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My Story - (The journey so far)  

 
michaelscott92
(@michaelscott92)

Hi,

As some of you may have read my intro post several weeks ago, I thought I'd start a diary post here too so I can share short updates and post things on my mind, as it is not really relevant for me to continue posting in the new member forum anymore.

I am very excited that tomorrow is day 14 gamble-free. I know this sounds really insignificant as so many members here are on 100+, but before this I was gambling daily, wether it was large amount of £400+ on every casino visit (sometimes racking up 1000+ in a single visit), or online betting, sports betting shops or spending money on scratch cards and lottery tickets every time I went into a supermarket. I have avoided all of these temptations for the last 13 days, so I am very proud of myself.

I am now following a strict financial plan and goal I have made myself (I will share more details on this and my progress later in my story) and hope this is a new beginning for me. Even at just 2 weeks in, I feel so much more refreshed, relaxed and stress-free when I wake up in the morning, so I do urge anyone visiting here who is on day 1, to really put their mind to it and try it too (I know personally, it is SO much easier said than done, so I am not judgemental of course).

Reading posts and stories on here has really helped me so far, so thanks to everyone who has contributed something or written their own forum posts.

I hope to continue sharing my story here and eventually, get to 100+ days (and eventually a whole year) like some of the other veterans on this forum. If I ever feel urges or have thoughts on my mind, I will surely come here to share them with you.

I hope now, this is the new beginning. Two weeks without wasting any money and I feel so incredibly stupid and foolish for what I did in the past. I honestly can't believe I did it, and I think back to my train of thoughts as I was standing there in the casino, withdrawing more and more cash, not even caring or thinking of the consequences, and in my mind, already assuming I had lost. The worst part of it for me is the regret. I have probably the highest salary in my family and my family work so hard to pay their bills and get by, month by month, and I am here blowing all of my money in casinos and betting, senselessly. Stepping back from the whole situation, it has really opened my eyes into the bigger picture, realising how lucky I am for what I do have, and that I should not continue this ridiculous, stupid and money-wasting journey anymore.

The losses will stick with me for a very long time, years to come, but I am not going to sink further into this hole. Every day now, I will work on making up for what I have lost, and putting things right -> More of my story to be updated 🙂

Quote
Posted : 18th September 2020 4:20 pm
Bladesman
(@bladesman)

Hi, well done on 14 days. Please don't feel it is insignificant, we all start on day 1, it is what happens after this that counts. You sound really determined to rebuild your life and I hope you have all the help you need in place. Yes it does get easier and as you say you already feel better about yourself. I always describe the feeling I have as if a thick fog has been lifted from my life and I can now see clearly what my wife and family mean to me and what a good life I have. 

I am approaching 100 days and life is so much better without this evil in my life.

Stay strong and focussed on your goal

ReplyQuote
Posted : 18th September 2020 5:11 pm
michaelscott92
(@michaelscott92)

Thanks Bladesman, that's a good point.

Yes I am more determined than ever before, and I can do this and I will do this. Looking forward to sharing more.

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Posted : 19th September 2020 7:30 am
michaelscott92
(@michaelscott92)

Today hits 14 days GF for me. Mini celebration 🙂

Happy with the small milestone and looking forward to updating again at 1 month, then 2 months, etc 🙂

Congrats to everyone else who had a gamble free day, if we take it 1 day at a time we'll soon get there ☺ M

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Posted : 19th September 2020 5:41 pm
klamm
(@klamm)

happy 14!

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Posted : 19th September 2020 6:15 pm
michaelscott92
(@michaelscott92)

Thanks Klamm!
Day 16 & happy here.

Just been looking into ways of saving money today. Opened a new bank account with a better interest rate when making a regular deposit to it. Also considered stocks/shares but then thought, is this a form of gambling? Essentially there is a risk to it and therefore you could lose money, so is it a bad idea? - My instinct tells me it is so I am not going to do it, but does anyone have experience in that 'grey' area?- I know it is not directly gambling, and it is more "smart gambling" but there is still a risk.

