First 5 days

Hi chris1979. Your post is very poignant as it reminds us that ultimately we destroy not only ourselves but the people we love the most. Loss of money is not even close to emotional loses. I hope that you can find some future happiness but any future is brighter and happier without gambling. Best wishes in your continued journey

Hi charlieboy Definitely I am happier with out gambling I don’t dread checking my bank don’t stress about lost money gambling is not a magic way of making money the only thing gambling does is bring you down and you loose everything it’s all my own fault and I accept that so now I am improving myself doesn’t always mean I am happy just means I will never loose what I had because of gambling and lying about gambling Just moving myself  forward 

I want to also add that the emotional loss is really the worst part for me loosing money is one thing you can earn more money and put it to a good use not Wasting it on gambling the emotional loss will always be with me I lost the best and most amazing girlfriend who took on everything until she couldn’t take any more and that hurts I lost an awesome step son who I should of given everything to we had a home together and that was enough just I let gambling ruin that. I am happy I don’t gamble and put that energy in to playing tennis and getting myself healthier but I am unhappy as don’t have the two people that really deserved to have me this way not the moody miserable selfish man I was and that does make me unhappy i would love the chance to prove that to both of them and to everyone that I have changed and I am not the creature of  habit that is thought of me and I can be the true me not the gambling liar I became thats gone now the true me has come out the guy I was before I ever gambled 

So today I wanted to see how far I had come with no gambling so I went into a betting shop   And had no urge or feelings to wanting to play on the machine in any way in fact it was the opposite feeling of what those machines cost me and I lost through gambling and the lying about gambling so today was another mile stone to me Especially of 10 months free I am actually very proud of myself 

@chris1979

I cannot think of any reason to test yourself. It is asking for trouble. Maybe not today but it gets the addict thinking if I could go into a betting shop and have control to not get the urge today, perhaps I could do it tomorrow, or maybe I'll be okay with just one bet and that's okay as well, and all of a sudden you're back at it. 

You should try to remember how bad it got for you to want to stop because that's what it will do to you and probably worse if you let your guard down.

Most relapses start a few days or weeks before the actual placing of a bet so please forget about being in control and get back to basics. 

Chris.

Hi chris I went in and felt nothing but contempt’s all the time money and hurt that betting and gambling caused  I now have no reason to go in again there is nothing in a betting shop for me now or online gambling I lost everything to gambling so will never gamble again I got told that I was a creature of habit well I am not I haven’t gambled  I have started to take care of myself lost weight started eating healthier and have a fresh out look on life I may have lost the two most important people in my life but now I am just looking after myself there is still a massive whole in my life where my ex and her son should be but I can’t fix that 5 months on and there is till a void I won’t let that be a negative all I can do is make sure I am the best me and be grateful for her and her calling me on the gambling She will always be the one 

It’s now August And feel different better I don’t gamble my money stays in my account I truly believe I lost the love of my life but I am now moving on and rebuilding my self I still talk to a counsellor as it helps I have social anxiety which really is Strange to me as I work in retail and meet new people every day and do my job well yet tell me I am Going to someone’s house for dinner then I stress over it Or as something doesn’t go how I planned then the world ends gambling was great to hide that and hide behind now I face it and move forwards I have moments when I want to hide and just give up and I force myself forwards I have the support from great friends and family who have seen me at my lowest and are still there no matter what as they can see how far I have come and how I have changed for the better and all for one thing stopping gambling and using it as a crutch it’s simple To want to stop  but bloody hard scary and can almost destroy you but the result after is a better you and it’s never to little or to late to change yourself and help yourself No matter what anyone thinks or tells you as others will see the changes and see how far you have come and help you encourage you and stand beside you and that’s when you know that you have won another battle against gambling as it’s a constant battle to not gamble as the thought is there you just have to win that little victory every day by not gambling 

First time in a long time I have felt very down normally feeling like this I would gamble and loose a lot get moody miserable and everyone around me would suffer and the reason I am down all the memories of me and my ex celebrating anniversaries came up on Facebook all the amazing things we did together the time we spent together she really was amazing and she is the one. Today I am heartbroken and down but not beaten not going  to give in today and gamble instead today is going to be about positivity I lost her and I f I got the chance would show her I have changed I am a better me and that we have a chance but that’s wishful thinking I am still going to be positive and just keep going forwards as today is another win and not giving in to gambling 

Hi Chris 1979, 

I am sorry to hear you are feeling down today. It sounds like seeing the Facebook memories has brought a lot of emotions up for you. I am glad you are able to use the Forum as an outlet for this.

