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freda
(@freda)

Cheers, Dave

Aye, it's just a challenging environment at the minute. For most people, I'm sure.

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Topic starter Posted : 22nd June 2022 9:20 pm
gadaveuk
(@gadaveuk)

Hi

No matter when your last bet was please keep going to meetings.

From each time I went back to gambling I got to understand each of my emotional triggers.

Even today, just for today only I will not gamble.

When I did  go back to gambling many times over I simply made things much worse and more painful.

Please stay  committed to your recovery.

Love and peace to everyone

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK

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Posted : 23rd June 2022 3:42 am
freda
(@freda)

1) yesterday I got really angry. Frustration overload. I allowed it, without taking it out on anyone.

2) I took self-care action! I did some ironing until the anger subsided a bit, went to my GA meeting, even though I didn't feel like it. Went to the gym and had a good workout.

3) A seagull attacked me, yesterday - of course it did! - and it actually made me laugh. It was one of those days.

4) My energy has been a little better. I've kept the house a bit cleaner, although this is still not something I'm on top of.

5) I got a hug off a recovery buddy. A woman. Not tugging on men's energy in a manipulative way.

6) I did my shaking therapy today. Feel a lot better for it.

7) My eating has been less disordered, recently.

8) Today is a GA milestone. 30 days.

9) I actually got a gp appointment today. Fairly effortlessly. It was bizarre.

10) I made the effort to eat vegetables today, even though I couldn't be bothered.

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Topic starter Posted : 23rd June 2022 2:47 pm
freda
(@freda)

I have done loads today!

1) Woke feeling stressed about looming and stupid changes at work - I'm expecting the next thing is to stick a broom up our behind, so we can do one more thing, while we do the work that 2 people used to do - but used the nervous energy to walk into town, get an iced coffee and donut for brekkie, then get some cat litter, for my poor little monkey. Been out of stock for a while and she needs a clean toilet!

2) A man noticed me and smiled, then seemed even more keen when he saw me swing a couple of heavy sacks of litter into my hands and carry it with ease. It made me smile. I saw on his face, the temptation to offer help, then kind of impressed and attracted to my physical strength, realising I needed no help at all. Wish I hadn't been stressed, I would have struck up a conversation and given him my number 😉

3) I rode the bus back up the hill, with the heavy litter and felt good about my physical fitness. I felt grateful. Strong and resilient. Balancing with no hands, while the bus stopped. Carrying the heavy bags with ease.

4) I mowed the lawn and did lots of faffy garden jobs - strimming, pulling up flowers that grow everywhere, if you don't pull them.

5) I cleaned my fridge. It was minging! I feel happier when I look inside it, now.

6) Put weedkiller down, to kill those pesky nettles.

7) Hung washing out, did the washing up.

8) I read some of my book, in the sunshine. 

9) Washed the bin out, it was getting stinky.

10) Rewarded myself for doing all of these crummy jobs, by getting iced coffee and cake delivered - from an independent, local business, that pays their tax!

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Topic starter Posted : 24th June 2022 5:36 pm
gadaveuk
(@gadaveuk)

Hi

Thank you for sharing on here.

In surrending to the fact I can not change the world I found that worrying about things I can not change was a waste of time.

In accepting that when I face my fears and ask waht is the worst that can happen and I am willing to accept the worst my fears reduce.

Nothing you can say or do willl change the out come.

Make life so much easier.

You will expect you to work harder, the sign of time to come.. 

A man noticed me and smiled, that ws nice of him.

In time I was abale to ask for help that was healthy of me.

If you hadn’t been so stressed, you would ahve been free fo your fears.

You felt grateful that is very healthy of you.

I mowed our lawn because of rain in Calgary we ahve some really nice grass here.

I broke up a defective running machine in the basement and cut soem of the metal up.

I needed to pick up the metal fillings which was a apin in the a*s.

You put weedkiller down, to kill those pesky nettles that was productive saving you more time later on.

One thing we do not have in Calgary is stinging nettles I really miss those things. LOL.

Rewarded your self with your wants is very healthy.

I am suffering with panful right knee but want to get some concrete forming done today.

So I can get poring over the next few dry days.

Being self sufficient is all part of being a healthy person.

Plus it keeps me active and productive in healthy ways.

Love and peace to everyone

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK

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Posted : 25th June 2022 10:05 am
lids19635
(@lids19635)

I`m really enjoying reading your diary Freda, its helping me notice little things in my own life that ive never really taken much note of.

You are so strong and have so much order and structure to your life, and you should be so proud of 30 days gf.

The bit about the seagull made me laugh out loud.

One thing i got from your last post was the stress at work, i also was a slave to this but made a conscious decision to do my best at work but that is it, if a job doesn't get completed its because i am out of time, i refuse to take work home or worry about work in my own time anymore, in short i get paid to do 37 hours and no more, i now refuse to give my job anymore than 37 hours be that mentally or physically, that doesn't mean that i dont give 100% , but purely that ive set out my boundaries and so far they have been respected.

 

Your strength is inspiring, and your straightforward outlook is impressive, keep doing what you do as its working!! 

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Posted : 25th June 2022 10:29 am
freda
(@freda)

Thanks so much, lids, that means a lot.

 

One of the things I struggle with, is feeling like I'm the only one. In my workplace, I feel so vulnerable because I feel like I'm the only one. Everyone else just gets on with it but admits it's stressful. I feel like I'm the only one who speaks up. 

 

It's worsening my self-confidence, which wasn't great to begin with.

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Topic starter Posted : 1st July 2022 1:17 pm
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