My diaries

Hiya.. 9 days gambling free.. its good

speak about whatever you want to speak about.

Get the thoughts out rather than bottle them up.

Life goes on... 

Thanks s.a tbh I feel that this forum is helping a lot. Knowing that your not on your own is a comfort

This forum is definitely inspiring n good to know there’s advice out there. 

And like you my goal is to get trust back n rebuild marriage hopefully 

Day 11 gf my alarms just got me up for work, I feel as though I dont want to go and cant even be  bothered with work. I know deep down it's not going to solve anything by not going so I'm pushing myself that little extra just to get out of bed. 

I'm so depressed and heartbroken because of the relationship break up its unreal, I've got an appointment with the doctor on the 18th which feels like years away, I'm still calling up every day just to try and get one on the day. 

I just hope that my ex sees I'm going to do everything in my power to win her back I know ibe got a lot of and mean lot of effort to put in but I'm willing to do that. 

Anyway I've just quickly written this down this morning to get a little something off my brain. I'm now finding the strength to get up out of bed and drag myself to.work to earn money I dont even know what I'm going to spend on. Money doesnt mean a thing to me anymore, not like before.

Have a blessed day folks take care and stay gf.

Above edited 10 days gf, sorry guys :/

So after finishing work, it's notthe same going back to my moms which is where I live now. On the positive I've had my daughter for a few hours who brightens up my day.

I'm so emotionally distraught about the breakup. Its eating me from inside out, no food, not much sleep and to top it off my hearts breaking and head is aching. I've never loved anyone so much then my ex apart from my daughter of course.

I just wish she would say come back home, but it's never gunna happen. What does my head in the most is when people keep saying she will have to back blah blah blah I just feel like saying ahut the hell up atop trying to be so nice because this time it's really not gunna happen.

Right so my thoughts on gambling... I'm still feeling a real strong hate towards it but who knows maybe  in the future when these feelings die down I'll want to gamble again, but guess what folks I'm here for the long run and not going anywhere. I hope this urges people to stay strong and not gamble. Dont become me and lose everything that you have because of that gripping addiction.

Day 11 still got that Godawful feeling towards gambling, its ruined my life. I've been to work again today. Feel like I've got no choice the debt I'm in.

Today has been one of the worst days so far to do with the break up, theres no getting back together and its killing me inside to know that. I just want my life back !!! It feels like it's never going to be the same again. I know for a fact she loves me but ahe says she cant trust me ever again. Who can blame her ? What I think Is if the shoe was on the other foot i would never just turn her out. But is that just me being selfish, or is it because I understand gambling and how it affects the brain. 

To be honest I dont know what I'm playing at today, I was a pr**k regarding the house as its joint ownership, I dont know why I feel so much anger inside today I wish someone could give me an answer but I know it's not possible. I'm getting suicidal thoughts just thinking am I better off out. Guess what though guys I'm to much of a pu**y to even do that. 

I just want this hurt to stop the sooner the  better, I know when I check in here very day I barely talk about gambling, but I've got no one else to rant to so I use this forum then again gambling is the reason I'm in this situation who am I trying to fool. 

Guys if you have everything you need at home please dont throw it all away because one day you will lose it just like your money. Wake up guys get  help for  this terrible addiction.

Hi, I’m in the exact same boat as you mate, got to work because of the debt, the guilt and feeling disgusted in yaself, I’m right there now with u in the same feeling, I am struggling in my head an the thoughts really don’t help, I wouldn’t say u won’t do it because your a P***y mate, it’s probably another deep underlying feeling but this time for your family, I thought long and hard to take the chicken route out but I couldn’t do that to my family over something that can be dealt with, I want to be out of my s**t now and anxiety is killing me inside and in my head, but your loved ones don’t deserve to lose you through this the same as mine don’t, keep that hate towards gambling as it’s something I’m enjoying at the min, the hate towards it drives me on, but I am still struggling in my head and can’t forgive myself at all, but u are not alone 

It's good to know someone who is on the same page as me and I mean that in the most pleasant way possible I also suffer from anxiety and depression I have done for around 7 years. Do you have children and have you been kicked out of the house ?? The hardest thing is to know I've f****d up my relationship and she's never gunna have me back and as far as the house goes just wow that's another matter ad we are in a joint mortgage, I dont want any money from the house I'd just like to live in it but she wont let that happen. I wish she could just see past this and know that I'm going to get the help I need to be the better person I know I can be. I'm not even asking to be in the relationship just somewhere to live that somewhere I call my home 

Day 12, the moment I open my eyes it hits me. It hits me so hard i wish i didnt wake up !! It hits me so hard i wish i was still asleep. Why is it so painful ? Why did I punish myself and everyone who loves/loved me ? The sickly feeling in my stomach is still there and it's not going anywhere. It feels like I'm never gunna get over this break up. The 1st thing I want to do when I open my eyes is message my ex and tell her everything's going to be ok I'm not going to be the person I was before I'm going to be a new person, a better person.

