One down. Next....

When you were asked to take part in the sweep stake and you declined,,, it felt good didn’t it. Keep going mate you’re doing good

A quick thanks to Redeemed, Holycrosser and Bobby for your comments over the last week or so. The words of encouragement and support mean a lot. Everyone deals with this differently, and writing my ramblings helps for me. If they help you too, that's even better. I think part of my problem is to do with expressing my feelings.

One down. Next....

Yesterday was my 38th day without a bet.

And you know what, I had a bloody good day. I wasn't at work (which is always a treat!!). I spent the morning planning for our summer holiday and then took the kids out in the afternoon. I really enjoyed myself.

My partner is away for the weekend so it's just me and them. When she's gone away before, the weekend has mostly been spent online gambling. The kids always came second, with a film on or on their devices, just so I could bet in relative peace.

This time it was different. I feel like I'm saying that quite a bit. Hopefully it is making a difference.

I couldn't wait to spend time with them, and we had a great time together. I'm definitely up for more of this!!

So 38 down. Next....

Two down. Next....

Yesterday was my 40th day without a bet.

It's been a good weekend. Spent it with the kids and some good friends. It was a bit weird listening to the grand national without having a bet on it, but like I am with football now, it was good to listen to it just for the race.

After all the kids had gone to bed, I had a really good talk with my 2 friends. I'd not managed to speak to them about my gambling, just through time and circumstance, but they knew- my partner had told them. It was such a good talk, and although slightly fuelled by red wine, I got lots of my chest that I needed to.

I told them about my blocks, about here and the meetings, my self worth and its ups and downs, my partner, and that I was worried that she was bottling it all up.I think it was a bit of an eye opener for them. I asked them to check from time to time that my partner is doing ok.

I wont name them, but they really are two of the best friends imaginable.

And yesterday was spent recovering. Haha! No, just chilling out with the kids. Offered to pick partner up from train station which she accepted. And cooked a nice meal for us all. Well, the kids weren't keen but we enjoyed it!

So 40 down. Next....

It’s little changes, keeping busy and keeping away from the triggers that really help.The daunting thing is this is for life.

However it’s our mess and lets hope we see it through, this is for life.

One down. Next....

Yesterday was my 41st day without a bet. And overall, a pretty good one.

Busy at work as usual, but it was weird as the guy taking over from me was shadowing me all day. Hard to impart 5 years of knowledge into someone in a day. But he seems nice enough and keen to learn the job. Although he doesn't have much choice in the matter!

Home was good to. Played with the kids a lot when they got back from a day out, which I really enjoyed.

There was a bit more conversation with my partner too. Not a lot, but more than there has been. And we watched a programme on TV together, in the same room. Doesn't sound a lot but it meant a lot to me.

As ever, a useful visit to the chat room too.

So 41 down. Next....

One down. Next....

Yesterday was my 42 day without a bet. That’s six weeks. A whole school summer holiday. When its put like that it’s a bloody long time.
And I’m proud of myself for getting there. Although thanks needs to go to you guys and ga too.

And that’s where i went last night. Which was, as usual, helpful, insightful and useful.

And no urges to gamble either, which is a mega bonus.
So 42 down. Next....

One down. Next....

Yesterday was my 43rd day without a bet.

It was a bit of a slow day. Not sure why. One of those days where it felt like 3pm but was only 11am. There was plenty of cake in the office which helped (or hindered!!) though.

Went for a run, which although short was pretty quick for me, which is good. A good blast to clear my head. And finished my run at the social club and met with my partner, kids, and a few others for a well earned pint!

I really enjoyed the walk home as a family.

So 43 down. Next....

One down. Next....

Yesterday was my 44th day without a bet.

And again, a pretty good one. Had an interview which I was really nervous for, but I felt that it went really well. I was open and honest with the questions they asked. Not too sure I want the job though. It’s a bit of a commute.

When I arrived in the town, way too early for my interview, the first thing I saw opposite the bus station was a bookies. If this was 45+ days ago, it would have been a way to kill half an hour. Pick some games for the weekend, fill in a sheet or two. But as it’s now, I smiled and walked past and went into a few charity shops instead. A much productive use of time!!

I got sent a link to a YouTube video done by Russell Brand. He’s well documented in his addictions, but this clip was about gambling. It was very interesting and I identified with bits of it. Check it out if you can.
So 45 down. Next....

Three down. Next...
Yesterday was my 47th day without a bet. I’ll owe you a couple too!

Its been a good few days. Although I did have the urge to check on certain golfers in the Masters. Each year I always picked the same couple of players, plus a free randoms. I loaded up the leaderboard and searched for the first name. Joint last. I chuckled to myself and thought “that just about sums it up”. I didn’t bother looking for the others! But I did enjoy the golf for golf, just like I am with football.

Went to the pub on Saturday with friends, and wanted to show a mate something on my phone. His first reaction was “you’ve not put a bet on have you?” “No way" I replied. “good lad" he said.

Had friends over for the weekend too, so it’s been pretty manic, busy and enjoyable as usual.

Me and my partner have been getting on better too. I’m enjoying talking to her again. And watching TV with her. It’s not like it was, but it’s better than it had been.

So 47 down. Next....

One down. Next....

Yesterday was my 48th day without a bet. It was a bit of a meh day too. Wasnt great, but wasnt terrible. It was just a Monday.

At work my replacement started, so I spent most of the day sorting some stuff out for him, and trying to find bits that he could do. It’s a weird time at the minute. With the bank holidays coming up I’ve only got 10 days at work. And no job yet either. I think the reality of not working is starting to kick in, and that’s what had made yesterday feel like it did.
But it was a bet free day again, so that was a positive to take from it.

I’ve started reading a book called ‘Recovery' by Russell Brand. I’m only a chapter or so in, but it’s basically his take on the 12 steps, and his experiences with them. So far it is good, and there are a few bits that I’ve identified with very closely. Somethings that go back to my childhood that I’ve not thought about for years. I’ll keep an eye on these and see if more develops.

So 48 down. Next....

Two down. Next....

Yesterday was 50th day without a bet. Fifty. Five Zero. And I’m over the moon to be celebrating it!

Over the last 50 days I’ve not had a real urge to gamble. I’ve had thoughts about gambling, but not an urge to act on them.

I’ve also learned a lot about myself in that time too. And with the help of you guys here and ga I’ve started to make some changes to me. I think the newer me is much better!!

So 50 down. Next....

Many congrats Keep that guard up and keep reminding yourself Regularly of how well you have done and the position you have put yourself in :). John

Well done Jens.  You are doing really well. Keep it up and stay strong

One down. Next....
Yesterday was my 51st day with out a bit. No gambling thoughts or urges too.

Don’t feel in a good place about other things though, mainly work. And only having 7 more days left. And not having another job to go to. My chain of thought ran away and I starting thinking down the “I’m not good enough route again”. I know I am, and I’m trying to think positive but it’s a niggling thought that’s there. I’m hoping that a busy long weekend with family will help.
But as I said at the start, no gambling thoughts and urges which is a very good thing.

So 51 down. Next....