Hi there this is my first time writing about this so here goes......
I started online gambling about 10 years ago. Like many I was sensible in the beginning depositing £10 per month and enjoying the buzz of making a little extra cash and once it was gone it was gone.
About this time my wife and I had our first and only child. We both longed for more children however several miscarriages later we discovered a genetic issue which meant we were very unlikely to have anymore. We are very grateful for the daughter we have however still longed to give her a sibling. We used all our savings to pay for IVF treatment and additional testing (due to the genetic issue) however this failed. We now face the reality we would never have another child of our own. This was the beginning of my downward spiral.
A month or so after the IVF I went to London with mates from work. After a few drinks we ended up in a casino. I saw this as an opportunity to win big and get more money to try IVF again. I never considered what would happen if I lost. Having no savings and little money, I somehow thought that using my credit card would be a good idea. How wrong I was. I betted and lost, better and lost, better and lost, it went on until I was about £15,000 (fifteen thousand pounds) down. What had I done.
I was alone, for two years I was alone. I kept this problem to myself, i told no one. I managed to get a low interest loan, however to make the payments each month so my wife wouldn't find out I gambled online. Some months I won enough, some months I never. Sometimes I withdrew cash from a credit card to make a loan payment...... After about 2 years of this, I was stressed to the max. I could hardly bare it anymore and had no idea how to get out of the mess I was in or had become. I was constantly irritable, couldn't sleep, couldn't think straight or concentrate. Then last week when i was at work, a letter arrived for me. My wife rarely opens my mail however on this day she did 'thankfully'. The letter confirmed me cashing in our savings investment for our daughter. I am so ashamed. My wife challenged me on this after work. I broke down, I had no defence, i could barely speak. The release of relief was incredible. I was ready to walk out the door if that is what she wanted. She never. After a few minutes shouting (completely understandable) she gave me a hug. She consoled me, couldn't believe that (a) I had lost this money but (b) that I had kept it to myself so long.
A week later and I feel stronger. I can sleep at night and my life is more relaxed and enjoyable. I have deleted my betting accounts and we have a manageable financial plan in place.
Had I kept up the silence who knows how bad it would have got. If I can offer advice to anyone it is to speak up, talk about problems. I never expected the reaction I got from my wife for which I will be forever grateful.
Hello,
Well done for reaching out on the Forum and thank you for sharing your story with us. It sounds like you have really been able to reflect on what has happened in your life and the reasons behind your gambling. This is a brilliant thing to be able to do.
Holding that in for 2 years must have been so hard for you, the relief you explain when your Wife found out is understandable. I am glad to read that life feels much better for you now and that you are more able to look to the future. It is wonderful to see your willingness to support others here on the forum. I am sure you will be a great support for our other members, and I hope you get the support you are looking for to.
If you are looking for support to help you come to terms the fertility side of this, here are a few places you might find useful.
https://fertilitynetworkuk.org/
https://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/
Take care,
Rebecca
Forum Admin.
Welcome to the diaries and thank you for sharing your story.
It is good that you deleted your gambling accounts and there are other steps you may like to take, such as:
1/ Register with Gamstop to prevent you gambling with UK registered companies.
2/ Installing Gamban on your devices ( I believe this can be done free of charge through GamCare but you would have to ring Gamcare and find out.
3/ A chat with a GamCare advisor would also answer any queries you might have with regard to therapies that are available.
4/ Through SENSE you can self exclude from UK land based casinos.
5/ Inquire if your bank has a system in place to prevent you using your cards for gambling. (Gambling Freeze).
6/ Many people speak very highly of Gamblers Anonymous which have meetings all over the country and are probably meeting online during the lockdown.
7 / Your wife might benefit from having a chat with GamCare or reading the information and advice to better understand gambling addiction. I would imagine she was shocked by what has gone on and would maybe like to discuss her fears or ask a few questions.
I wish you every success in stopping gambling.
The future happiness of you and your family depend upon it so please put all blocks in place and follow the advice given to you by Gamcare.
Recovery from gambling addiction is notoriously difficult but the good news is that many people who have joined GamCare have been successful in stopping gambling and rebuilding their lives.
Aum
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
