My journey..

Hey Tizzy

Back to really busy days at work - 11 hour day today 🙁

Havent watched Deceit yet, noted to let you know my thoughts when I do. New drama set to record at 2100.

This topic may be worthy of the debates and discussions part of the Forum and engage others if anyone interested but I'll run it past my best friend first 😉

Its about a combination of CGs appreciating the value of money and also connected to the stages and duration of the buzz:

So lets say my average bet was £100 and I placed that on a horse first thing in the morning and it runs at 5 o clock  - for me the *anticipation* stage of the buzz started whenever I placed a bet - so I'd get anticipation buzz from the point of the placing of the bet, followed by *involvement* buzz when the race is happening and then *after event* buzz if the horse won - if it didnt the buzz stops at the end of the race. But I've had maybe 8 hours of buzz for £100 ( could be any amount, relative to the individual ). Lets stay positive here and say I didnt bet an more that day is the horse lost. So here's where the value of money thing comes in - what else could someone do with that £100 - lets say buy some clothes. So a different type of buzz but still a buzz, and maybe for same duration in terms of planning the shopping trip then actually buying the clothes and then a guaranteed buzz at some point later when wearing the clothes, then the buzz goes at a point when you have worn the outfit a few times. So is the person buying the clothes getting more for their money than the gambler?  Could come up with any number of things the £100 could be spent on, say going to a concert or some other evening out, maybe 2 evenings out. But probably the difference is that whilst one could argue these are just alternative means of spending some of our income on a 'leisure' activity, of course the difference for a gambler, certainly a CG, is that we may 'purchase' our buzz every day, we cannot accept loss and we buy more and more buzz. People buying clothes dont do that normally  ( of course there are shopaholics). Most people dont overspend on going out. So there are similarities and differences here. But I know you will relate to my described scenario re the anticipation and after buzz. Many dont and think its all about only when you are 'in the action'. 

To link this to how much we appreciate the value of money, I used to try and think to myself - £100 buys me maybe 8 hours buzz. But say £1000 allows me to go on holiday for a week, spending included, so 24 hours x 7 days for a week of 'buzz' of a different kind ( if the holiday is great). That argument often felt apart as my brain told me I needed to *win* the holiday money before going, which resulted in a loss, which made me miserable before the holiday even started! I even used to think - £6 buys me a coffee and a cake, sit in the coffee shop for 20 mins, nice and peaceful, relax, watch the world go by, people watch. So £6 of relaxation buzz for 20 mins, could do that 16 times for my £100. These kind of scenarios have gone round in my head, sometimes kept me sane and calm, helped my recovery at times, put things in perspective. 

I think I definitely value life's simple, free or small charge things more now and am on some days more at peace, other days I think of the past too much and regrets and my financial situation and become more down and anxious, but I can see steps of improvement forming overall.

Interested in your thoughts on the above. Hope you have had a good day.

Captain 

Evening Tizzy

Work still packed and next week's schedule already padded out. Gonna spend an hour on Sunday in prep for it ( not often I do any work at weekend).

Been watching Baptiste - seemingly this is the last series ever. Quite good but I'd prefer they told the story chronologically instead of jumping back from the present to the past continuously. 

Agreed our minds aren't wired like 'normal' people, whatever normal is 🙂

Been asked about preferences for continuing to work from home, part-time working in office ('blended' working is the buzz phrase!) or back in office full-time. Well I can trot out some of the same standard reasons for staying at home as some people - more flexibility, less travel, less cost of travel, no cost of buying new 'office' clothes, cant quote the 'can take the kids to and from school' which is a popular one.

Could say I prefer staying at home as I'm a loner and most of the time prefer my own company but thats a bit personal although many wouldn't be surprised to hear me say. Downside is having to appear on camera for video calls and spending too many hours on calls ( more so than meetings in office, a lot can be achieved/solved by quick chats, but the norm over the last year is more calls involving more people, a lot of whom dont actually need to be there).

