Gambling log Day 1. Never again will I let my wife down, she is amazing, she simply sees the good In everyone and everything. The hurt I seen on her face the day I told her about my gambling will never leave my memory yet it didn’t prevent me from relapsing when I wanted to place a bet. Well today is that day. I want to make her proud and get a hold of this terrible thing and make her proud.
I come from a broken home originally as a child, where this sort of love was never steadily available - when standing back it’s so so clear how important it is to have someone like my wife and if I continue along this road it will only lead to one place. Destruction.
This morning I signed up to Gambling help websites and put up barriers in place to desist the urge. I am no longer doing this task for myself, my selfishness and impulsiveness has got me into this mess and I will complete this horrible task for the love of my life. My beautiful wife. I have a lovley little daughter and have recently discovered I’m to be a father again in March. Right now, your probably reading this thinking, what are you doing if your wife is so lovley why are gambling? Perfect home? Etc?
well no. Whilst I do have great support around me I can be very impulsive and come from a family which displays addictive nature’s. I am so so angry and disappointed that I’ve got to this point. If I were to manage my money accordingly I would be able to treat all of my girls like they should be treated like royalty. Someone who went through what I did as a child should know exactly what addictions do.
My biggest problem came from being involved in a group chat with “gambling tips and info” placed on a high basis. You fall into a trap of if I win this one I’ll be out of this mess but you won’t. You won’t ever win. You will lose. Believe me. I am attempting to stop this as I won’t gamble on my family anymore. I have to get my finances in order.
I will beat this monster and be a man that my family and be proud of. My wife is my inspiration and motivation. I will make her proud. She deserves the sun the moon and the stars and then some.. not a man who would waste a ridiculous amount of money that could be spent making memories.
Hi Mate
Your wife needs to be in charge of your finances and you're given a daily/weekly allowance for lunches at work, petrol for car etc. Put this in place for yourself to curb your impulse control. It's a positive step to help. You'll get great advice on other things to help from here.
All the best going forward mate ?
Well done for talking about it and the exclusion and congrats on being a dad again in March! I’m only 18 and never thought I’d be on this website but here I am, you just gotta stop man. I know it’s hard trust me but you’ve really gotta put things into perspective.
Morning of Day 2. I’ve woken up with a dogged determination that I'm not gambling again. The only thing I want to do is get out of debt, I need to let the penny drop with myself that i have a lot more to lose than just money and along side this is the fact that I must be prepared to play the long game.
I found a feature on my phone today which makes movies from photos.. don’t ask me how I stumbled across this, but it looking through photos of the past 18 months it’s easy to see just how much you take your family for granted! Honestly, when you gamble online it Dosen't feel Like real money, but believe me it is. Never again will I put some of my hard earned money into an online account. It will take 6 months for me to get back on my feet. Financially - esp with Christmas around the corner - but it will be a reward worth it.
I am an incredibly lucky man and you don’t see it when your gambling. I urge others who are at rock bottom to take a step back and really concentrate on what it is they need to do. My focus is to get out of debt and be a better man. Gambling will not do that. Get out of the groups get off the social media pages and do your best.
Day 2 continuation : life can be pretty strange can’t it, I haven’t thought about putting a bet on all day , in fact quite the opposite, I’ve been very upbeat, very positive, working out how I am going to be financially soon, setting up goals and spending quality time with my daughter.
So I put her down for an afternoon nap and a quick scroll on social media, then bang a young fella who had a serious tendency to pick out big price bets and win pops up on my feed. I thought I had them all blocked... anyway this tip was 10/1 sure thing.
The thing is though I declined to get involved. Of course life being the way it is the tip came through and it was a winner - super! Right? Well, yes for the guy that put it on. For me? Absolutely could not care.
dont get me wrong, financially this would have been a huge help! Trust me. However, this isn’t about financial gain anymore, this is about a promise to the beloved mrs makk. To my family. When I first met my wife I refused to make her any promises I couldn’t keep, telling her so, but I deserve to be in the muddle I’m in because of the impulsive and selfish choices I made, maybe the upheaval of getting out will be a constant reminder of how silly I had been. How much I had taken everything for granted, especially her.
