Need help

Hi Tom

Just to let you know that to help you progress through the forum, I am moving your post over to the 'recovery diary' section, to be together with other diaries, as you mention you'll be coming here to post on a regular basis.

Many people find keeping a diary and checking in regularly, as well as the support they get from our forum users to be a valuable part of their recovery. Of course if you want to chat things through with an advisor or want to access additional support from us here at GamCare, please don't hesitate to contact us on our free HelpLine 0808 8020 133 or the netline, if you haven't already.

Warm regards

Leigh, Forum Admin

Hi Worv, just checking in to see how you are getting on...

Hey guys, thanks for the messages, been a hard couple of days, my god did I want to gamble today, (I have changed my username so don’t be alarmed it is me). I’m finding it really hard.

Thankfully I have no cash in the bank so I can’t gamble and for some reason I will never allow myself to gamble on a credit card. God knows why.

Hopefully this will start to get a bit easier.

Just want to say thanks for you messages of support.

Signalman, thanks for your message, I don’t know if my dad dying has anything to do with it and to be honest I would never use it as an excuse I think that would soil his name for some reason. I expect it has had some relation to the escapism I use gambling for, I just don’t really know why I do it. I have always been quite and anxious person and a real deep thinker so maybe it is a way for me to escape overthinking things...who knows.

Anyway here’s to another day GF, I’ll be back tomorrow hopefully feeling more positive about life

Hey Tom

I remember at the beginning I felt low and was desperate to feel more positive and optimistic about the future and when I couldn't generate these feelings, it made me lower.

Trust me though, those good feelings will come, naturally through the course of gamble free time. GF time inspires you to believe that you are the master of your own destiny which in turns provides hope and positivity (there are still dark days from time to time though!) Hang in there ok?

I empathise greatly with the overthinking and escapism... Whilst I have been quite fortunate in terms of loss and bereavement I am very sensitive and things that shouldn't bother me hound me for days. Looking aimlessly at a screen or machine took all that burden away (temporarily) - only now I realise the power of change - and the first step of change is awareness and confrontation.

So it's good in my opinion that you are realising these things and asking questions of yourself... You'll recognise where the gambling urge has emerged from if/when you get them... The urge is a whole lot easier to squash when you see it coming rather than it blindsiding you.

We do whatever it takes to rack up those gamble free days then life will in turn become easier. It will.

Tommy,

Gamstop not only covers UK but other countries were companies target the UK and registered with the gambling commission. So it covers companies based in Alderney, and the channel islands, Gibralter, Malta, Isle of Mann, Ireland,The Philippines etc, etc

If you are actively searching for places to bet outside of these places it makes you an idiot twice. How likely do you think an unregistered company based in Curacao will be paying up ?

Place further blocks on your devices and get yourself to a GA meeting.

The £5k debt is trivial in the grand scale of things given your earnings.

Just focus on not gambling one day at a time.

Hey, been a while, unfortunately iv had a relapse, been having a c**P time of things lately, Mrs has been in hospital having surgery and life has been difficult so good old me decided to drown my sorrows in slots again. And wow how wonderful I feel now.

I genuinely feel like giving up at the moment. I just feel like such a loser. No need for me to turn to gambling. Was doing so well and now I feel like I’m on my a**e again. Only just been paid and blown it all. At least iv paid all my bills.

I have told myself I will now be coming on here daily for support. I thought I could do it on my own and that is clearly not going to happen. I need your guys help with this, I don’t have anyone else I can talk to about it so here I am. Asking for support once again.

Out of all of times I have relapsed this is the worst feeling I have ever had. I just feel gutted.

Any words of support and advise would be appreciated

Thanks

New day, feeling tired, didn’t sleep much last night.

Luckily I had drawn out a load of cash this month to stop me gambling. That didn’t work so I’ll be going to the bank shortly to pay it back in. Skint for the rest of the month now but hey that’s my punishment for being such a k**b.

