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RouletteRegret
(@rouletteregret)

SA,

Thanks for your earlier post on my diary.

As I’ve said to you before, things can turn good very quickly. For you it will happen. For whatever reason, you’ll stop, stay stopped and things will get progressively better very quickly. In your case, and I hope you don’t mind me saying this but your life would change for the better far, far quicker than the majority. I’ve read every one of your posts. I know from reading that you’ve had unbelievable struggles with basic essentials that many including me take for granted whether it be food, heating, hot water, transport etc.

The difference between you and your average geezer is that you never give up. You never quit and you never hide away. You face up to life no matter how hard it hits and no matter how brutal.

It’ll happen. When it does I’m tracking you down, taking you out to celebrate.

Keep your chin up always and march on.

RR

ReplyQuote
Posted : 18th June 2020 9:23 pm
RouletteRegret
(@rouletteregret)

Hi SA,

I hope you’re doing ok and work is manageable.

I injured my hamstring and cannot run for a while. It’s unbelievable the impact that this has had on my state of mind in the past week. Everything seems a bit rubbish from work to extended family matters. Its like missing my dose of medicine and it shows.

I only mention this to you as a fellow runner because you’ll get it.

Hopefully I’ll be able to start running again soon.

Take care.

RR

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Posted : 22nd June 2020 9:55 pm
S.A
 S.A
(@s-687)

Sorry to hear about your injured hamstring RR, hope it heals sooner than you think. I remember when I first started running I use to get terrible shin splints.. it was very frustrating. Thank fully my legs have toughened up since then. They seem to be able to tolerate whatever I put them through, which at the moment includes long walks back from work in the warm sunshine.

Am trying to spend as little money as possible. After my latest gambling splurge where I frittered away stupid amounts of money in a short amount of time, I have now gone for a few days with spending precisely "nothing"... which helps to calm me very slightly as I need what i have left for food. I have been in this cycle for 3.5 years now. A life on the edge, a life of extreme's. But it is what it is and I can't change what I have done to myself. I can only look forward with renewed optimism.

Work has improved a little, new management starting to get to grips with things, stress levels slightly reduced. Pleased with myself that i hold it together... cos part of me just wants to go to bed and stay there.

Other positives.. council coming tomorrow to finally replace hot water tank after 3 months without hot water. Also iv'e been forcing myself to be a little more social. had a nice walk and talk with my neighbour and also an old acquaintence that i texted out of the blue.

Onwards... S.A 🙂

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Posted : 23rd June 2020 6:19 pm
freda
(@freda)

Great to hear you are putting yourself out there again. Isolation is a gambler's best friend. Well, part of a posse with time on your hands and opportunity 😉 Their nights out get pretty wild..

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Posted : 24th June 2020 8:36 am
S.A
 S.A
(@s-687)

Thanks Freda.

Well no gambling since my last post. Starting to feel slightly more human once again.

Iv'e just been for my an anti-body test. I await the result. I'd be very surprised if iv'e had it. Staff have all been coming back negative and there hasn't been an outbreak at my work place

There is such a mismatch though between what you here politicians say on the television and what happens in reality. Its like it wasn't easy to get myself a test. An hour on hold when i phoned up. Then I had to prove who I was, that i lived and worked in the borough and that my job qualified for a test etc. I thought the whole point was to cut through red tape and get as many people tested as possible. Given that I work with many elderly and vulnerable people surely the authorities should be demanding that people like me get tested?? Anyway its done now...

Financially am struggling big time, living on tiny amount of money. Nothing new for me though. If I gambled now i wouldn't eat. 

Hey ho...onwards and forwards..S.a

ReplyQuote
Posted : 29th June 2020 10:44 am
SB28
 SB28
(@sb28)

Hey SA,

 

Pleased to read you're a bit on the even keel ...brick by brick my friend, you're moving to the right direction.

 

Lucky you getting the test in 😉...i didn't even think of mine lol..i kinda know i had it back in December/Jan..as i felt so awful for about 3 weeks. Probably spreaded it all over as continued to go to work...but who knows...we didn't know what's what back then so it wasn't intentional..

 

Hopefully results will come back clear and will allow peace of mind for you.

 

I wish you well...look after yourself & eat!!!! (She says whilst chomping on a fried egg and sausage 😁)..ya see - i listen to your advice!

S&B xx

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Posted : 29th June 2020 6:04 pm
S.A
 S.A
(@s-687)

Hiya S&B... glad your eating! 😉 Am eating tooo much and turning into a fat b*****d. 🙂

Well am off work again today but already feeling stressed about going back to work tomorrow... 3 back to back early shifts probably doing the double ups with new staff once again. The urge to escape my thoughts, feelings and general stressed feelings is quite strong today. Am actually slightly hung over as well, so that might be part of it.

Yesterday i went for a very long walk with my neighbour and friend. I do enjoy "walk and talk" but he does insist on buying cans of strong lager/cider for the walk.. by the end of it am bit drunk. Its not a path i want to go down really. My days of drunkenness are long gone but I know it would be very easy to switch addictions and get back to drinking. I use to binge drink in my twenties and early thirties and it done me no good... though it is cheaper than gambling. 

