A Sense of Direction

Oh, I also sorted out my home insurance. Still with the same firm, extra super duper cover for half the price I've been paying. Happy days. 🙂

Sunday. 

Slept in late. Missed Church. S'okay. I don't mind. Sleep is important. Got breakfast in bed (toasted hot cross bun). 

Went to two supermarkets for supplies. Went home and unloaded. 

Then went to job no. 2. My friends A & L invited me to play Pokemon in the park. They've been ghosting me for over 5 months so I deleted them from FB and Twitter and Messenger and Whatsapp but not SMS cos I'm not horrible I just refuse to entertain people that ghost me. Anyways so they apologised for not responding to any of my messages and said they'd been really poor. Yeah okay, that's an excuse for ditching your mates. I take care of all of mine and I have a limited budget. Sometimes I don't see folk for ages but I make sure we get stuff booked in so people know they are still important to me. 

Anyway, we played Pokemon. My hands cramped up cos I had no gloves. We finished the battles and I went back to work (btw the dog came too and she always comes to work with me). 

After that job I went home for a brew and then went to job no. 2. I couldn't find the cleaning cupboard keys so got Hubby to check the laundry basket and sure enough they were in my jeans pocket because I am an idiot. i went home, got the keys then back to work. 

Did a good job and came home and made Lamb Shanks and Mashed Potatoes and Mixed Veg with Mint Gravy. It was lush. 

We had strawberry cheesecake for pudding. 

I got a bonus email from some casino. I told my chat buddies and they told me to ignore it. I deleted it and emptied my trash. Just incase. I am still curious as to how much they might have missed me and offered me in a bonus but I know it only leads to bother so I'm glad I got rid of it. 

Will do today's update next. 

Drama with that food your making me hungry ??‍♀️ In fact starving I’m Gunna be like pac man in the cubards in a min lol ?

Today. 

Woke up early. Hubby defrosted my car whilst I got washed and dressed. I got my work stuff together and a hot water bottle. It's that two foot long one my Mum gimme for crimbo or my birthday or whenever, I can't remember, it's just wicked on cold mornings to be warm and the heater in my car is broken (again). 

Got to work for 8.30. Think my boss nearly died of shock. He booked a meeting room for 11:05. Odd time. Very short notice. Got the invite at 11. Never a good sign. Thought it was just me and I was in bother for summat but nope, it was the whole team with people from up north on a dial in. My team is getting realigned to another department. Remember that misogynistic bully of a bosses boss I used to have? Yup, you guess it....HIM! *ANGRY MAD FACE*. 

Guess who my new boss will be? Nope, you can't guess, remember that woman that used to micro manage and if you dissapeared from your desk for 5 minutes she wanted witnesses? Yup, it's HER! 

I AM NOT HAPPY WITH THIS DEVELOPMENT. Last time that bloke bullied me and I beat him. He said he hoped we could get along and I was welcome back in his team anytime. I said I wouldn't work for your team again for all the tea in China. What if he's as petty as I am and this is his ultimate well it's your move Drama moment?! 

I cried on my friend P's shoulder. He's a good lad. I proper roared for ages. I went to a Cafe over the road and not the deli at work cos I didn't want folk to see me being wet. Anyway, P and Hubby made me laugh cos they both said you've secured an extra 8% payrise that noone else got just by using your powers of negotiation so your not worse off than you were to begin with. 

My teammates were distraught and crying too but not cos they hate f or R, they don't know them, just that they've been in the department I'm currently in for years and years and now they are being moved without being consulted. I tried to say nice things to make them feel better but I don't wanna be a liar either. I tried to talk about career development and stuff but they saw through me like distilled water. 

I've done 3 jobs tonight cos my mate A who I know from Church has decided he's scared of Corona Virus. I found out he had a date in Leeds at 7.30 so I think he's lying through his back teeth. Also, if he's so scared, why isn't he cleaning the place? It was filthy. I did it good and text my boss saying I'm doing it for the rest of the week cos the OT will make up for being messed about tonight. 

I spoke to a woman from some womans project that I filled out a survey for on Gamcare a while back. Must've been in a bad mood cos I'd put some right negative stuff so she was pleasantly surprised to find me 66 days GF. That's nice innit? Anyway, give her my story and she's gonna send it to me to proof read before they use it and ultimately I get to choose if they can. It was heavily redacted cos we only had an hour. I mean you can't tell a decent lifestory in an hour can ya?

Like to say I'm off to bed but I'm not anywhere near going to bed. 

Got a meeting at 9.10a.m with R and f and I plan on sleeping through it. I told my current boss and he laughed. I think he has the measure of me by now. 

Drama x

Aww... That work stuff can get to you but I know you have got the energy and the wits to deal with this..

I look forward to reading your diaries on how it all unfolds.. Nice to know you have the support of others at work..

I don't get these power crazed people intent in making peoples life an upset.. But.. It is as it is. 

You gave a good day today drama.. 

Take care 

Boo ???

Morning Drama,

I hope you have an easier day all round today although it sounds like you have extra work all week...

You might’ve already slept through your first meeting by now ?. Love you mate x

There's a person in distress on the bridge and everyone is gossiping about it and not being nice and I wanna go home. ?

Oh drama xx take it easy.. Love boo ?

