Here again!!!!!

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(@Anonymous)
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Well to start this diary i need to admit that i have had a 3 month blip on my gambling, only small but bad enough. Things at home have got a lot better, my IVA went through which i think did put a lot of strain on my emotions. I just still find it hard when i am at work to not think about gambling. I was doing so well just before xmas, then thought will just have £10, but then the £10 have become more frequent and its got to stop!!!!!! I have being having counselling sessions but they have stopped as they can only fund so many. I have opened a new joint bank account with my husband which is good but i still have my old one and he still lets me take charge of the money, i keep asking him to do it but he doesnt seem to want to, it is so hard still having control of the bank account with money in and not spending it. I dont think i will ever get over this, i can feel myself going down that dark path again and i dont want to go there again. I find it hard to talk to my husband and i darent tell him about my blip he would just go crazy he is going through so much with the iva for me, we dont have a life and to lose what bit we have to spare on gambling is so stupid!!!!!

Anyway i am going to get back to my diary everyday, forgot what i have done over the last 3 months and look forward again.

Why am i so stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
Posted : 14th May 2013 2:11 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Hey silassad.

First of all you're not stupid! You're aware of the problem and you're taking action to stop. That isn't stupid at all and you have to realise that. I've been a crazy gambler for years and am realising now that negative thinking and putting yourself down really doesn't help when trying to quit. You have to be positive and believe in yourself! When you slip, pick yourself up and learn from it! I know you can get yourself back on track and I'm sure you do too. One day at a time Mrs... Them days'll soon start adding up!

Take care and remember... Believe in yourself!

Stubbsy πŸ™‚

 
Posted : 14th May 2013 2:29 pm
(@Anonymous)
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Topic starter
 

Thanks Stubbsy

Its just so frustrating i went nearly 5 months without gambling and then its back again to square one. I have just wrote to the bank where i have my own bank account to close it, so this will only leave the joint account so this should help. Blocked stuff on my phone as this has been the new thing for me, i blocked all accounts that i used to play on my PC, which is bad as this was at work. So going forward as of today not backwards again. It does give me hope if i did it before i can do it again. Thanks again πŸ™‚

 
Posted : 14th May 2013 2:40 pm
(@Anonymous)
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I know what you mean... I had gone nearly 4 months gamble free then messed right up just recently. I think I know where I went wrong though so now picking myself up and going to do it again, only better! You live and learn Silassad!

Keep your chin up and keep posting on here. It does really help πŸ™‚

 
Posted : 14th May 2013 2:56 pm
stu38
(@stu38)
Posts: 259
 

Hey I agree with Stubbsy Silassad, you are NOT stupid you are struggling with this addiction like all of us. You know you don't want to go down the dark path- hold on to that thought. You can do it. Everyone on this site is here to support and not judge. Well done for doing the IVA- that's really positive isn't it.

Stu

 
Posted : 14th May 2013 5:11 pm
(@Anonymous)
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Well morning everyone, how are you all. Not been on for a few days, not been having a good few days, head been spinning around alot. Not gambled so thats good but had lots of thoughts about gambling, wish they would all go away but i need not be impatient, in time maybe. Started to open up to one of my friends a bit more, found it hard to tell them before, shame disgust etc getting in the way but he has an alcholol problem and stupid as it sounds found it easier to open up to him by trying to give him advice. I am just not sure how much to say as i dont want to ruin his chances of getting back on track with the alcholol, hes been clean for a week and i probably wont see him until next weekend so will assess then. Are there forums out there like this for alcholics, i want to try to give him positive encouragement. Anyway enough rambling. Hope everyones day is going ok, dog agility teaching tonight so keeping busy and have a few competitions coming up with number 1 & 2 dog's so do have something positive to look forward to πŸ™‚

 
Posted : 29th May 2013 12:59 pm
(@Anonymous)
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Morning everyone, i really hate thursday's, got up this morning feeling so down, cant concentrate etc. I still havent gambled which i am so pleased about, spent a lot of time yesterday reading other peoples diaries etc keeping my mind focused. Not sure how to get through today at work, not that busy so thats when my mind wanders may have to resort to loud music i think!!! Thursday was one of my main gambling days, mainly in the evenings as most other nights had had something to do, i shouldnt think about this too much and find something to do i know but its so hard, cant train my dogs as its always raining, god i am being negative today!!!!!!! Snap out of it, need to get my head clear. Hope everyone is ok and i will keep reading today to stay focused. Today i WONT Gamble

