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Need2stop2
(@need2stop2)

Had been clean for 3 months but found myself still following the racing and kept getting annoyed because horses I would of bet on were winning. Today I made the mistake of reopening my account on one of the book makers as I saw a horse I had won on before and everywhere was tipping it. I had 600 quid in the bank and was thinking I'll put this on it will win and ill walk away. Put £500 on the nose for it to come 3rd. It was a short price too so would of only gained 450 quid or so. I'm still paying for loans and credit cards and just think this could of gone towards that. I'm currently sat at home bored and not happy so wanted some excitement I put 100 on another random horse hoping to get it back and it didnt even place now I have to wait til 25th for money I have food and some credit card I can use. How have I managed this again ffs

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Posted : 10th July 2020 5:59 pm
Chris.UK
(@chris-uk)

@Need2stop2

Sorry to hear you went back.

I re-read your one previous post I could find to see if anything in there might help you this time.

It seems that when the racing was off, you couldn't gamble and when it came back on, despite the exclusion from some sites, the temptation was too much for you.

Have you told your girlfriend yet? Would having someone to be accountable help? Have you considered switching your bank to one which is able to ban gambling transactions?

Just a few thoughts.

Chris.

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Posted : 10th July 2020 6:36 pm
Need2stop2
(@need2stop2)

Basically I self excluded all my accounts for 30 days I tried doing more to gambloc but it seemed hard and I have to pay for a license I dont know what I'm doing. No I havent told my girlfriend still as I managed to get back on track I didnt want her too find out... I'm just annoyed life seemed to be getting better and then I slip once and its hard

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Posted : 10th July 2020 7:01 pm
Chris.UK
(@chris-uk)

Maybe look at some of the posts on here that others have put about telling their other halfs or not.

Almost to a person everyone agrees that it's better to tell someone rather than try and keep it to yourself. When these things are secret it's easy to fall back into it but when someone knows they can help. It's not a sign of weakness but I think more a sign of strength that you recognise you have a problem and want help and support with it. 

Imagine all the lies and stories you make up because you've got no money left. No more lying, sleep better at night, feel that you can start living honestly.

I wouldn't tell you what to do other than from my own experience.

Chris.

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Posted : 10th July 2020 8:13 pm
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Hi need2stop. I didn't tell my husband he found out early one Friday morning and the fallout was bad. I'm 37 days gamble free now. Had I not been found out would I still be gambling ...yes I'm sure I would. Because I was in this sickening revolving world of lying cheating deceiving and many other awful things. I'M GLAD I GOT FOUND OUT. I was not brought up to lie I was going against my core values and I was very unhappy. Having help and support is invaluable to me and has got me to a place where I feel much happier in my own skin. I don't think without people knowing that I could have given up as it was very easy to fool  myself that everything was ok. I wish you all the best whatever you choose but remember life is easier and happier out in the sunshine not hiding away in the shadows

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Posted : 10th July 2020 8:34 pm
Need2stop2
(@need2stop2)

The worry I have with telling my girlfriend she will go delving into my accounts and see how much I have truthfully lost. And its atleast 10k. She will leave me because I said we were saving. The hardest thing for me is I've won big and my brain keeps saying one day I'll land the acca so I can quit forever. I will have a look into a proper license for gambloc because I cant keep throwing away money especially in these times I'm lucky I still have a job and I should be saving it for a rainy day not putting 600 quid on a horse because I'm bored. 

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Posted : 10th July 2020 8:48 pm
Need2stop2
(@need2stop2)
Posted by: Charlieboy

Hi need2stop. I didn't tell my husband he found out early one Friday morning and the fallout was bad. I'm 37 days gamble free now. Had I not been found out would I still be gambling ...yes I'm sure I would. Because I was in this sickening revolving world of lying cheating deceiving and many other awful things. I'M GLAD I GOT FOUND OUT. I was not brought up to lie I was going against my core values and I was very unhappy. Having help and support is invaluable to me and has got me to a place where I feel much happier in my own skin. I don't think without people knowing that I could have given up as it was very easy to fool  myself that everything was ok. I wish you all the best whatever you choose but remember life is easier and happier out in the sunshine not hiding away in the shadows

I feel like I like the hiding around of it. it's part of the addiction now pretending I'm not doing it, I'm not like this with anything else extremely loyal to my girlfriend etc but it's like my vice in a way. I have 14 days to think about what I've done, I'm going to message the  companies I use and try get them to permanently ban me aswell as gambloc. I'm just annoyed went 92 days no gambling to end back at square one

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Posted : 10th July 2020 8:52 pm
Need2stop2
(@need2stop2)

Luckily this was my money and not lent money. But it's still a hard pill to swallow. Annoyed I could off settled more on the personal loan I took out to fund my gambling. I need to have a look at how much I owe as I put that off due to it making me depressed I need a reality check ud think I'd of learnt losing 10k but I feel like because I'm still managing it's not as bad as other peoples figures of 25k+

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Posted : 10th July 2020 8:55 pm
Chris.UK
(@chris-uk)

Maybe register on Gamstop, that'll help with self exclusion on all uk registered casino sites.