Anyway I feel like this is it now, I can’t even be bothered with this Illness anymore, I genuinely don’t even enjoy gambling anymore it’s just a distraction from things I don’t want to think about.

Anyway life must go on. You live and learn (sometimes)

I’ll be back later to update on completion of day 1 of recovery

Hi Tommy,

Really sorry to hear about your relapse, but maybe its time to try something different.. You need to give yourself a chance to beat this Tommy, get yourself along to your nearest GA meeting. I honestly feel it would benefit you greatly.

In your opening post on this thread you say "I just need to speak to people who understand and can hopefully offer me some ongoing support. I just need to talk about it and get help from people suffering this horrible addiction."....you would definitely find that at a GA meeting. You will never know if you don't give it a try.

Damo

Hey

It's really tough at the beginning mate, really tough. Every time life is getting on top of you gambling will beckon you for an escape... A temporary suspension of problems, anxieties and realities. Most people take what's offered (food, s*x, a good movie) but as addicts we can't get enough of it. We keep indulging. We keep indulging then we become conditioned to escaping to excess, it becomes our norm. Then we are really in trouble.

Every time you have the urge to gamble you really do need to weigh it up. You can't be trading an afternoon or evenings escape for months and years of devastation and doom, not only to you but to those around you. Your problems are still waiting for you after the gamble. They don't change. All that has changed is that you have extra problems, ps if you win thats an extra problem as now you will be completely consumed by the next gamble and when you can make it happen. How much pressure can you laden on yourself before you snap? Ask yourself all these things next time you want to gamble. Try and put things into perspective before you make that escape. Dealing with problems instead of running from them is so much more thrilling than gambling, once you start doing it. It's alien to us at first so you really need to force yourself to begin with. Your gambling motivations sound very much like mine...

You know what the problems are currently in your life which led you to gamble so I won't bother asking that... But what problems can you ADDRESS right in the here and now? Make a list of them, address them, make a new list then when the gambling urges come, pull that list out and hit a few off. I guarantee you'll feel more thrilled than gambling made you feel (over time, you have to give it time). By the sound of it you're completely done with it now so please take the advice.

By the way (most importantly) massive kudos to you for coming back here after a relapse. That takes some serious guts. That was a well thought out move. Now listen to the advice you receive this time and let's attack this properly. TOGETHER.

Hi signalman,

Thanks a lot for the message.Been a real tough week, can’t gamble as I am skint for the month and won’t use my credit card to gamble.

I find the hardest thing for me is to stoke myself from physicals depositing. I don’t want to deposit, I don’t want to play I just do it. I just want to escape, and you are so right...you win and you just can’t stoke thinking about the next time.

I desperately want to stop this and never go back in just finding it so so hard. I know it’s an escape, I have beautiful little family but I often feel like I have no life outside of that. So I gamble. I need to get control of this now before I start again and it gets out of hand. I really do hate it.

Thank you so much for you support.

I hope you are good

Hey mate

You could cancel all your cards and just carry small amounts of cash on you until you get a better *** of your addiction... You could do that if you really wanted to.

In one sentence you say you won't use your credit card to gamble... The next one says you are depositing against your will.

Who are you trying to kid mate? Me? Coz let me tell you... You can't kid a kidder ;o)

Good luck. Keep talking.

I echo signalman in the sentiments of well done for posting, especially to admit the relapses

I also like his shout out above - 'I can't control it but I can really'

I'm envious that you have an opportunity I squandered on so many occassions, you have a chance to turn this aorund without massive debt but being blunt, I really don't get what you are actually doing to help yourself, what have you changed?

I know, all to well the fear of not confessing, I used that as my main excuse for years

No I would tell anyone that would listen and only don't confess to more to protect my job and to respect my wife's wishes but around 30 people have been told directly so it is also no longer a secret

best wishes whatever you do but just remember that nothing changes, if nothing changes

Hey guys,

Thanks for the messages. I know what you are saying. I am going to cancel all my cards and just carry cash. I won’t deposit on my credit card because I know that the interest just mounts up so I just rinse all my salary instead. They spend on my credit card. 0% so no interest at the moment. Stupid I know.