I look forward to seeing this page of the journal again to in days to come, right now all I can think of is getting out of the stupid situation I got myself into... In a few months time any extra finance I have will go directly into a house account and spent on making memories with my family. Gambling is such a waste and I won’t be drawn back in. In hindsight getting a few quid would help however what if it loses? Bigger hole? Promise broken? More hurt? No sorry not today!
Thanks for your post. I have activated Gamstop today. Online has killed me so easy to bet and the amount I have lost is terrible.
Going to be hard as all I have thought about is my next bet every day for tbe last few years very sad but true
Glad I have put the block on as cannot keep loosing all my wages each month
Good afternoon makk,
I read your diary and yes you are an incredibly lucky man. You have a house child and partner. Congratulations on being a dad again.
I am keeping this short as I'm looking at loads of diaries.
My best advice. Hand control of your finances to your partner. This was the best thing I ever did. Only now after 6 years am I getting a couple of hundred to manage and you know what? Toad still doesn't trust toad with money. I'm always tempted to gamble.
Please do it as you have too much at stake to lose.
Best regards,
?
Day 4 :- I can see the goal. I control how I think, I control how I react and I won’t be drawn back in. The easily accessible online accounts should really be looked at. I also believe banking society’s should be doing more, In terms of self exclusions for time periods rather than just a 48hour wait... however - the sun is out, spending quality time with the family whilst in isolation, I have absolutely no desire to stick a bet on anything. I have my focus fixed on getting out of the financial hole I’ve dug myself and spending all the extra revenue on memories - all is not lost - today is a good day - dust yourself down and get going.
have a good day folks
Day 5 - complete ✅
The gambling “hangover” Dosent want to seem To leave me... I’ve woken up every morning since I began this process thinking how stupid I’ve been and how selfish it was to waste ‘x’ amount of money.. and truth be told It’s horrible - it takes a while to get control of your thoughts to say it’s done.. you need to put it behind you and move on... but it’s very difficult - however I need to take responsibility and use it for the lesson to Resonate with me.
I have absolutley no desire to gamble whatsoever, nor any intention of giving up. Again, I will will work of my debts with overtime, and appreciate what I have around me.
I will do this for Love of my wife and daughter. They will always come first no matter what. Here’s to the next 5,10,15 days.
come on!
Hi Makk it does get easier with time, I think it's wise to keep the feeling at the back of your mind as a reminder not to be complacent. But don't dwell on it as it undermines your recovery just keep the thoughts and feelings at a healthy distance
Hi Makk it does get easier with time, I think it's wise to keep the feeling at the back of your mind as a reminder not to be complacent. But don't dwell on it as it undermines your recovery just keep the thoughts and feelings at a healthy distance
Thanks pal, however it is difficult not to dwell on it, but as you say a stiff learning curve and stark reminder of how silly impulsiveness can be. I’m glad to say that I’m out of self isolation now and back to work. I am also lucky enough to have a gym nearby which is currently open and I can release any pent up frustrations in there, with that day 6 complete
So here we are, morning of day 9 and my feeling in a good place at the moment. Like anything else the temptation is always there and as a massive football fan and so many games on it’s quite easy to go one way or another and fall in to bad habits, however, I have no intention of it.
I’m back to work again after a bout of self isolation and I’m also training regularly again which is also a very big positive for me. I’m keeping relatively busy and have many things to be thankful for. When you gamble and begin chasing it can take you to a very dark place, especially the aspect of escapism to which I never really dealt with as being a typical fella you just sort of bottle these things up and put on a brave face.
So actually when it does comes to dealing with something you immerse yourself in the world of gambling and before you know it your in trouble. But I’m pleased to say atm I’m in a much better place. I will feel 10x better when I’m out of debt but this is a product of my misdemeanours and will serve as a stark reminder of who I don’t want to be.
finally, enjoy your family and embrace whatever your day brings... always remember you can make more money but can’t make more time.
day 9 completion incoming ✅
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