I dont like small talk and certainly dont miss listening to people rabbiting away about stuff, a lot of which is something and nothing but they do their best to make it sound exciting. I mostly tried to tune out and just get on with my work (when not counting the hours till lunchtime and the bookies). But a downside is not seeing 'live' people as much as I used to. Yes I go for wanders some lunchtimes and to the Health club so I'm not totally isolated but different from being out of the house from say 0700-1800 and never being on my own except when I go to the loo 😉

And I certainly dont miss people asking me about whether I watched a particular football match last night (still get some of that via calls but nowhere near as much and sometimes I have to lie and say I watched the game as I feel if I always say I didnt watch it, it would seem strange). Not so bad asking about a game afterwards actually, more difficult when asking about a game in advance as it could in theory trigger me thinking about gambling on it. A few times that has happened on chat, people aren't maybe doing anything wrong but there were a couple of times the convo went on too long and I just logged out.

So a lot to consider but good they are being open to everyones views I guess and will try to take personal preferences into account.

Back to Baptiste.

Have a good weekend, speak soon, let me know what's new, do really enjoy keeping in touch BFF.

Captain 

Tizzy I smile whenever I see that there is a new post on my diary from you, even before I read it 😉  

Well last weekend I was down after the negative Forum comments from others, but this week I'm back to 'normal' again. Ventured out this morning to wander the local streets and shops and dropped in for a coffee. Couldn't get a window seat inside so sat outside. The chairs were drenched so I got a wet b*m 🙂 but I don't care, gave me a better view to people watch. In one respect still strange to do this on a Saturday, more natural historically for me on weekdays, but the advantage of a Saturday is no time constraint to get back for work.

You may have read some of this on my diary previously, I cant really remember how much of it I included, but I'll just summarise (although happy to elaborate further on future post if you want). I grew up an only child, happy childhood in many respects but I did spend a lot of time playing alone, got used to being comfortable in my own company. Had many kids I played football with but only a few who I could say were 'friends' as such. So I've always been somewhat of a loner, long before gambling issues. Gambling being a 'hobby' which can be a solitary pursuit made it a great choice for me, allied to love of sport. From teenage years onwards, a continuous cycle of making friends through high school, college, work, and then drifting apart from them when no longer in the same day to day environment, moving jobs etc. A lot of socialising linked to football teams but again although socialising with the guys, very few were in the 'friends' category. Amongst all this there were 3 specific periods where I had close groups of friends and at those times thought they would last forever but didnt due to various reasons. Only one of the 3 groups fell apart due to my gambling and cancelling planned meets regularly. Some got married and suddenly their lives were with their wives and kids and meeting up was once in a blue moon. So overall my experience is if you are lucky you maintain friendships with those you grew up with, other than that there needs to be common location or interest that brings you together. But the gambling has only been a relatively small factor in not maintaining friendships over long periods. I've always been a private person, various reasons for that. Appreciate that pushes people away and makes it difficult to form friendships. Also my topics of interest are fairly narrow so that can limit conversation and easily lead to be 'clamming up' when topics switch to those I have no knowledge or interest in.

My mother is 80 soon so I'm gonna start doing some searches for gifts today to then order stuff at the end of the month. 

From a recovery perspective in general I'm hopeful it will be an easier period now following all the summer sporting events being over and the football season start having happened.

Hope you enjoy the party even though you werent looking forward to it 🙂

Everything happens for a reason and recovery can get better each season  

Captain 

Hey Tizzy

Well I'm a private person and you are not but we seem to very much in tune with each other both regards gambling history and recovery chat and general chat 😉

You are getting to know me - was up at 550 this morning, did 1hr 40 mins work, gets that out of the way, then got Sunday papers, breakfast and away for family visit.

The search for stuff for my Mother was certainly made easier by it being a 'special' birthday so can get a mug, a trinket box, a clock etc. with Mum 80th on them plus books which are focusing on 'growing up in the 40s' so quite a good choice and can steer away from the usual stuff I tend to get and leave that for Christmas.

Glad the party was at least passable 🙂 Can tell how much you love your Grandson and how much spending time with him means to you. I know its not this easy whatsoever but with my 'advisor' hat on what I'll say is anytime you are in a mode where you are spending too much time *shopping* and *chasing* around the shop, think of your Grandson and maybe think 'he wouldn't be proud of me acting like this'.

Time to read those Sunday papers I bought this morning, then watch football highlights later. Also got one more Baptiste to watch then final episode tonight, may defer it to another night given my early rise 🙂

Captain 

Evening Tizzy

Just off chat and saw your message 😉 so reply before I turn in for the night.