You can self exclude for up to five years. It's a big peace of mind that helps a lot of users.

Chris.

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Posted : 10th July 2020 9:18 pm
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Admin

Thank you Chris, I was about to respond recommending self exclusion through Gamstop. 

Need2stop, you can contact them on 0800 138 6518 or via www.gamstop.co.uk It's a simple process and you can exclude from virtually all licensed gambling websites licensed in Great Britain, you can do so for up to 5 years.

You mentioned having 14 days to think about what you've done. I really recommend talking this through with one of our Advisers either on our HelpLine on 0808 8020 133 or via our NetLine

It sound to me that on the one hand you are really struggling with what you've done and full of worries that your girlfriend may leave you if she find out and on the other still dealing with thoughts about chasing your loses?

You did really well previously to go 3 months without gambling and during this time save some money too. This could be your future without gambling and there is a lot of support available to help you achieve this. Support that also includes free 1 to 1 treatment. 

If it would be helpful to talk to someone who is non judgmental and supportive, someone who can go through all the options available to you and help you with a plan for your recovery, then please do contact one of Advisers. 

Kind regards

ChrisK

Forum Admin

This post was modified 1 month ago by Forum admin
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Posted : 10th July 2020 9:36 pm
Need2stop2
(@need2stop2)

ChrisK I swear you helped me last time with advice if I was right, i was really happy with myself going the 92 days I feel like I had achieved something but also something was missing, the though I was still in debt was eating at me. I had saved like 250-300 a month to get my 800 I bought some useful stuff for house then had the 600 quid sitting there and all I kept thinking was what if I can turn this into 1200 and just pay a good chunk off my loan I'd be really happy. I also felt if I could get more than 600 I could have more of a reserve with all this going on. I need to take action but I had 2 take 2 weeks holiday and was bored... i feel like I'm always going to hate myself for getting into this situation. I'm hoping my other half doesnt find out but I feel if I call someone she will hear me as shes always with me. I downloaded gamban on my phone it says I need to purchase a license which I cant do now

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Posted : 10th July 2020 9:51 pm
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Admin

I'm just really pleased you've come back here for more support, because you are right, you did really well to go those 92 days and this is something we can build on. 

It's also good that you have identified boredom as a trigger, as this places you in a stronger position next time you have time off. It raises your awareness and the importance of filling you free time with things you enjoy doing. 

I know one of our Advisers would love to provide more support for you, I understand that at this time you are worried about your partner over hearing, so how about connecting via our NetLine, where you can type, like in here but in real time? That way you can receive a greater level of support than I can currently provide here and we can go through further options that may help you. 

Kind regards

ChrisK

Forum Admin

 

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Posted : 10th July 2020 10:02 pm
Need2stop2
(@need2stop2)

I'll have to do this tomorrow as my girlfriend wants to watch a movie. I know all that will be going through my head is what have I done. I just want out of this vicious cycle I'm in and to get over the loss

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Posted : 10th July 2020 10:19 pm
Joydivider
(@joydivider)

Hi

Yes you do need to stop but there seems to be something fundamental you are missing about the recovery needed.

Youve been clean for 3 months and the bookies have been closed for 3 months. The gaps are not a sign you have this under control unless you have entered a full abstention recovery and told people close to you.

Youve managed it again because the door is wide open for you to gamble. Yes I know you are scared of peoples reactions but that reaction is the reality of whats going on.

I really care about you so I wont soft soap you. You are already gambling with your relationships...people do find out sooner or later.

You are making high bets on very random unlikely events. The reality check you need is explaining a gambling session to a non gambler in your family. Its not just the money...as a gambler you are living on borrowed time and secrets...the addiction loves secrets.

When you are fully honest and living on an allowance the addiction will cower because it knows the fight is on . The point is the the cold turkey has to be forced on you to start with tou give your mind a chance to adjust

If you love your girlfriend she deserves to know what is going on. Its not an addiction that doesnt affect her...it all affects her because you will feel gamblers remorse and stress as a very minimum...if its always tomorrow with you ,can you see that nothing changes if nothing changes?

It doesn't work that you walk in to a smiling girlfriend knowing you replaced the money and more and she never knew.

The addiction is beyond all that because its not an income scheme a get it back later scheme and its not actually all about the money...most of it is the drug craving to have a go.

Its more than gamstop and more than a lockdown which will have stopped many people...hopefully they will seek help and never go back.

You need to start the real cold turkey with a born again moment. Thats when the real test starts. I didnt do anything effective for 10 months after joining the forum because I was addicted and the addiction wanted its own way.

Surely you dont want to go through the misery again and if you do whats needed you wont be giving the dens another penny of yours. You will have money if you dont give it away

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

This post was modified 1 month ago by Joydivider
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Posted : 11th July 2020 12:33 pm
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Hi need 2stop 2 there is a very sad fact to this that I hope you have considered. If the horse had won and you had paid money off your loan, would it have stopped there. I doubt it gamblers chase the loses but also chase the bigger win !! Put it to sleep this time and chase the gamble free. Best wishes

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Posted : 11th July 2020 8:04 pm
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