I'm feeling the pressures from creditors, arrears left right and centre, phone blowing up during work. The new job is a lot of stress, but it's keeping me busy with my spare time. I spoke to the ex this weekend, a lot of tears on both sides, but I've been blanked and blamed a lot since we broke up, and I feel like actually speaking and yelling at each other gave me a lot of peace. It feels like closure.
Quitzilla says I'm 90.1% away from 2 weeks, and my dad has all my cards so it'll be a while longer at least. At my last binge (on the 31st) I had a fiver left in my pocket. I still have that. I might frame it if it lasts to next NYE.
I pay my friend off on October 1st, paying in instalments until then, then I'll have a huge chunk to put towards institutional debts and things will move fast.
I should be done with Payday loans by the end of May, except for the ones I defaulted on, which are either in payment plans or collections not accruing interest. I'm going to put all my money on these on payday to stop me spending on gambling. I'm going to ask some not to lend to me as they get paid off too. Cutting off the means 🙂
New diaries, new payment plans, best intentions are all worthless when it comes to addiction...Not sure how you managed to relapse with your dad holding your cards but you need to shut that door & stop thinking this is a financial problem!
I spent years convincing myself that getting straight was all I needed to do but that was rubbish...Everytime I got straight, I ran up more debt. Since stopping gambling I have struggled to firstly recognise my emotions & then secondly to deal with them but today I don’t risk my life on the spin of a reel because I have accepted that I cannot just try harder, I needed help! I need help most days, some days I won’t ask for it & I lie in bed feeling sorry for myself but even on those days I know my bills are being paid because I don’t gamble anymore...I can’t win because I can’t stop.
Gambling is never going to make you love you, you need help & support from counsellors and/ therapy/12 Step groups to do that & when you can look yourself in the eye & be happy with what you see, you won’t need to chase the false high of addiction any longer.
With actions, not words, addiction can be arrested - ODAAT