I've said for nearly all my adult life, where do all the weeks / months / years go - time at school went slowly (I thought in a good way) - each school year seemed to last a while, felt like a whole adventure every time I moved on to the next class, each summer of 6 weeks lasted a while, can still recall the school years vividly and then you start working and whoosh, your life just suddenly accelerates and you wonder where it went. (And although gambling has played some part in that perhaps its more about just the time you spend working, the responsibilities you have and things you have to do I think, when as a kid you just enjoying your life, and quite understandably took a lot of things for granted.)

Stress - I got stressed at work when I had periods of being 'out of my depth', when I moved jobs and had a lot to learn and the people around me were so far ahead of me in terms of knowledge and also better educated. So I didnt fit in. Went from being top of the ladder to bottom in a sense, although I was being paid more. That was tough and one of the big factors for increased gambling. Gambling was an escape from the stress.

I dont get stressed in my current job, not about amount of work anyway. I have frustrations but not stress per se these days. You would laugh if you saw me / heard me sometimes. I can actually be enjoying what I'm doing and smiling a bit but at the same time P**f my cheeks out and blow out or sing a bit of a tune and shake my head due to something which has gone wrong which I have to put right or because of a statement or question in an email. Never seen myself on video when I'm like that but I'm sure it would be entertaining 🙂 and people may think I'm having a minor fit when I'm not !

Today wasnt too bad work wise and managed to fit in both a walk and a haircut.

Agreed there are a lot of people out there who dont realise they have a problem and also many who do but cant bring themselves to admit it to anyone or do anything about it. No question the internet and technology have made it so much easier to gamble. Before that you at least you had to go to a venue and withdraw cash physically. Now just tapping on a phone and you can lose so much money so quickly and easily and as many say it doesn't feel like real money. I actually managed to stay away from online for a good while after it became available as I recognised the dangers for myself but when I got to know that the odds were so much better online than in a bookies it 'made sense' to start online.

re chat, Tizzy, if I could count the number of people who have come onto chat and those who have started diaries on here over the years and their appearance is just brief and someone gave me £10 for each one I could pay off my debts! OK maybe exaggerating a little but Gamcare probably have the numbers. I have definitely seen hundreds in that category. Takes a big effort to admit a problem, bigger effort to come on here and admit it, but then sticking with it and seeing it through to where you want to be, well that can be a mountain but plaudits to all who have climbed.

Today I kinda feel I can say I am at 7/10 and thats the highest I've been for a long long time. Not sure why and part of me immediately thinks when I type that I've shot myself in the foot and being complacent and I'll fall back down again but hope not and just scoring each day as I have done for so long now.

Theres a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow but for some people its just better not reaching for it and best just to stand in the rain and enjoy the shower.

Captain

Hi Tizzy

Work continues to be hectic and covering for absences of others too. Working at 6am this morning before the 'core' day began.

I dunno about looking smart after the haircut lol !

Good you did the parents visit, really hope your Dad's health improves.

Watched last episode of Baptiste last night, they say its the last series ever, hope not. Havent started on Deceit yet.

Bank holiday next week - great from a work point of view. If I take a day off I have stuff to catch up on when I return, only parts of my job are covered. At least when its a bank holiday everyone is off so nothing to catch up on. Might go a short trip somewhere, wait and see.

Bank holidays in past years sent me into panic - here was the thought process (before online) - I won't be able to go into the bank on Monday, I'll only be able to withdraw the maximum from the machine, what if I need more, better take a lot out before the holiday ! Even worse at Easter when they are closed both Friday and Monday. Then when I started gambling online. sometimes it was more about ' I need to get money into my account before the bank holiday so I can deposit into online account - dont want to be in a situation where I cant deposit enough'  - complete madness all of it, illogical thinking. And sometimes it meant borrowing money from somewhere to be able to pay it in to my account prior to the holiday. 

Was just on chat and mentioned about cgs having a self destruct button, didnt get to this detail on chat but an analogy could be you go into a coffee shop, look at the cakes/pastries, choose one you like / enjoy. What if they dont have any you like, and you have a food intolerance for some things, but you feel you must choose something, even if it makes you ill/sick, well you wouldn't buy it  /eat it would you? But thats how it was for me with gambling, focus on only gambling on something I thought would win and had knowledge of, but perhaps there are a few days you dont identify anything and eventually you just bet on anything just for the buzz and involvement, even though you know you are heading for disaster, gonna lose all your money, make yourself mentally and physically ill, have to borrow, gonna lie in bed all day next day torturing yourself about it all, but you hit that self-destruct button anyway. 