Drama, that must be so tough. I hope the person can find the strength to come down and continue with their life. I hope others can draw on your compassion and reflect on their behaviour. Take care sweetheart x

It ended alright. Cops got her back over the railing. 

I still wanna go home and I still hate my boss. 

I am planning my outfit for a showdown with him tommoz but it all seems super pointless when he wont be my boss on Monday. Feels like he's sucking the fun outta my life just cos he's hacked off that someone stole his team. 

I could swallow his carry on but it's not in my nature. 

This will prolly make more sense of you were on chat. I will journal properly after work* 

Drama

*procrastinating all day cos I ain't doing ought for that div when I am upset. 

Hi Drama

I just wanted to pop by and say thank you for your support the other day, it means a lot. I’ve just caught up on your recent dairy and I’m sorry to hear the developments at work. I love that you stand your ground and you are you, saying it how it is. 

You've done amazing so far with over two months under your belt. You are inspiring and have so much strength and determination, don’t let anything hold you back. If I had to pick someone for a team, you would be top of my picking list as you are a fighter. 

I hope you’re day at work goes okay. 

Sending hugs

Lonely

Hi Drama,

I love your feistiness. Not enough people with feisty spirits these days!

f x

PS - was hoping you'd mention the day we're on cos I keep losing track, lol

Freda, I'm really pleased you asked cos it gives me an opportunity to talk about my favourite number. Today we are on day 68. Tomorrow we will be on day 69. I love that number and not even because of the sexual reference. It represents Ying and Yang. Total opposites but balance in all things. I am choosing to believe that as I hit my Ying/Yang day, I will let go of my gambling self and embrace my recovery self. The gambling self is the hurt child and the recovery self is the nurturing parent. Together they make the whole me. I can't wait me, to be just recovery me and no longer wanting to go back. 

Day 68. 

I did nought productive this morning cos I was still in a boo with my boss. I had fake arguments with him in my head to practise prior to our meeting at 12. I did not look at him or talk to him or anyone whilst I was in the zone. I have to win. I guess this is one reason why gambling got me hooked cos I hate losing. 

Anyways so 12 o clock comes around. We do my return to work meeting from being sick (10 days overdue) and my sick score isn't affected cos he put it against my Rheumatoid Arthritis so cos he did that I won't get penalised and lose my Summer bonus. Mans trying to be my mate for sure. Anyway, I was grateful that he did that and I relaxed a little (not a lot). Still totally on guard. 

He told me off for coming in late and blobbing that meeting. I pointed out that I told him Monday night I was doing that and he laughed. He thought it was funny. He can't do that and then try pull the team leader card the next day. He accepted that but said he had thought I was joking. I said I am funny, I accept that. I often try to be. However, I don't tell lies. If I tell you I'm doing summat, I'm doing it. 

Also, I would've added nothing good to that meeting as I hate my old bosses boss an I would not have been able to hold my tongue. 

He told me off for my flexi time saying that you should do 9-5 unless pre-agreed with your boss. I'm like I've done what I've done for 5 years. I always do my 7 hours a day. I have done it since I joined your team in August and you've never had a problem till this week when you've lost your team. I think you are re-directing your anger at me when in reality, I couldn't manage all my appointments and clinics and blood tests and everything if you forced me to work a 9-5. I never expect work to pay me for my appointment time I just flex my 7 hours around them. He accepted that but I compromised on filling in my flex sheet. He said I should do it every day and properly for the times I log in. I accepted that is true but in my old team noone cared cos they trusted me. However, will do boss. 

I don't mind compromising when I already got what I wanted. 

I did my 3 jobs tonight well. 

I took Hubby to the pub. 

My dog has fleas. 

That is all. 

Drama x

Enjoy your day today drama xx safe journey ???Boo 

NHS Gambling Clinic. 

The room I met the guy in was awful. Like a suite the police use for interviews but colder than that even. Not in temperature, just style. Big old day chairs in grey and green and the top of the chair had big bits that stick out to the side. I sat in a small chair the other side of the table.

Today was mostly form filling. He asked questions about stuff and then I answered and he wrote it all down. Did my life history (without crying) and we talked a lot about playing games. I won't go into detail cos it proper set me off. Made me miss it. Also, doing my life story was totally depressing. 

The guy is gonna talk to the rest of the team about me. That doesn't make me uncomfortable at all! 

Um, what else. Oh, yeah, everything he wrote, he'll type up and send me a copy. Ha! not reading that misery. 

He said I will prolly get offered group CBT, he thinks that's the best idea. He said they like to do a family support type meeting first. I said I'm not bringing Hubby. He's like can I ask why. I said I dunno, just instinct made me say can't really explain it. 

Anyways, so after I left I called Hubby and invited him and he made up 3 excuses why he can't go. So maybe that's why I said not him cos he never goes to ought. He didn't even take me to Hospital when I was crying with Frozen Shoulder, I had to get a cab. It is what it is. 

Then I called Auntie A, she and Uncle J are going away soon in their caravan. She said if they don't go too far they could get back for it. I said I dunno it's for sure happening yet but if it does I don't wanna be the only person who has no-one there. She understood and said she'll try. She's a good egg. 

If she can't come I'll have to put my thinking cap on. 

Um, that'll do for now. 

Drama x