Hi Everyone I'm a compulsive gambler....in recovery.....and today it's 100 days since I started to reclaim my life. I vow to continue to do everything in my power to maintain and move forward with my recovery through.... GA....This Forum....and support of family and friends. Thank you to everyone here who has supported me, I know here I have friends who will continue to help me as I will also continue to help them and others
Congratulations on 100 days. Nice big number to celebrate, well over 3 months too.
Only 102 days to Christmas - you'll have doubled your abstinence by then :-).
Hey diary . Day 104 today. Struggled a bit today I need to be honest. In GA I said I'm fearful about relapsing to the point where I look through posts seeing how many people relapse, how often etc. Everyone's opinion was the same that this is really not a good idea, negative thoughts can lead to negative actions. Well im going to share here what the problem is and next Monday night I'll tell them at GA and that I've sorted it. 20 years ago my gambling started at our local bingo hall and for 20 years it's been a source of fun with friends my social life and things weren't out of control until I discovered online gambling then things took a bad turn. I still went to bingo with friends and wasn't just about the gambling we had a meal had a laugh, I miss it feel a bit lost have avoided the friends I used to go with haven't told them why I'm not going even though it's 're opened after lockdown. Ok so I've excluded from everything except bingo I left it open in case in the future I was in control and could go and tried to convince myself that that wouldn't count as a relapse because it was a fun night out. Today I fully except that I am an addict a compulsive gambler if I went to bingo a fun night out....the next day would be £20 online fun play on the slots and on and on. I know I don't want to go back there I was very very unhappy, I know my 2 friends won't judge me and will want to do something else with me. So tonight I have self excluded and shut the door, and next week I will share at GA what I was thinking and what I've done about it, keep moving forward.....I feel better !
@charlieboy Well done for talking about it. Allowed to eat away at you these thoughts fester and can cause relapses. By sharing it you have taken the power out of it.
Do the same with your GA group and you'll be fine.
I would probably talk to your friends(if they were friends before bingo) to see if you could meet up for some company and a laugh. We all need that from time to time.
I'm really impressed though by the work you have put into your recovery.
As you know our gambling experiences have been very different. Mine was a very short lived time scale but sadly no less destructive. You sounded a bit down so I just wanted to remind you to be kinder to yourself. I think you are just missing the ‘habit’ of going out to Bingo with your friends and having a nice night out. Thats completely different to sitting at home on our phone waiting for matching leprechauns to magically ‘win’ us money that we then spend again on more slots. I know that you aren’t missing that!
I think you are just missing what used to be a night out with friends. With regard to being drawn back in, I think you are right not to play bingo anymore and to try and find something different to do.
Remember- You are an amazingly strong person!
Hi Chris ty for kind words and your valuable support and insight. I feel better just for writing it down, this for me is why GA is invaluable. The week prior we talked about leaving an opening as an avenue for gambling in the future. All week it played on my mind as I knew I had this small open door albeit I had no temptation whatsoever to go there now, then after this week's meeting I knew that I had to stop dwelling on this and sort it out. In a way it's been good as it's really hit home to me what complacency really is. Yes I will be sharing at GA next week as I know the one guy was a little concerned already I have formed those bonds there, and he could tell I was struggling a bit with something. Thanks again Chris hope life is treating you well
Hi tryingtomoveforward. Agree with everything you said that way of socialising has been my way of life for 20 years now but as you rightly determine is the whole thing isn't it , putting on make up doing your hair etc etc and once things are easier we can do something else. The thing you said about leprechauns made me giggle and you are right totally different, you can stare at your phone in your pjs looking like you've been pulled through a hedge backwards !! And definitely not missing that !! If you know what I mean I know I can't play bingo but I just couldn't shut that door my friend first took me there to cheer me up When I was in a really dark place just getting over a miscarriage it was fun I enjoyed it made me forget for a while ,I went on to have 4 miscarriages in total before my lovely son and it was my escape. So I don't need that any more right ,it's all in the past, I've closed the door . Thank you for your support with this means a lot , and you made me laugh. I hope you're doing good and things start to settle down for you
Dear diary most of my area back in lockdown from 6pm tonight, so last face to face GA last night, setting up for zoom meeting next week. I'm ok with it now as I'm a little further down the line in recovery and I'm coping better. Was a really good meeting last night, I talked about what I posted 15th September. The guys were really pleased not only that I had recognised a potential banana skin for the future but that I had spoken about it , made positive actions , and that things that they had said the previous week had made a difference to me. So all in all a good meeting and one guy got his year pin so that was quite emotional. I'm feeling good today, trying to look for positives going on zoom we won't have to wear masks...yeyy
Dear diary day 113, life is calm n my head despite the craziness of the outside world. The chaotic thoughts that make you feel like you're plugged into a socket have gone....it's good there's more room for real thoughts, not the computer generated spinning reels of the slots. I will see my sister- in-law tomorrow first time since I stopped gambling and first time since she said I was "appalling" could be interesting , but I won't be bullied I'm doing good and I'm not going to let anyone derail me.