Then there's also the binge, where whatever type of gambling is your poison, you just place that first bet, 2nd bet, they dont win, you chase, lose more, lose everything, actually *want* to lose everything, so that the next day or the next month is a period of calm and peace and not gambling and losing and chasing and going through the whole cycle of pain and waste - another example of the 'self-destruct' within us.

Anyway 6/10 today so thats not bad 🙂 Hope you have had a good day BFF and hear from you again soon.

Early morning when I wake up I look like Kiss but without the make up - name the song...

Captain 

Hi Tizzy

Can totally understand you are worried about your Dad. Hope things work out for him. Obliged to say dont use it as any reason to gamble, stick to shopping.

Had to google those lyrics but then kicked myself for not knowing as I am totally a lyrics person and I have the song on my collection on computer / my phone aargh 🙁   an apt song for our addiction in many respects and other aspects of life.

Back to the work from home / back in office choices - some people are just gonna retire...this is another topic of conversation I dont miss from the office - a number of colleagues are in my age group and early retirement appeals to them - anytime anyone asked me I just said I like to keep busy and I'd be bored etc., cant say the real reason that I have no money and a shedload of debt. Not being in the office takes me away from those chats - based on my average salary over the years, if I wasnt a CG, I could have a decent pension pot, maybe other investments / savings etc. but I'll be working for many years yet, by law they cant force me to retire at a certain age. I'll just stay focused on my recovery journey, see what the bank say in December, keep living week to week and hope it works out, cant change the past and not envious of colleagues, good luck to them, take the early retirement if thats what they want, just feel uncomfortable with the conversation and probably get more difficult as years go on and I still keep working.

Going to watch Undeniable tonight, only 2 episodes. You mentioned it before it was on but cant recall you saying if you enjoyed it?

New running shoes on the Agenda next week....maybe make me go faster 😉

Is it getting better? Or do you feel the same? Will it make it easier on you now?You got someone to blame

Captain 

Well Tizzy we have much in common as CGs and a number of other things 😉 but I'm really starting to wonder about the music lol, had to google those lyrics and never heard of the song at all, have heard of the artist but couldn't name any of her other songs!

What's the latest with your Dad? Do let me know.

Chose going for a run today instead of the shops and coffee. Planned to go to the health club at lunchtime yesterday but didnt make it, only had time for 20 mins lunch break the way the day turned out. In theory of course I have *time* to run and then also go to the shops on a Saturday but my *routine* doesn't allow me the time and I dont want to change what seems to be working. When I run its never a great thing when I turn a corner and see someone else running ahead of me - my competitive nature kicks in and I just feel I need to catch them - have pulled muscles a few times over the years in attempts, but to be fair there have also been many occasions (like today!) when I did catch them. Bit daft really as I have of course no idea how fit/good the person is, they could be running slower than met but much longer distance etc. but I guess I'll never stop being  competitive in some way, cant do competitive sport, competitive random gambling got me into a bad place, no harm in chasing another runner 🙂

Saw an old bookies acquaintance yesterday - he just said Hello but I feel from his look like he was saying 'havent seen you for a while' . I've decided if anyone does say that I'll just say I do all my gambling online now, its just easier than an alternative conversation.

Just treating this as a normal weekend and pushing Monday to the back of my mind for now. Bit of thought to do something, go somewhere, but no pressure and doesn't matter if I dont. Minded of bank holiday traffic and everywhere busy so probably better to go somewhere on another normal day off. Bank holidays were always like another Saturday with extra race meetings and more time to spend in the bookies and I looked forward to them with optimism then all too often struggling back at work on the Tuesday after a heavy loss and having to listen to other people tell of their 'fantastic' holiday weekends. 

Started watching the 'I am.... ' series off C4 catch up, six episodes, really thought provoking, dunno if you have seen it?

Hope you enjoyed the pampering if you went.

Captain 

Hey Tizzy

Good positive news about your Dad 🙂

I think we do have some commonality in music, maybe just need to dig deeper 😉 - I'm a big Elvis fan too and also dont listen to any modern music so maybe the lyrics game can still prove worthwhile...

Watched another I am... yesterday - really relevant - a gambler left his partner penniless....I said the others were thought provoking in general, that one even more so.