 
Posted : 30th May 2013 10:25 am
(@Anonymous)
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Well i managed to get through my working day ok, i know is only 2.30 but i start at 7am. Read a few more diaries today they are such an inspiration that i know i can carry on bet free, one day at a time. Take care all πŸ™‚

 
Posted : 30th May 2013 3:11 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Hi, I'm into day 2 of my non gambling life had a massive urge to gamble but resisted. I too tread other people's diaries as inspiration I'm sick to death of wasting my life on gambling. Hope it all goes well for you and stay strong

 
Posted : 30th May 2013 8:38 pm
(@Anonymous)
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Thank you Balfour for your kind words and well done on day 2, and resisting the tempatation, i have just had an email from one site, free money in my account, hoping to get me to deposit, luckily i wont be as have joint bank account with hubby so stops me, but they are always trying to tempt you. I dont have a pc at home, its when i come into work bombarded with emails. i must spend some time getting them blocked at the moment just delete them.

Went ok yesterday, kept busy in the evening to try to block the thursday blues, most people have monday blues i have thursday blues. I was having cbt but they only allowed me so many sessions, think i might investigate today about getting more, hubby says i should go and demand more, you arent cured in 10 sessions, hes right but i am not a pushy person, trying to pick up the courage to go to a GA meeting, the one closest to me is on tuesday evening when i do my dog agility, dont want to stop this as if anything this is the thing keeping me sane, but there is one a bit further away on thursday, think i must try to be brave, just a bit scared of the unknown really and i am not good at talking to people face to face, lost alot of confidence over the years. Anyway get through today is the main thing, read a few diaries and look forward to a gamble free weekend. Take care all πŸ™‚

 
Posted : 31st May 2013 11:23 am
captain46
(@captain46)
Posts: 1226
 

Best wishes for your recovery - I am also thinking about CBT, how did you find it?

Take all the advice you can on here and do what is best for you. GA works well for many but it didnt for me, found it a very pressurised environment with everyone looking down on me and belittling me.

Block all possible routes if you really wanto to completely stop and resist temptation.

 
Posted : 31st May 2013 11:32 am
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
Topic starter
 

Thanks Captain, i found it good, not sure if it changed my negative mind set much, which is one of my big problems but it did give me a chance to talk to someone without judgement, which is a step in the right direction. I thought the whole point of GA meetings were to be honest there and not have to hide the truth, which is what we have all done for so long, mine about 7 years and £50,000 debt down the line. I will maybe give it a go and if its not for me then try other avenues. This is one road i am definitely staying on. Good luck to you, i read some of your diary yesterday very interesting, what ever is right for the individual i agree, take care and stay strong πŸ™‚

 
Posted : 31st May 2013 12:00 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

guys, have done CBT myself, if I am being honest it doesn't work without a real willing will it, i have tried twice and gambled again on both occasions, I am now 7 days gamble free and it is mainly a result of handing my wife complete financial control. I think CBT will only work when other measures are in place, dont get me wrong it is helpful and each of us will be different and some things work and some don't, i see the battles we all face and believe only zero tolerance being the way, but that's just me.....good luck though and enjoy the weekend, hopefully it will be a sunny one!!

Phil

 
Posted : 31st May 2013 5:04 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
Topic starter
 

I agree Phil, it did help a little but we do have to do it on our own with the help and support of family etc, my husband has been great but he won't take control of finances he says he's not good at it but slowly he is trying enough to keep me on the straight and narrow.

 
Posted : 31st May 2013 5:31 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
Topic starter
 

Morning Guys, hope everyone had a nice weekend, didnt do too much, didnt gamble that was the main thing, had a few moments of thinking about it but hey they wont ever go away i dont think. Number 2 dog injured herself at the weekend, got an agility competition in two weeks so she had better recover by then !!!! Sat at work as normal bored to tears, think its one area i need to change, spend lots of time on my own and i hate it but with the IVA not that easy to change jobs but on the positive side at least i have a job. Going to read a few more diaries today to keep busy and try not to let my mind wander too much. Take care all πŸ™‚

 
Posted : 3rd June 2013 10:30 am
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