All I want in life is for her and the kids to be happy, all i want is to be happy.

I'm going to be attending my very first ga meeting tomorrow, I'm scared as I'm a shy person but I know it has to be done and that I'll be fine once there, tbh I cant wait for it to be here just so I can get an insight to what it's all about.

Anyway I've got to drag myself out of bed to earn some money, money that's not going to be spent on games that mean nothing to me,games that suck me dry and games that have withdrawn me from the world at times. Games that are poisonous and games that are not worth one second of my day. 

Have a good day folks.

Hi...just been reading your thoughts... your working recovery.

Life will now stop getting worse and over time it will start to get better.

Onwards... and have a good day 🙂

I really do hope so mate, I've got my ex stressing me out about how I'm not thinking about them saying "I'm not worried she might lose the house and how much they am gunna struggle with the Bill's " the thing is I dont feel I need to worry about this because I have a regular income and am not the kind of person to leave them stranded like that, after all she is looking after our kids. Shes now saying she wants to seek legal advice regards to the house to stop me going anywhere near it but guess what I dont want the house I wanted her and the kids.

I just hope one day we can go back to how we started which Is really good freinds. :/

Dear @danpo1989,

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling and that you're in so much pain, please remember you're not alone and that we're here for you. There are other people who can help you get out of this situation too, you don’t have to face this alone.

People that are impacted negatively from problem gambling can sometimes feel this is the only option, there is so much we can help you with to make you aware of the many options available for you and your future. You are worth so much more than how you're feeling. Please stay with us.

I'm concerned that you're getting suicidal thoughts and have anxiety and depression. We would encourage you to make an urgent appointment with your GP to discuss this further and to get their support so they can help with how you're feeling and thinking. If you can't get an appointment, you can call the NHS 111 for urgent medical advice and care, they also have the ability to make out of hours appointments at a local GP if needed.

You can also access Mental health websites and telephone their helplines to talk things through with them, the below links all have information and support that you can access.

https://headsupguys.org/mens-depression/suicide/

https://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/suicide/

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/  

https://www.thecalmzone.net/

Please keep posting on the forum so you can receive support from your peers within our forum community. Have you tried our chat room yet that opens twice a day? If not, please feel free to join one of our sessions from 1pm until 2pm or from 8pm until 9pm. Many people in a similar situation to yours express that they find it therapeutic and beneficial to talk things through with others who have had the same or similar experiences to them.

It's great to hear you're attending your local GA meeting, all the best for the meeting and well done for planning to go despite you feeling scared which is to be expected, especially since you're shy. It's important to remind yourself that everyone is there for the same reason, I hope you find everything you’re hoping for within the group and your sessions. If you however decide that it's not for you, please don't be disheartened as what works for one person, isn’t always right for another. There are many other strategies that we can suggest until you find what feels right for you including a free referral to one of our treatment partners for some support sessions with them. 

I'm sorry that you're feeling stressed and that your ex-partner talks about struggling, if your partner would like support then we're here for her too. We can also provide her with details of organisations where she can get advice and guidance with any debt, financial matters or details of local food banks. This of course applies to you too.

The Citizens Advice can provide you both with help and advice https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/ or telephone 03444 111 444. They also have offices across the UK where you can visit to speak to them face to face.

I know things are really difficult for you, please be aware of how far you've already come and all the hard work you've put in to overcoming problem gambling. 

If you would like to talk further or need support, advice or guidance then please call our helpline on 0808 8020 133 or access our Netline via our GamCare website. We’re open every day of the year, day and night so there is always someone here to help you should you need it. You can also call The Samaritans https://www.samaritans.org/

Or if you would like us to call you, please email your contact details to @gamcare.org.uk">Forum.Admin@gamcare.org.uk

Kindest Regards

Joanne

Forum Admin

Thanks Joanne I need to get in touch with aquarius as I have been referred to them by you guys, at the moment the thing I'm struggling the most with is the breakup.

Gambling is the last thing I want to do but that will change I know it will that's why I'm getting help and have come to the realisation that I'll more then likely always need the help.