Films with a twist and whodunnits, Yes with you there to some extent although not Agatha Christie per se, find those ones a bit dull and old fashioned. A Murder mystery weekend does sound fun, I think I'd enjoy that. You should plan it sometime now you have mentioned it. ( I also have some picture in my head now of you watching a whodunnit with the shivers and on tenterhooks and trying to work it all out and your body language and I wonder which of us will work out the culprit lol )  I dont mind when I dont work it out but sometimes the storyline of the end twist can be a bit far fetched.

I find myself back down at 4/10 today (dont worry but just being honest)  - I have over the years had a habit of 'suddenly realising' things which form a negative e.g. realising the football season is nearly over and getting into a panic about gambling over the summer and how I will handle it and that I'm bound to lose etc. Today I'm realising I still have over 3 months to the bank meeting and it feels like I have to keep living in 'groundhog' mode till then, but at the same time I've no real choice and I guess its working. Also 'suddenly realised' its only another month or so of gardening, and given I'm maintaining 2 other gardens plus my own that then frees up extra time each week - not sure thats good.

Sure I definitely know loads about football and if I had only ever gambled on football I wouldn't have been anywhere near Gamcare. Got to feel sorry for you (((Tizzy))) as a Gooner just now - they have had a tough set of fixtures to kick off with this season, but they are a strong team ( well they must be they are holding up everyone else in the league, boom boom 😉 ) They will bounce back and they have had a good deal of success over the years.

Just because I asked a friend about her, just because I spoke her name somewhere, just because I rang her number by mistake today.....

Captain 

Hi Tizzy, 

Thanks for posting on my diary some very kind words spoken there. Really appreciate it. Well done to you also your doing well staying away from the online slots, must of gained alot of weeks there also. I know there was a bit of uproar the other week about the other side of things but if that's your choice and decision then we need to respect it as you said you didn't like how your online gambling was becoming a problem and you addressed that so well done.

Not a problem, I loved line of duty so with it being same writer wanted give it a twirl and I love suranne Jones, as captain said she was was fab in doctor Foster. I'm actually hoping there will be another body guard, that was a good watch x

Love Kate x

Just watched vigil, was really good 

Hi Tizzy

Hope you enjoyed the barbecue. 

That song is an Elvis song 🙂 😉  - I was trying to give you an easy one! -  ok he wasnt the original artist but if I google it, it comes up with Elvis singing it - maybe depends what search engine you are using - check out Elvis singing it on Youtube - looks like I have added to your Elvis collection haha 

Agreed that Undeniable was a good one. Glad you watched I am Kirsty and yes can happen in real life, same with all the other scenarios in the series, really gets you thinking. Back to Life is back on tomorrow, thought the first series of that was ok.

There is a book from Peter Shilton out next month - tackling his gambling addiction after 45 years - that will be worth a read.

Went to the beach today, just a quiet beach, wandered along, took in the sea air, had a coffee. Cheap few hours out. Traffic wasnt as bad as I anticipated. Had a route planned to turn around and head back home if it was. Not a bad bank holiday, had better when I won money, had much worse when I lost a lot. My face is burning now, looked in the mirror I'm like a traffic light 😉  Saw I guy I used to work with at the beach, quite surprised, didnt expect to see anyone I knew, just said Hello - had a look at him, around my age but I'm in better shape than him physically and he used to play football years ago too. Maybe his life is in better shape than mine in other ways, probably.

Cant really be bothered with work tomorrow. Its strange, I'm generally not like that on a Monday but when I have a Monday off its worse going back to it on the Tuesday.

5/10 today, on the way back up again overall. More lyrics to come after you tell me if you like the 'new' Elvis song 😉

Captain 

Thats the wonder, the wonder of Tizzy 😉

Absolutely singing it and have done on nights out many years ago ( very badly but sounds better when you are in a group of folk!)

Tell your OH he isnt cuddling you enough if you need the central heating on in August - October at earliest for me 🙂

Work was ok today, couple of hours in and its back to normal again, still fairly busy but got time for Health club today.

Hope your grandson behaved himself. I've never spent time around kids so no idea what its like, enough trouble looking after myself never mind anyone else !

