enjoy your new home when you buy it.
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