[Closed] My Last Bad Day

I take off my hat and bow down low

To a charismatic cutie whose arrived at day six o 

A wild and wacky warrioress - full of life and rocking 

Making up for lost time cos the clock is ticking and tocking

Drams,

Nice post to read. Congratulations on your achievement of reaching 60 days. I’m delighted for you.

We’re both within a few days of each other so lets kick on now and get to the 90 days then 100 and then on again.

As you say, we’ll all have good days and bad days but let our recovery experience both days without the need to gamble. Tomorrow will forever be another day with other chances.

You're doing super. Keep going.

RR 

Stace, if you're reading this, which I suspect you are, I just wanna say that I hope your Nan had a wonderful send off. May she rest in peace and rise in glory and you get back on here asap. We all miss you. xxx

Stephen, lol you called me cutie. I like this. I like it alot! 

RR, thank-you so much for your support. I didn't realise we were that close in days. I'm gonna have to check out your journal. 

Fri-yay! 

I WFH today but I maintain that not much work was done. It's like with my hours and that at the minute that I just purely run out of energy by Friday and use WFH as a catch up on my energy levels. I will make up for it tommoz when I do OT. I'll do loads of files and just tell my boss I was back-filling files that I did today. It's a total lie of course but you know.....I'm a compulsive gambler, we are good at them. 

I forgot to tell you yesterday that I went for a tea break with my best work mate P and he told me he'd joined the Gym. I used to go to this Gym before I got my cleaning job. I said I was waiting for them to do the 3 months for £30 pre-christmas offer and then I'd rejoin. He's like you can get it on the employee benefits site for a year for about £12 a month cos of the NI and tax deductions on your salary. I signed up. My membership starts 01/01/2020. I am very happy about this. Now, obvs, I don't need the exercise because I am doing enough with the cleaning but I think going to the Gym will help me with the not smoking and not drinking because it's a place where you are surrounded by healthy people and doing 5k on a treadmill after Mr. Ali's horrible under the counter cig's will be horrid so I am totally up for it! I will be mindful about how much I can do though and not cane it like I used to do. I also think it will be positive to spend time with P because he's a lovely lad. 

I blobbed work tonight cos I'm zonked. I took Hubby to the pub and T came in. This bloke is a complete Walter Mitty. He tells stories about being in the SAS and Helicopter crashes and stuff that are so far fetched they cannot be true. He's always dying of something and drives everyone up the wall. Last time he said he had open heart surgery I asked to see the scars and he declined. Anyway, so hard to explain 7 years of this chap interferring in mine and Hubby's relationship but I've always defended him as a lonely old soul and folks should leave him be. Until recently, Hubby stopped talking to him in April and I respected his decision but T absolutely couldn't accept that Hubby didn't want to be his friend anymore. I've tried to coach him to be a normal human being but this guy just has the thickest skin and wouldn't accept my counsel. 

We went bowling together a few months ago. Since then, he's been telling the guys in the pub that Hubby is jealous of him and me going bowling and that's why he's not talking to him. I've heard this from two very trustworthy people. That is it! I will be nice to you till kingdom come but don't insult, hurt, abuse or mess with mine because I will have ya!

Anyway so T came in tonight and once again, couldn't let be so I gave him a peace of my mind. Without swearing or cursing. I let him know that he's a disgrace and is absolutely cut off! Jealous! Yuck. My Hubby is worth 10 of him. 

So that happened. 

Anyways, so the whole trip to the pub wasn't a dead loss. I took some mensa puzzles. Like metal things joined together and you have to figure out how to get them apart and I drove the tea-club crazy trying to solve them. (Tea Club is just the after work drinkers who go at tea time, it's what we call it). 

I also saw my mates L&A who haven't talked to me since Whitby and we cleared the air and hugged and everything was great again. I am very happy about that. They saw how much weight the dog has lost and that we aren't being silly about this, it's serious. 

I went on chat tonight and was a bit of a soppy b******s. Sorry about that but I am taking stock of my last two months and feel loved up and wanting to say thank-you to everyone who has helped me. 

Um, Murlo. Try Avril Lavigne - Complicated. I really love that track. 

Bye for now. 

Drama 

xoxoxo

Uncle Kracker - Follow Me. 

love tour music choice Drama. Wish you were here pink floyd for me but I am a hippy at heart ? 

The Kinks - Lola. 

Love you Murlo. 

You are a good egg. 

xoxoxo

My brothers laughed at me sharing "Let's get ready to Rhumble" by PJ and Duncan on my FB. This makes me very happy. I love making my brothers smile. 

Morning Drama. 

Just a quick visit to wish you a happy, fun filled weekend with plenty of good adventures, lots of laughs and good spirited social interaction with an abundance of merriment and good feeling amongst you and your friends and loved ones as you celebrate the arrival of December with high jinx and camaraderie in a friendly, loving and supportive environment.

