[Closed] My Last Bad Day

My Day (in full). 

I "worked" from home. AKA Netflix and Nowt. 

I was not in the mood for work at all. 

I had a dial in and I told my team mates that I was sick of dial-in's and calibrations and stuff when we are 3 weeks behind schedule and this activity is sposed to be done once a quarter, not once a week. They are flogging it death. Now, I've said it politely for weeks but noone was listening and I was that side out to say pack it in cos we are a laughing stock in the compliance world cos nobody else does this. 

I went to see Debbie this aft. A little apprehensive about the drive cos of the car last night but not seeing Debbie. I got there early. I went to a charity shop for a mooch. I found a Super Dry Hoodie in Sky Blue with white vintage style logo on it for £6.99 and a Ted Baker Lunch Bag in Black with a Rose Gold bow and trim for the same price. Very very happy. So by the time I went to see Debbie, I was riding the crest of a wave of a post-shopping high. I told her. I filled in my forms and then talked about the last week and I told her what I thought about it all and I reckon I hit the nail on the head of all my thoughts and feelings and stuff. 

Anyways, so it was a good visit and I felt happy. 

Then my Dad phoned. Least said about that the better cos I'm just upsetting everybody since that happened. 

Then I went to my two jobs. 

Then I came home. My football team have won a game! 

Life is not all bad. Just feels like it sometimes. 

Drama. 

Posted by: Forum admin

Dear DramaLlama,

I'm sorry to read your above post; it sounds like a really difficult situation and I imagine it must be hard to feel that you are being treated differently to your brothers.  I am glad to hear that you were able to talk to another family member when you were feeling so upset and that this did help you to feel better. It was also nice to read the supportive messages sent to you by Boo and Murlo. I know you have gone to work now, but if you do need anything else at all this evening, please do feel free to get in touch.

Wishing you all the best,

Forum Admin

 

 

Thank-you for recommending this. I got told by the Chat Mod to do it and by you. I took the advice on board and I chatted someone. I wasn't in crisis. I wasn't drunk. I did not want to gamble. I told the person who answered the online call all of that. They could've cut me off there and then and said well, if you aren't in trouble then you don't need me but they didn't. 

I had the best conversation I've ever had with them. It was real good. I spoke about things that are happening logically and from a place like I would've done 18 months ago. I feel really good about that. I feel ever so grateful to that person for taking the time to listen to me. I dunno that I can put into words what it means to me to be able to do that. 

I feel happy and healthy. 

Drama. 

xoxoxoxo

Hi Drama

Sorry you had a bad day and I’m guessing from the post it’s your birthday? Or in the next few days? If it is ‘Happy birthday’ - sorry if it wasn’t that happy ☹️. 

Just seen your last post and glad you talked to someone. It sounds like it did a lot of good. Keep your chin up and that fighting spirit that all of us have come to love. 

Good night!

Bex x

Posted by: Lonelysoul

Hi Drama

Sorry you had a bad day and I’m guessing from the post it’s your birthday? Or in the next few days? If it is ‘Happy birthday’ - sorry if it wasn’t that happy ☹️. 

Just seen your last post and glad you talked to someone. It sounds like it did a lot of good. Keep your chin up and that fighting spirit that all of us have come to love. 

Good night!

Bex x

It's on Saturday Bex. I'm actually looking forward to it despite the drama with my folks. I'm gonna visit them early on in the day and get it over with. Then I'm going to see Auntie A afterwards cos I reckon I'll need the emotional support. 

I'm off to see Sleeping Beauty at the Theatre in the early evening and then I'll meet my friends at the pub. 

All in all. I'm hoping it won't be a bad day. 

Drama 

xoxoxo

Today. 

I stayed up super late (3am) so you know what that means. I don't wanna talk about it. 

I feel kinda numb today. Like maybe my broken heart is too broken to even try fixing anymore? I am not sad, angry, happy, just nothing. Kinda flat. I'll take flat though. It's better than being crazy. 

I WFH today. I emailed my boss last night to say I was WFH and why. I was 100% honest about why but worded it so it was not dramatic. Essentially saying that I am safer here but I don't wanna go sick, I love my job. I enjoy it. He checked on me at dinner and we had a chat and he seemed genuinely concerned so that was nice, I guess. 

I did 6 file reviews today. That's an impressive number given the type of work it was but given my feelings are in check or not there at all, I reckon that made it much easier to focus. 

I went on chat at lunch and just had Murlo and Boo to myself for a spell cos we didn't have a mod so I didn't tell them I gambled them cos I didn't wanna trigger anyone without them having support. 

I went and did cleaning job no. 1. It was alright. Then I went and got fish and chips and came home for tea. 

I went on chat at 8pm and told folk what I did but there was a mod there so they can look after folk if they aren't alright. I get worried about setting other folk off. 

Um, then I went and did job. no. 2. It was also not so bad. 

I re-shaped my Ted Baker bag today using some law books cos it was a bit flat and wouldn't stand up. Now it's all fixed and I just like looking at it. I don't know why. I have lot's of nice bags but this is my first trendy one so maybe it's that?

