The hardest confession

Morning,

Sorry to hear about your relapse however as the saying goes "every cloud has a silver lining". Now that your wife is aware there are no more secrets and you can move forward together in recovery.

Best

This is my hope bal. tougher times ahead I’m sure, but now I’ve been honest once, I can be honest every time, day in day out, and  have a daily debrief with my wife, i think this will help me going forward, but I guess only time will tell?

Hi and welcome to the gamcare community kramllewop. I'm glad you have opened up to your wife and have that someone to talk to, I to have an amazing partner who tries her best to understand what compulsive g******ng is all about. I recently relapsed, I've been gambling for around 7 years not everyday but had around 5-6 binges lasting around 1-3 months each time in these 7 years 

I've never really admitted to having a problem until the last time which was 31 days ago, I lost everything when this happened, well I say everything but I mean my partner threw me out because of this. I lost all the bill money from my car payments to the mortgage, so she was very angry. I am now living back at home with her and the kids and feel so grateful for what I have. 

I have admitted I have a problem, I am a compulsive g@***** but now in recovery. I've started going to weekly ga meetings, counselling and also come to this forum every day which really helps, a lot !! I've come to terms with the fact that ga and this site are a part of my life now and so has my partner, shes been very supportive since I came back. I've handed total financial control over to her, put blockers in place on my phone and like said attend weekly ga meetings.

I just want you to know you are not alone and should never feel alone in this. Try joining the 100 days gf thread what mixer has cred you'll find it in one of the new members forums on here, I think it's in that one anyway. There is a lot of support in that thread.

Anyway for now I wish you the very best of luck and hope to hear from you regularly on here all the best my freind.

Everyday try to take this simple vow which is "today I will not gamble" be positive and tell yourself or Wright it down every morning you wake up, you can and will do it, a gf life is a happy one my freind. Peace out and keep it real.

Yes it can be hard but I believe there comes a point where reality does sink in and the words must come out. Its a relief for the words to come out....They wont come out as you planned them...just get them out there!

The tragedy is that is often takes the lowest of lows for this to happen

During recovery you will reflect that its the best thing you could have done. What was the alternative as secrets will just eat you up?? Even if you replace the money immediately with savings, the fact that you threw  all that money away will lead to relapses and continued gambling

Gambling addiction is long past the point where you can look at your lovely wife and children thinking they are happy and oblivious to the problem.  You cant save them when addicted with a serious illness...they were along for the ride anyway.  we could never have protected them in a bubble...what affects us will also change their lives. Just HOW and WHEN were we going to sort ourselves out so they never would have known?

They are not daft and would have found out anyway.....just the stress in your eyes, late bill payment or a missed holiday would have got them thinking...it soon becomes plainly obvious something is seriously wrong.

I would say to anyone..... keep doing the exercises. Try explaining a gambling session from start to finish. Its no wonder they were shocked and surprised because it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

The deluded feeling that I was going to win back my shopping bill that day which turned into a £1000 session loss shows a gambling addiction for what it is. A head full of lucky clover that the machines owed me a good time is pure, delusion, escapism and extremely dangerous

Its us that needed the reality check.... not them!

Best wishes to everyone on the forum

Good morning,

many thanks to you all for your kind and supportive words.

have I thought about gambling today? YES

have I acted on those thoughts? NO

i have set up 4 daily reminders on my phone with the words

”just for today i will not gamble”

I am hoping this will help to keep me focused and give me strength when I need it most.

my wife is still seemingly ok with my confession, getting me involved in family photos last night, and still talking about us all going to her mums on New Year’s Day for a celebratory dinner.

this makes me feel valued, understood and loved.

i must repay this with honesty and strength throughout my recovery.

wishing you all a successful GF day

kram 

So the wife is at work tonight, and normally this could be an opportunity to gamble, or try to gamble, knowing that I have Gamban installed on both my phone and iPad is reassuring, so once my wife goes to work at 17:15 tonight this will be my order of service.

17:30 18:15-playtime with my daughter

18:30-bathtime

18:50-daughters snack before bed.

19:15-20:00-cuddle club before bedtime

20:10-21:00-group chat, I love this part of my day, as is the case for many it feels like a permanent safe place with zero judgements.

21:00 onwards, bit of FIFA 20 on the Xbox followed by a movie, and most likely some snacks!!!

playing fifa 20 on my Xbox was a real help for me when I went 39 days GF before, I’m hoping that I can make it just as effective second time around.

I have taken a screenshot today of something that mixer had posted, this person speaks a lot of sense!

hoping to use it for inspiration as and when I need it.

stay safe and GF people!

kram

The reminders I have put in my phone seem to be really helping so far, over midway through day 2 GF and I feel content with my choice to try and lead a GF lifestyle.

urges will come and go, but actions can last a lifetime

i have taken another screenshot of some of mixers wise words.

any urges to gamble online subsided very quickly due to having Gamban on both devices.

i know I could access online sites through my Xbox if needs be, but am resisting temptation and stupidity so far.

i think my gambling habit has passed the point of online, or bookies or even bingo!!

for me it has become all about the hard end of gambling, being in a casino, feeling a real rush, and feeling entertained, however I have come to realise that it can be a very high price for just ‘entertainment’

so I don’t worry too much when I am at home, Gamban is installed, I am banned from the 2 nearest bookmakers and now my wife is aware it’s not like I can justifiably nip out for a bit, and make some lame excuse!

i do however have some worries should I ever go out, especially into town near the casinos, it is my intention to call up and ban myself from all land based casinos, but I’ve not done it yet, why I do not know???

hopefully by the time I join chat tonight I can say that I’ve done it?!

Ok, so I have made efforts to ban myself from all land based casinos, but it seems that the info that GamCare provide is outdated, with the association having seemingly ceased to trade, as it were.

the only way in which I can do it is to visit the casino in person and enrol on the SENSE self exclusion scheme.

i feel extremely driven to do this, so much so that I will be asking my wife to come to the casino with me tomorrow whilst I fill out the required forms, hopefully she will do this with me and help me to make this next step on my recovery

Perhaps try Gamstop Kram, you then won't have to rely on willpower for online casino gambling, regardless of which media you try to access it through. 

Wishing you all the best and that you stay resolute into the New Year. 

Thank you,

I am in the process of doing gamstop too

Have you offered your wife full financial control?

Making yourself accountable to someone else makes it very much harder to gamble in secret.

Not yet, but will happily do so, problem being is that my wife really isn’t into that side of a marriage, she’s all about being mum.

most likely is that I will put all restrictions in place and change my account to a Monzo or starling one where online gambling transactions are prohibited

Hi @kramllewop ,

Thank you for using our forum, this can be a really helpful tool in your recovery and as suggested in a previous post this, along with the chat room can offer some invaluable support from those in a similar situation.

Thank you for making us aware of the information regarding SENSE. We do apologise we could not give you this up to date information at the time of your contact. Please do still see https://www.nationalcasinoforum.co.uk/voluntary-self-exclusion-sense/ as it has the new details of contact to register with SENSE. Email: [email protected] or contact 0203 409 2047.

As you said, you can also attend the casino in person to be able to self-exclude from specific casinos. It sounds as though your wife is supporting you in this, which is very positive. Our helpline (0808 802 0133) and Netline services are also available if she would like any advice or support, alternatively there is a family and friends section on here (Forum) that she may find useful.

Keep posting and sharing your journey with us.

All the very best

Forum Admin.

Thank you admin.

my wife has agreed to come with me tomorrow in person to the casino, so that I can put the ban in place.