You are both right though, I am not doing enough to help myself and change. So I have told my mum who is helping me mentally, she offered financial help but I said no, it’s a hole I have to dig myself out of, I earn enough to sort it this year if I am dedicated. I’m glad I have spoken to her, she was upset but has offered support which is nice, feels like a bit of weight lifted.

Another bit of a breakthrough for me today, I was about to deposit, I really wanted to but I stopped myself, self excluded the account (it was a non ukgc casino) and came on here to speak to you guys. I have never been able to just stop myself before. So 10 days clean now and hopefully this can be the start of me actually recovering.

I can’t control it but I am starting to learn to identify when it is becoming a risk and try to do something to take my mind off of it.

I will cancel my cards this weekend and hopefully that will be another restriction.

Thanks for your support guys

TommyE wrote:

I won't deposit on my credit card because I know that the interest just mounts up so I just rinse all my salary instead.

Tom

With respect, this has got to be one of the funniest things I have ever read on here... :o)

I just love the way you tried so hard to pass yourself off as a rational thinker... It had me in stitches because you completely let yourself down at the end with the last sentence :o)

Man, you even for a moment got me to consider that I may be able to transcend gambling addiction one day, such was your conviction!

On a serious note though, cancel those cards asap. And in my humble opinion (excuse my frankness) you may rue keeping your credit card alive simply because what's the point in closing the door on something only to keep the door ajar on purpose?

And if me drawing attention to your credit card as a potential vessel for gambling is making you feel even slightly uneasy whilst reading then I suggest that is enough reason to cancel it. Honestly mate - when it was suggested on here that I cancel all cards and close all doors for gambling that way I scoffed at the notion, my head was telling me it would be impossible to live this way... 6 months later and I find it a doddle... I now realise those voices were actually addiction trying to cling on to the hold it had over me. Thank god I took that advice. Would I reinstate my cards nowadays? Well a couple of months ago my wife gave me a pay as you go credit card and loaded money on to it here and there, more for my self-esteem and dignity than anything, and also to compound the idea that I was slowly reentering into society. Anyway I gave it back to her after 2 weeks because I just don't need it. The door is closed remember. I don't like drafts.

As for you, why not cancel it whilst your tenacity to gamble is dangerously high (please refer to your previous post for evidence of this) then later down the line, if/when you feel ready to, you can always get another one (you can get as many as you want of these you know, whenever you want, they are just bits of plastic)

Oh, whilst on this subject can I commend you wholeheartedly for fighting back the urge and not giving in. Kudos to you. Fair f*****g play.

However it doesn't have to be a fight you know. Once that door is shut properly then gambling is on one side of it and you are on the other... Both parties go about their business in peace. Never the twain shall meet (unless you leave the door unlocked)

Look after yourself mate. Go steady.

Hey mate,

You do make me laugh, and you are 100%right in what you are saying. As such I have cancelled my cards this morning, I have new debit cards coming however I will cut up my sole account card and just keep the joint account card. As you can probably understand us gamblers have the amazing ability to memorise card numbers so I will be drawing out a small sum of cash from the joint account each month and that will be my spends.

I am feeling much better today. I obviously still have the urge but I feel like it is a bit more manageable. It’s a slog and life can present you with all sorts of challenges on a daily basis however I need to deal with those challenges and not just hide in the world of online gambling. It’s a real b*****d of a condition, not only does it consume your life it leaves you without a pot to P**s in.

As I say feeling much better this morning, don’t feel like a want to kick myself down the road as much and feel like I may have a chance this time of getting on top of this.

Once again thanks for your support, I will be back either later today or tomorrow for an update on life without the infinite joys of P*****g my money down the drain.

Cheers