Mechanic is coming in the morning to look at my car. This is good cos it doesn't feel safe to drive. 

That'll do for now. 

Drama. x

Evening Drama, you recently gave me some very sound advice about focusing on myself, that is the abridged version. I heeded it.  It would make me even happier to know that you will do that for you. It might sound strange to say that I care about a virtual buddy but I really do. Love you and I am in your corner x

Posted by: Murlo

Evening Drama, you recently gave me some very sound advice about focusing on myself, that is the abridged version. I heeded it.  It would make me even happier to know that you will do that for you. It might sound strange to say that I care about a virtual buddy but I really do. Love you and I am in your corner x

Yes. You are correct. I must try and do that. 

As for caring about virtual buddies. I don't think that's strange at all. I care about you guys. You do get a sense and a feel for people when you chat regularly. It's not a fake friendship. It's very real. I appreciate your support mate. Honest I do. 

Love from Drama x

Evening Drama. 

Saddened to read that things have been getting you down and that you have had a stumble. It is a shame but these things do happen. 

My heart goes out to you and I wish you well.

Stephen x 

Hi Drama,

If you have a setback you don't knock me back or hinder my recovery. You just want to make me grab your hand & pull you up onto the next rung of the ladder. Love & value yourself.

Sincere Best Wishes

AL

Drama thanks for your consideration on chat.. However having just read slowlearner. I echo his sentiments.. 

I'm there for you.. Ti's what I signed up for when I joined. 

Take care.. Until chat... Bye for now boo xxxx

That was nice to wake up to. Thanks guys. I especially like the mental picture I get of Al taking my hand and helping me up.

I think I figured out my flat feeling. 

If you stay up till the wee hours gambling and then wake up later in the morning then it's not a gamble free day. It's just another J****E gambler day and that sucks. 

Anyway so I chatted a lassie on the Helpline last night and essentially asked her to help me get to bed. I have zero shame these days. I explained about gambling yesterday and then after that we talked about Football and I snapped out of the zone and was suddenly very very tired and went to bed and slept till just now. 

I do feel much better than yesterday. 

Drama ?

Hello Dramallama

Sorry to hear about your lapse. Glad you're feeling much better for some sleep. Give yourself credit for the way you're handling your lapse - you are reaching out and asking for help, you're looking after yourself and most importantly you're staying on the recovery path. It would be so easy just to give up and say 'well I've lapsed now there's no point' but you have picked yourself up, dusted yourself off and carried on with recovery.

Hope you continue to find visiting the chatroom regularly helpful and you're welcome to contact the HelpLine on 0808 8020 133 or the NetLine. We're open 24/7 now. 

Take care,

Forum Admin

Glad your little motor is back in good health.. 

Stay safe... 

.. Good nite. Sleep well drama. Boo ?

Day after Yesterday. 

Mechanic came at 8. The house was cold and I expected to be in and out with him so I put on some cargo jeans and a rugby shirt. It's blue and grey with horizontal stripes. I got it off my God-brother (Godmum's kid). His family (aunts and uncles) still buy him Christmas presents that are for an 18 y/o kid and they never fit so I get them. 🙂 

I WFH. I did not much of ought. 

The mechanic fixed a steering arm? Said my brakes are fine and I prolly just hit some leaves and the feeling I felt was just the ABS being brutal. He ordered a motor for the heater fans and came back at 4.30 to fit that. I know have heating in my car and no longer have to drive around with the windows open! This is sheer heaven. 

I went and voted. Then I took Hubby to the pub. I saw my drinking pal P. He's a good egg. He says he might come to the Theatre with me some time. That would be nice. 

I saw A who sometimes goes to my Church. We talked about Pastoral care at my Church which is pretty non-existent cos my Priest is deffo on the spectrum and doesn't do well with anything other than services. I said that the PCC has to take responsibility though because if he can't/won't do it then the Eucharistic Ministers should do it. I should know, I am one. I mean I haven't done it cos of my problems this year but I have done it for years because I knew he couldn't. I am still licensed to be one by the Bishop. I just can't offer support to people who are sick when I'm not well myself. It would be too much. 

I guess I am just miffed that I invested alot of myself into this Church and since I've not been well, the Church has not bothered to check on me once. That's very sad really. I would never have let that happen to someone else. 

I went to work very late. I've done my best but I'm tired so it may not be good enough. 

I am home now and watching the election results. 

That is all for now.  

Drama

xoxoxox

Oh! and I got an email from a casino site tonight saying they have blocked my account. Alle-flipping-luia It's funny cos it happened exactly when I was in chat with people talking about Christmas being Christmas cos we don't shorten Christ to X as in Xmas and then that happened so it was really cool. 

I feel like Jesus loves me. Not felt worthy of love in a while. Hard to explain. 

Sorry for being a big old bible-basher tonight but I have my faith. It's been lacking for months so it feels nice that I'm reconnecting with that side of my being. It's always been a huge comfort for me since I was small. 

I don't push my beliefs on others. I just have them. 

Drama.