Also if anyone has any tips on good savings accounts or places/ways to save money and make some money on their savings (without risk) do feel free to share 🙂 - From this month (as mentioned in my original story) I have put together a savings plan and if I can have this increasing a little bit, that would be nice 🙂 - Ultimately even if it is not increasing, I am still happy in the knowledge that it is not going to decrease, by going into the casino again... so there is a sigh of relief at least.

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Posted : 21st September 2020 1:40 pm
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Hi michaelscott. Do you know was that thread removed that seemed to be advertising disciplined gambling? My blood was boiling and I was writing a post when it disappeared !!

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Posted : 21st September 2020 5:44 pm
michaelscott92
(@michaelscott92)
Posted by: Charlieboy

Hi michaelscott. Do you know was that thread removed that seemed to be advertising disciplined gambling? My blood was boiling and I was writing a post when it disappeared !!

Do you mean the one in the intros forum, with the last paragraph about sports betting? - Yeah I think it got removed, I had it open on a tab to see who was going to respond, and after refreshing it, it just comes up "404 Not found" - My guess is it was removed!

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Posted : 21st September 2020 6:02 pm
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Yeah that's what come up When I pressed reply button my rant disappeared lol

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Posted : 21st September 2020 6:10 pm
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Admin

Good evening Michaelscott and Charlie,

Just to confirm the post in question had been flagged to Forum Admin.

As per the rules it was not deemed 'to be sensitive to how your messages may be viewed and perceived by others' and it was 'promoting gambling activities. '

As such we felt it best to remove the post and keep the Forum space a supportive space for recovery rather than a potential risk of triggering others.

Apologies that you were unable to post on the thread but after it was flagged to us we felt it best we took action.

We will continue to encourage the original poster to seek support, but without the promotion of gambling.

Kind regards

ChrisK

Forum Admin. 

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Posted : 21st September 2020 10:37 pm
michaelscott92
(@michaelscott92)

Thanks Admin for the clarification.

As a side note to my diary - Enjoying day 19 today, not having the feeling of destroying my life for 19 days in a row feels great. Not much of an update otherwise, just posting to stay present (and to keep on track), reading the new intros and saying hi 🙂 

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Posted : 24th September 2020 1:25 pm
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Hi michaelscott. Days are starting to tick up keep going. Stay strong and positive

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Posted : 24th September 2020 8:48 pm
michaelscott92
(@michaelscott92)

Hey all,

I wanted to post a quick update as I haven't been on here in a while.

I unfortunately had a long afternoon at home alone, and boredom got the better of me. I found an account I still had active and had a small issue with sports betting (but did not completely destroy myself like I have often done in the past). One small 'innocent' bet lead to another (as it does and as you all know) and I ended up blowing more money than I had originally intended. The good news is, that I stopped myself before it got out of hand and I have set my account on a self exclusion for 5 years so I cannot reactivate it. I now have no means of online-betting anymore. I am accepting this as a small blip and not going to 'kick myself over it', so to speak, even though I regret my actions.

That said, I have still refrained from entering any land-based casino or buying any physical lottery tickets, I have also not entered any betting shops, so the path is still clear for me to make corrections.

I also received a new bank card today and wanted to share this in my update. I signed up for a free bank card (no overdraft facility) with a digital bank (I won't promote the name here). It's one of those digital banking things (I never tried digital banking before and I am more of a traditional bank person) - but actually, after I started to explore the features, you can 'turn off' any gambling transactions on the account. I know you can do this with a normal bank too, but on this one, you cannot reactivate and turn this setting back on for 48-hours. This seems to me like a good way to get rid of those short term urges that come, and prevents any problems happening from a short term urge that may occur. Even if I turned the setting back on, after 48hrs, I will have come to my senses and turned it off again. (Usually I don't always think in 'the moment' when I have been gambling but later on realise how stupid it is, or my thoughts were).

So yeah, that's a cool new feature I'm looking forward to trying as part of my recovery, and hopefully the app works nicely. If it is easy to use I will probably continue using it as my main bank account, but for now I will just test it out 🙂

Hope you all have a nice gamble-free day.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 17th October 2020 3:47 pm
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