International football this week, that was a 'break' for me latterly. For reasons which I'd better not expand on, I stopped gambling on international qualifying matches quite a while ago, and so I'm fine with watching those. Different when it was the finals. So I'm caught between the odd things like that which I can watch and have some interest in, those I cant watch and do only highlights and then some sport which on reflection I only watched because I gambled on it and it would do nothing for me without a bet.

Payday today so will get the new running shoes this week and order the stuff for my Mum's birthday.

Pop onto chat now and see who's around.

I talked to my baby on the telephone long distance
I never would've guessed I could miss someone so bad

Captain 

Hi Tizzy 

I got that song and artist straight away so 10 points for me ?. Only 1 point for you I’m afraid for singing, 5 for the song title and 5 for the artist ?.

Some autumn coloured leaves on the trees showing so I’m taking that as the start of my favourite season but despite that I’ve been back down at 3/10 last 2 days. Just feeling like groundhog life too much but I know living like this is the right and only way to be just now and on the whole my better than average days have increased if I was to chart it so probably only a couple of not so good days.

Ordered the shoes and for my Mum a mug, clock, coaster, trinket box and book which are all 80th themed and I’ll get a cake and flowers on the day.

Day off tomorrow, won’t be doing much but feel I need it even though I had bank holiday, feel bit drained. Psychologically it’s different from the bank holiday, no gambling pressure and no self pressure to do something just because it’s a bank holiday. 

Wandered at lunchtime today and realised I haven’t been in to the bookies for quite a while. As you know that has proved helpful to me in recovery as it has reminded me in the space of 5 mins of the many bad days and big losses and being totally out of control. Actually think I can recall those now more vividly anyway without going in and regularly I’m able to admit to myself that although the bad days were fewer than good numerically, the negative effects financially and otherwise of the bad days were catastrophic. Something that’s in my mind a lot is when the bookies announcer used to say ‘Last chance to bet, Last chance to bet’ and at that split second it seemed like that was the last opportunity to place a bet in my life so I quickly made a selection on that race and rushed to the counter. That was on those crazy out of control, chase losses days. Horrible to be standing in there, trapped by the bug, feeling forced to keep gambling and physically my body being unable to walk out.

Hope your good. 

I’ve had other guys I’ve looked into their eyes but I’ve never had love before till you walked through my door 

Captain 

Hey busy Tizzy

Course I've missed you. Butterflies zooming around my stomach, always the same at the start of a new relationship 😉

Didnt have a clue on those lyrics, had heard of the song when I googled but would never have got that. I wonder if anyone else reading our posts is doing better than us - maybe someone has got all of them! My music  collection is varied and focused towards songs rather than artists. Madonna songs are predominately from one album which reminds me of my first time abroad on holiday (when Gambling was no more than a passive interest)

re the grading out of 10, there is always a point in the day when I grade myself, but its not like a consistent time every day and its all about generally how I feel about life and recovery, not impacted by work. I've had some stressful jobs/periods over the years but my current job is solid. Even when I have said I'm massively busy I'm not stressed at all. People at work wouldn't be able to tell my mode being different, they'll just see me as 'normal' and particularly since I'm working from home. Sure I had many afternoons in the past in the office which were horrendous due to big lunchtime losses and there must have been times when people wondered what was wrong with me on those days.

Running shoes will be a couple of weeks as they are coming from overseas.

My Mum's birthday isnt for another few weeks but I was just ordering the gifts so that they arrive on time and on payday which is an old habit of paying for things before I ran out of money.

Day off was just gardening, chores, walking, coffee, reading, all fine. I love Autumn because of the colours on the trees, great scenes, and being out on a sunny but crisp cool day. My season favourites run consecutively from Autumn first through to Summer last. I've always managed to enjoy Autumn regardless of my gambling/financial situation.

Any more news on your Dad? Well done on the 3 months, keep it going and hopefully you will cease to think about it at all at some point.

Glad you enjoyed Vigil but I really dont think its for me based on reading the storyline. I tried Silent Witness years ago and didnt like that. I am rather fussy 🙂 . Should probably add (and you may have read this on my diary) that I had spells in the past of watching what I describe as 'rubbish TV' i.e. watching almost anything just for something to do, repeats of 70s and 80s series on ITV4 etc. I steer away from that now but it isnt that easy to find new stuff given the time I've spent viewing over the past year, exhausted all boxsets which interested me off BBC/C4. Going to start on Deceit today so I'll let you know what I think.

Take care BFF

Captain