I believe that God saw that the world was missing a certain kind of sparkle and in her wisdom decided to send DramaLlama to brighten the place up and it was a good move on her part.

Stephen x 

I like the way you see me Stephen. It's real nice. 

Saturday. 

I woke up at 12.00 midday. Mega long sleep! I thought it was the first time I'd woken up but Hubby says that when he got up at 7.30a.m to walk the dog, he offered me tea and I said "no tea, only sleep" and then went back to sleep. So when we woke up we were having play fights and tickles and stuff trying to make the other one get out of bed to make a brew. I cannot remember the last time we did that! It was soooo silly. THEN I REMEMBERED! It's his birthday, that's why he's expecting me to get up. 

I ran downstairs and grabbed his present and ran back upstairs and gave it to him. He is absolutely suited with his man spray cos he knows it's super expensive and I've had to do some extra hours and stuff to get him the posh stuff. He loves it. I am also happy cos he doesn't bath as much as he should and at least now I know he'll smell nice. 

I went on chat at lunchtime. It was alright. 

I logged onto work from 14:30-19:30 and did my OT. I did not go cleaning. 

I took Hubby to the pub tonight. He is not in the best of moods. I know he's run outta that stuff he smokes and he always gets real strange when he doesn't have it. Like paranoid and angry and stuff. 

He's gone to his mancave and I'm in the front room. I'd like to hang out with him but I cannot cope with badness at the moment. My recovery is too fragile and I just need to take care of me. 

D x

Called women's aid as advised. They won't talk to you if you're in the home not alone. It's their policy. I am done. 

I won't call them again. That is all. 

Hello Drama.

Sorry if hubby's birthday celebrations went a bit sour but hope things were resolved and you are now feeling ok.

Your gamcare friends will have all been concerned about you today because we all think of you as a very good friend and travelling companion.

Wishing you every happiness over the coming week.

Stephen x 

Thank-you. Sorry if I upset you or ought. I'm okay. 

Sunday. 

I got up in a boo. I hate upset. I put on yesterday's clothes. All of them. I am a complete trog. 

I got a moderated post but I got an email from the f.A to say why they did it. Like what sentence and duplicate post was removed and why so I really didn't feel bad. Like, I totally got it. So thanks to them for explaining cos that did help with my hatred of being edited. I want my recovery journal to be a true reflection and it's pained me in the past to have it messed with but today I was not pained by that. 

I went to my cleaning job no. 1. It was cold cos they don't have the heating on at the weekends. I did a good job. 

I came home and had some spaghetti and sausages with toast. I say "with toast" cos I cut my two slices of toast in half and then arrange the halves around the plate to make a square in the middle and blob the sketti in the middle cos I HATE soggy toast. Can I just say that the sausages that you get in cans of sketti are not like the ones you get in cans of beans. They are like bullets. Horrible! I licked the tomato sauce off them and fed them to the dog. 

I went on chat for a spell. It was fine. 

I went to the shops and got some bakers complete for the dog and some other bits. 

I then went to cleaning job no. 2. It was near perfect. They must've had a quiet Friday so I watched half the Arsenal game then did my clean. A lady from the thing called and said she's sorry I didn't get a call this morning. I didn't mind. She's arranged a call for tommoz. I tried to nix that but she was having none of it. I was talking and then I wanted to cry so I kinda cut her short. No offense lady if you read this. I just dint wanna blub on the phone. My anger gets me through stuff lately and blubbing would've ruined it. I guess they just wanna make sure I'm okay but I am, I like just needed to vent to not gamble last night cos I really wanted to alot. I know that my situation is not normal but it is what it is, that's how I feel today. Some folks have real hard lives and have to search through rubbish tips for food and stuff. A little perspective is everything. 

After work I took the dog to the park. It was cold but nice. I wish the park didn't shut early in winter. I do miss it. 

I have not made a Sunday dinner. This is my thing. It's like the only weapon I have in my Arsenal if you like. If you upset me, I'm not cooking for you. End of. 

Hubby has been super nice to me today but that doesn't help. He's only doing it cos he's getting what he wants. I want him to be nice because he loves and respects me. 

I went to see a man about a dog. 

Then I went to the pub and got squiffy. It was about time that I didn't have to drive. 

I have done absolutely no Uni work at all. I have booked two days off week after next in anticipation of having to catch up with that. Hopefully my boss approves it but he seems a chill kinda guy. Don't see why he wouldn't. 

I am pleased that Murlo hit 4 weeks. It makes me happy. I hope Bex is okay cos I haven't heard from her in a bit and I'm glad that Bal is back. 

I do feel a part of something on this forum. 

That is all. 

Drama 

xoxoxo

I really feel like gambling. 

Let it be no more than a feeling Drama