Your determination to not give in to gambling today is evident. Well done. It might also be good for you to give our advisers a call. They would be able to support you through this tough time and advise you on tools to get through it. You are not alone in this Chris, our advisers are available 24 hours a day. 

You can contact them on the HelpLine on 0808 8020 133 or through our Livechat. 

For now, take care and keep posting. 

Rebecca, 

Forum Admin.

Hi Rebecca 

I have a counsellor that I am paying for myself thanks as it was a great help for me during lockdown and also helped me come a long way be it online and FaceTime but was a great help and still is today was a kick and did hurt but I am still going forwards obviously with out the ex girlfriend who I still have a lot of feelings for but obviously that is one sided so today was a kick but I am not going to gamble ever again I lost far to much and loosing her was the biggest kick of all but I am still going and still holding my head up and doing it with out gambling holding me back 

So after feeling down on Thursday I still feel that way it was hard seeing those memories and everything I lost to gambling but I am still thinking positive I do miss my ex her son our dog but that’s my fault if I had dealt with the gambling the first  time I asked for help then I wouldn’t be in this situation It’s no one else’s fault but mine but now I am in a better place and better abled to deal with the anxiety I have and feeling down I am not hiding away or moaning or whinging like I used to I am looking for positives and seeing a few and seizing and in the last couple of days there have been positives and they came as a bit of a surprise ,having a gambling problem doesn’t define me it’s something that I will always have but the difference is I know that and won’t let it drag me back to how I was as I am in a much better place mentally now and physically Which for me means another win over gambling and another day forward 

So today is another day of memories on Facebook great memories and I must admit there are a lot of feelings There for my ex  they are positive I look at myself now and I am healthier fitter and happier would rather that had happened when she was around as would have meant we were together but it didn’t I still get emotional when I see the memories as they remind me of what I lost so that spurs me on to be the best I can be and move myself forward 

Another day another win against gambling woke up with a smile and a question from a mate on the phone how does it feel being 10 months of no gambling and having counselling and all I could reply was awesome there has been many trials many down days but more positives more benefits and definitely a better me I have started to read more and quite a few mindfulness books and definitely more about anxiety and causes as it’s all little bits that help me through I do have an advantage I work in a bookshop/art shop we’re these books are available but it has opened my eyes to just how destructive my anxiety was in the past so gambling doesn’t just take your money it controls your moods your well-being now it’s gone I feel me again happy cheerful and embracing new things , I feel I owe my friends And family  a lot for putting up with me at my lowest but they are now seeing the new me and better me 

Last night I was reading A book about anxiety and mindfulness and one of the many subjects I talked about in counselling was feeling guilty and in the book and in the counselling a lot is talked about letting guilt go as it’s the past you can’t change it so don’t hold on to the guilt and that’s exactly what I did hold on the guilt about the gambling for a long time what did I have to be guilty for lying to my ex girlfriend. My family friends about gambling the money I lost through gambling the hurt and pain I caused and the way I was .

the guilt and anxiety and depression mixed and didn’t help the counselling I had helped me release the guilt as it’s not needed it’s the past I have to let it go to move forwards and amazing doing that has helped with my anxiety and I guess what I am trying to say is I am truly sorry how I was and the new me is a better person it may seem  strange me putting an apology on here but it’s to show that no matter who reads this let go of the guilt and work on yourself apologise to who you need to and show them the new you with out gambling there is a lot of help out there books this forum counselling on line on the phone use it it does make a difference 

Today is a good day life has a way of showing you that you can do things I had a slight case of anxiety hit me today out of no where self doubt nervousness and that’s when I would gamble Or shut myself off  but not today I carried on moved myself forward and just smiled and went through it and the anxiety eased off and I carried on not being beaten by myself t another victory for me and a massive boost for the new me