I am on the verge of ruining my whole life if I don't stop gambling

Hi Robert

It is very sad and painful that you are in debt, constantly gambling away food and bills money.

Do you think what you are doing is unhealthy and you want to stop hurting your self.

I have been in the recovery program now over 50 years.

The recovery helped me heal my pains, abstain from one unhealthy habit and then helped me exchange all of my unhealthy habits in to healthy habit.

For me the gambling was just one way of me escaping in my fears and my anxieties.

I even use to think that gambling was the most exciting thing in my life and that I loved it.

Now I understand I was hooked on the adrenalne rush and use to escape in my fears when I could not cope emotionally.

I thought that I was going to be the last person on this planet to give up gambling.

The emotional roller coaster was horrific and I was very unstable.

The recovery program helped me understand more about myself and how vulnerable I was emotionally.

I was not stupid dumbor bad I was just emotionally vulnerable.

My pains are being healed today.

My fears are being healed today.

Please find a room of recovery you deserve a healthier life today.

I stuck with the recovery program and am the ehalthiest person I can be today.

Thank you for sharing your sufering and your pains.

Love and peace to everyone.

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham UK

Hi Dave thanks so much for the message. I am very self aware of my triggers and why I use gamble as escapism but also I use it as a way to deliberately self destruct so I don't have to try or change etc.

What upsets me the most is that when I am not gambling or thinking about gambling, I am so happy , focussed , fun to be around, kind , warm empathetic, but as soon as I gamble I change, cold, aggressive towards others, distracted, unfocussed, miserable, self care lapses don't shave or eat properly.

Today I feel rubbish, just so down, not really over monetary loss as I have a bit of money for food, but just feel so emotionally drained ,miserable because I have finally realised what gambling has made me.

Thanks again for listening.

Yesterday at 5pm is was my last bet,, not gambled today!! Don't want to, just going to spend a few days getting my head together, writing a list of all the things I am grateful for.

So I guess after 6pm today that will be day 2.

Kind regards to you all 

Robert

Hi Robert

I found that change in my  life was very stimulating.

To be able to do some thing else and enjoy it.

For me it took to understand that my escapism was very much fear based ands caused adrenaline rush in me. 

I also gave up speeding and risk taking as it was unhealthy for me.

By risk taking indicated that I did not value myself in so many ways.

Yet how do you change the mind thinking that some thing you love doing is self destruction and painful.

Aggressive towards others was indciator that I was intolerant with myself and that pains I had were not being healed.

Walking in to the gambling establisment I was not able to think about eat properly or looking after myself.

Yet once I lost my money I understood that I was hngry yet more angry with myself.

In time I got to be more caring and kind towards myself.

Nothing healthy is achieved b us beating our self up time and time again.

In the recovery program we do the opposite we learn to respect our self, to reward our self, and even in time learn to love our self. 

I use to feel like rubbish beating myself up, that is very unhealthy and undermines our self.

We need to build up our confidence and self esteem to not undermine our self.

It is very important to take each unhealthy habit and echange them in to healthy habits. 

It is my pleasure listening to your sharing.

I was you at one time in pain and not knowing which way to turn..

In the past gambling had made me feel even more emotionally vulnerable.

It was a way of causing myself self inflicting pains.

In the recovery program we learn to heal our pains, face our fears, reduce our unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, to not internalize other people issues.

To change my unhealthy reactions to healthy ineractions.

To reduce our fears and allow trust to grow in us once more.

Clean time can not be lost.

Learn from your last emotional trigger and change your unhealthy reactions.

It is not healthy to beat your self up.

Learn from the past, do not live in it any more.

Love and peace to everyone.

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham UK

Welcome to the forum 

If i had £1 for every time i had read this story i would be living in the Bahamas 

First of all understand you are not "on the verge" 

You ARE ruining your life already , gamblers have this bizarre way of self rationalisation  where nothing is ever as bad as it seems i think it is an element which allows the addiction to take hold

Accept you are destroying your own life that will be a powerful motivating factor to stop 

Hi mate thanks for the message, I am very aware how gambling is in control of my life and how it has completely consumed me. I am completely powerless against it. It is simple as that, my work life , studying, family life personal life all dictated by gambling.

When I am not gambling I am happy.

Kind regards 

Robert 

Yesterday was feeling really low most of the day not because of recent loses because I have still have money for food, but low because of how I have really how much and badly gambling has changed me. For first time in 10 ish years I realised that the person I was is still apart of me , the fun loving , not anxious, adventurous randy lad I was before all the gambling. So for the first time in years I put on a back pack grabbed some water and got lost in nature for the afternoon and it was AMAZING, so today I woke up buzzing because of how much fun it was to be hiking again, so I put on my back pack again and went to another nature reserve today.

Very very happy today.

No urges to gamble at all today 

day 3 🙂

Very nice to hear that walking and getting back to nature has given you that buzz back and not gambling again.

I used to love walking a lot so I may have to take a leaf out of your book and go for long days out and take pictures and not use my phone for anything else. Blocking or deleting gambling sites is on my agenda before i do any of that and i will be starting tomorrow and getting back to the man I used to be 5 years ago when my son was born. 

i used to be such an energetic and loveable person before the odd bet but then it went down hill once i found a few sites and started playing on them. the buzz from winning was great but now i need a change and get back to where i was before it really takes a hold on me and i end up ruining my marriage and lose everything.

i think alot of my problems are when im sat at home on my own and i get bored so gambling was to pass the time so getting back out there or finding a hobby will help me.

Keep up with the hiking and enjoy the great outdoors and i am sure i will start to get back to where i once was when i start to get out more 

@cornishgamer

Hi mate thanks for the message, hope you manage to get those gambling blocks in place, its crazy but even though we know our gambling is so out of control but putting those blocks in place is just so difficult because we then realise the gambling is finally over and its a bit scary lol because it means that we have to fight and try a rebuild.

Hope you get on top of things with the blocks etc and hopefully when your mind is clearer you can get back out in to nature.

If you need to chat I am here 

Robert

Another good day, no urges, now feeling down.

day 4

Hi

In th recovery program I would understand more about when I was feeling vulnerable and found coping skills.

Dave L

Been back to work this week was off on annual leave last week, have really got back in to hiking again I have been 4 times now in the last 2 weeks. Love being in nature.

Have had no urges to gamble which I am very happy about, today is day 9 gamble free 🙂

Had a day off work today , put on my back pack and got lost in nature for a few hours, it was quite a odd sensation walking through forest paths on my own while listening to Jaws on audiobook 🙂

Anyway now day 11, feel absolutely fine in terms of urges to gamble, my mood is overall alot better since i started this diary 11 days ago.

day 11 gf 

Robert

Still going strong , no urges at all , but that could be due to not having much money at the moment, I think the real test is going to be payday.

But feeling good at the moment as of 6pm today will be 15 days GF 🙂

@robert1979

Good to hear that ur still going strong mate.

It's been a week for me now and with all the blocks in place it's been easier.  Not been out walking yet but things around the house and the shed have kept me occupied.

Plenty of other games which I used to enjoy I still play but I'm not on my phone as much.

I do find it difficult sometimes but I suppose thats the nature of recovery and it will get easier as time passes.