I will watch my feelings today and i won't be gambling.

Thanks for listening

ReplyQuote
Posted : 30th June 2020 7:47 am
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Hi SA  it's terrible isn't it as not only do we worry about relapsing with gambling we then worry about swapping addictions it's never ending. But I think it's a positive thing because we are aware of everything the blinkers that gambling put on us are going or gone. We see the pitfalls clearer and actively avoid them. Be kind to yourself today and hoping your working days go smoothly. Best wishes

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Posted : 30th June 2020 8:22 am
S.A
 S.A
(@s-687)

Thanks Charlieboy,

Well no gambling (or drinking for that matter) since my last post. My last 3 early shifts went ok and now iv'e got some annual leave, so am off work for a bit. I thought i was working tomorrow but they have taken me off. For what reason i do not know. I hope it doesn't effect my pay packet.

Anyway time to relax and then get back to some running and all being well do some other positive stuff. I can't see myself going for a socially distanced pint, its just not the same with all the new rules and regulations.

Thanks for listening. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 4th July 2020 7:15 am
Kevthekev40
(@kevthekev40)

No say

You don't want to stop one addiction and start another for one year lol. No I guess you would be aware if the signs we're there? As you've done amazing and your my champion as I know if you can do it then so can I keep up the good work 

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Posted : 4th July 2020 7:24 am
S.A
 S.A
(@s-687)

Thanks kev.... to be honest am not worried about alcohol. I use to binge drink many years ago but now am just an occasional social drinker and occasionally I get a bit P****d but I have no desire to return to the awful hangovers I had as a young man. My addiction remains with gambling. A few thoughts today, there is a screaming child in the flat underneath me, it makes me just want to go out, which i did, but with no money on me. kept myself safe. Had a jog earlier to....

Life goes on...

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Posted : 4th July 2020 5:47 pm
Kevthekev40
(@kevthekev40)

Keep up the good work s.a

We're all the same my friend but it's just that one day at a time as I know it's so easy to relapse I could've done something today myself as I've been so mad but I've got myself together jumped on the tablet and see if there was anyone out there I could help as that way I feel I've done something and not wanting to be a hypocrite telling someone else not to gamble and do it myself well that's helping at the minute anyway and I'm still going one day at a time and hopefully I'm still doing this in 10yrs time if I love that long I just know I don't want to mess up again as the kids have been through enough and I'm sleeping in the living room at moment and to be honest I'm happy with that, I don't go out I'm not a people's person so I'm fine if I'm left alone just posting on this site 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 4th July 2020 7:50 pm
RouletteRegret
(@rouletteregret)

Good Morning S.A.

Thanks for my message yesterday.

My hamstring injury healed and I’ve actually ran 9 out of the past ten days. I’ll be going out in the pouring rain very shortly for a run with my son who’s doing great with his running. I enjoy running with him. 

From your previous post I couldn’t work out if you’d been paid recently and if you’d managed to not gamble. I hope not. I hope you can start to put real serious time under your belt in terms of gambling free days. 

Sorry to hear you’ve got a noisy kid below you but good if it gets you out running and walking. Exercise for body and mind is the best medicine for us broken souls. My running has done so much for me this year.

Anyway, as I said above, I really hope you get on a quit and fight like heck to protect it. 

Take care.

RR

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 5th July 2020 9:00 am
S.A
 S.A
(@s-687)

Thanks RR... well iv'e jogged the last 3 days. I haven't realised how much weight iv'e been putting on, until facebook dredged up an old photo of me finishing a running race 6 years ago. I was thinner and fitter then. Middle aged spread catches up imperceptibly.. My best year was probably 2012, when i did 1 hour 44 for the half marathon and 4 hours "and some minutes" (unfortunately) for the marathon. Its all been down hill since then. Unsurprisingly when i was in to my running I wasn't gambling! Hint to self... go run, don't gamble.

Talking of gambling. I last gambled Friday 19th June.... and yes it was shortly after pay day and yes another pay day is just around the corner. Whilst i have many blocks I always manage to get around them if I really want to gamble. Am gonna ask if I can get paid weekly, cos i just haven't been able to cope with monthly pay for a long time now. Getting paid, paying bills, gambling the rest and living off fresh air for 4 weeks is no life at all... but that has been my life for 3 years plus now. Am astonishingly resilient if nothing else.

Life goes on...

Thanks for listening

 

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Posted : 6th July 2020 9:03 pm
SB28
 SB28
(@sb28)

Hi SA,

 

Thanks for dropping by! I shall take the challenge up and eat those toasts 😉..not offering the drink as its no good for you so lets just stick to toast eating contest 🙂 

 

I found the pics marvellous yesterday! The one of you crossing the finish line is amazing one and you truly look so happy and shining with joy/pride!

 

The other is cute also...but you must take time out for yourself. To rest up and do what you like to do to bring that shining light back into your soul 🙂

 

And one of the ways to do so- is not gambling...you can do it and you will do it! Believe in yourself - ypu are so so worth it 🤗

 

S&B xx

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Posted : 7th July 2020 11:58 am
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