Thankyou for posting on my diary DramaLlama & Oranje01. I appreciate your support and encouragement.
Thanks also to Eve in Admin who posted on my other diary offering me further support. I really appreciate all you have done in trying to help me overcome my compulsion to gamble. For the time being I will carry on as usual but if I fail again than I will have to have a rethink.
Running away from the diaries is not the answer to my gambling problem so I will continue to keep a diary and live with the hope that maybe this time I can do better.
I was very surprised that I gambled because the fobt machines (roulette) have been given an extra zero and I figured that I can't win against one zero never mind two but than I thought well I'm here now so I might as well have a little go and than proceeded to lose all what I had in cash plus two switch transactions. Absolute madness and I was furious with myself as well as being completely demoralised.
I am also puzzled as to how I can lose so much money in just a few hours when the stake us only two pounds and this is the third or fourth time this has happened. The numbers are supposed to be random so I can only assume I am extremely unlucky.
Anyway it's done now so hope that is the end of it.
I think it is sad for the animals and birds but that is not something I can alter in any way. Best wishes to everyones pets.
What I can alter is my life, my thoughts and beliefs and that is exactly what I intend to do.
It is 4 days since I gambled which is not a great feat seeing as I have had very little money but now I have sufficient understanding to beat this insidious addiction once and for all.
Intend to change my outlook on life and will work on my recovery in a more positive manner.
Today I have evolved and am sat in pastures new
Possessing hope and vision with a will to see this through
The Stephens gone before tried and failed to put things right
But the hero who was born today will stand his ground and fight
Well done Stephen and lovely poem. Have you ever thought about going to a gambling Rehab? I did and found it a great help for years. I hit rock bottom and had went to Gordon moody Rehab. I was doing great for 4 or 5 years not 1 gamble. I lost my focus and slowly started to not to do the right things like deal with my problems and stop talking to people. I let myself get drawn back into what ifs. Hope things get back on the right direction for you.
Thankyou for visiting my diary CH. I appreciate the advice and support and have replied on your diary. You have a very positive attitude towards recovery and I wish you every success and happy days for you and your family.
Hello Diary. I am ok.
Woke up this morning still alive
Gamble free and on day five
Thoughts of last Friday still cause me distress
Memories of me with my head in a mess
Feeling a bit more cheerful as I will get my weekly state pension tomorrow.
Going to a dance class at 11-30 and might go to a charity variety show at 2-00 if I feel in the mood.
It has been a really fun day during which I have danced and spent time in an art gallery looking at a couple of exhibitions which I really enjoyed. I had thought of going to a variety show this afternoon but not enough time.
No desire to gamble but I only have limited funds so that is understandable. I am not expecting any temptation on the gambling front until the end of the month when I have a bit more money and even than I don't think it will be a problem.
I have made a couple of plans and given myself a good talking to so I think maybe my time has come to be gamble-free on a permanent basis.
Eyes are sharply focussed on the journey up ahead
Conscience clear each evening when I'm snug as a bug in bed
No more looking all forlorn or kicking up a fuss
Gamble-free is the way to be for Stephen The Virtuous
I'm pleased to hear you got to an art gallery. I work near one and it's a brilliant way to pass the time wondering around and looking at all the exhibits. I am pleased also that you are back posting again. I really did miss you. I liked what you said on Stace's page about us being a recovery family. It does feel like that and it's okay to not be okay and if you can't be not okay on a recovery site, where can you be?
Anyway, I'll quit waffling on your thread.
Take care of you
Thanks Fiona, Drana and Stace for visiting my diary. I appreciate your support and encouragement.
Yesterday I popped in the dance studio where I am going to a couple of classes over the weekend. Two professional dancers had been rehearsing a small dance routine to perform as part of a bigger piece and they offered to do it again so I could watch them perform. It was just amazing to watch them dance and really made my day. There are some lovely people in the world. Later in the day I got chatting with an acquaintance I bumped into and that was also a lot of fun.
Spent next to nothing yesterday and it was enjoyable which was a sharp contrast to the previous Friday when I visited a betting shop and gave them a lot of money and got nothing in return except for two plastic cups of coffee.
I know it is counter productive to dwell on monies lost but it really annoys me when I think of all the things I could be doing with money I have given to betting shops.
I really do hope that I have finally learnt my lesson.
Time to be cool and stop being a fool putting my cash in machines
Recovering friends on the diaries they know just what I means
If ever thoughts enter my mind suggesting that I have a gamble
I'll put my head in a mixing bowl and give it a real good scramble