Enivitably, back again.

My song for the day: "Nobody's fault but mine" - Led Zeppelin.

A very apt title with regard to gambling.

Many of us became C.G's without intent or knowledge and probably felt like victims being drawn into it. But we now know of the triggers and pitfalls. Therefore if we continue to gamble and destroy our lives - we've only got ourselves to blame. Of course, there's this stubborn thing called 'addiction' in our way, which we must firstly overcome.

My mindset has changed recently. I now feel that I am taking responsibility for my actions and no longer resting on my laurels. I am taking the batten of life and running with it!
'Time and tide waits for no man' (or woman). I have urgency flowing through my veins - maybe it's because I feel that I've wasted so many years of my life under a cloud of gambling, or because I've witnessed death, heartbreak and pain. I'm now living my life with a pro-active mentality as if it's my final year! No regrets. The past is the past. It's done. If I should fail - it will not be for the want of trying. Hopefully I can also help others along the way, to make a real difference in their lives.

Along the journey I may find true happiness and contentment; and in that case...
...it will be nobody's fault but mine.

Hi changemylife,

Thanks for a great post.

My mum used to say "live everyday as if it's your last because one day it will be".

I lost two good people close to me in October and December, it really does make you focus, it changes you. Dont moan and groan about stuff that doesnt affect you, know that there are finishing lines and think about crossing them, the last ever DD that comes out of my bank I will celebrate knowing that gambling debts are gone, no looking back, I did it, I cant change that. But I never want to be that man again dropping my computer tabs as I was embarassed my daughter would see me gamble, her face knowing I was hiding something as who looks at thier desktop screen, that part of me who I am today looks at that man and shakes his head at the gambling man I was, an addicted mess looking for the gold at the end of the rainbow that wasnt there. And you was the one telling me showing me paths I should follow and your advice was right and for that will always be so grateful to you for that.

Thanks so much Smashed. I love your post full of honestly and heart. I get the feeling that you may have had a beer or two when posting this, correct me if I'm wrong. I got suitable relaxed with alcohol this evening and there's nothing wrong with that. But I feel your pain and your memories. Your daughter is precious to you and that moment with the broken laptop will serve to remind you to keep on track.

You are reducing your debt day by day and you can be proud of that. Looking forward to a vibrant and exhilarating future.
All the best mate.

Just checking in. Still gamble free. Staying in control. Resisting all urges to gamble, even though financially I'm just holding it together. It would be so easy to have a cheeky bet, hoping for the chance of making a profit. But I really don't want to go down that path again, especially when there's still an opportunity to be successful in other ways. And right now my project is at a very exciting stage. So I must continue with optimism, belief and a strong will.

Hello Changemylife. I hope this post finds you in good health, contented and at peace with yourself and the world around you. Pleased to read that your project is progressing well and hope all is satisfactory on the work front.

I'm guessing your about 5 months away from your last bet. That is excellent and I send you my congratulations and respect for all your hard work. I think I can say, without fear of contradiction, that gambling is a mug's game and people like us should avoid it like the plague. I personally am now over 2 months gamble free and have full confidence in my ability to stay that way.

Thankyou for the music recommendation, I enjoyed listening to Thad Jones & Mel Lewis (All My Yesterdays).

A very good album I am presently listening to on Spotify is "Don't Explain" by Beth Hart & Joe Bonamassa. Great music.

I wish you well my friend.

Please take good care of yourself because you are worth it - (That's a catchy little phrase! I wonder if it's been used before?) .... stephen

Thanks for your post Stephen. Glad you are back, and really pleased that you are no longer having a gamble. You sound happy and upbeat. Living life to the musical vibes! I have not gambled and remain optimistic about life in general - it's the only way to be!

Currently waiting on others to drive my project forward to a successful conclusion. So I must remember that patience is a virtue. Take care my friend and let's keep in control.

Just a quick update. Hope you are all well and staying positive and free of the dreaded gambling addiction. I think of gambling only from time to time, and only really as a thing that I have defeated. That's my mentality now when I see temptation, advertisement or examples. It's a bit like refraining from eating junk food or wasting money on stuff I don't need. Obviously the temptations will always be there, but the more we say NO! The stronger our resolve becomes.

I'm beginning to enjoy life again and really appreciating the good things. Life is never going to be perfect but the key to happiness and survival is learning to cope with the highs and lows.

Many thanks for posting on my diary Martin. I appreciate your support.

It is good to see you are in a positive frame of mind. You have a good attitude in overcoming the urges to gamble and also have a lot of understanding about addiction and life in general.

I wish you every happiness as you continue on your journey.

Been a while since I checked in, how have you been, how is it all going, how is the venture going, you will get there, I'm 4 months into the new job it's hard but rewarding at the same time, but will still strive for the place where I work for myself and feel 100, but its a good inbetween and learning a lot. Coping with the highs and lows and staying positive is what i'm focusing on like you say, not always easy, but the light at the end of debt tunnel becomes brighter, see you in Tenerife.

I still think about gambling from time to time. But I will NOT open the gate to let it in!

Gambling will NOT define my life.

Gambling will NOT destroy my life.

Besides, my project is now reaching a crucial point with everything coming together, hopefully resulting in a fruitful, worthwhile outcome.

Stay gamble-free folks and keep reaching out, and fighting for a better future.

Why am I back here again?

Have I achieved unprecedented success, and feel compelled to enlighten everyone?  ...NO

Have I become so lonely that I simply must reach out to others for interaction?  ...NO

Is it because I've never really kicked gambling out of my life and find that it continues to eat my soul and poison my heart?  ...YES

So sadly I still have a fight on my hands. I have been kidding myself that my gambling activity has been trivial or irrelevant. Partly due to my debts being out of control as I feel like I'm going through a 'ground dog day' scenario.

For any of you that have followed my diary I would like to update my project of enterprise which is still ongoing. Although it has advanced significantly over the past six months, the finishing line still seems like miles away. There have been several obstacles and changes with further financial payments to be made.

So... the big question is: Why continue to gamble? I guess it feels like it doesn't matter either way, and perhaps I thought a life changing win was still possible. I have put everything into my project and it needs to be a success because I don't think I have any other options. Otherwise I will probably lose my home, job, family and health.

GamCare has always been the place for honesty, reflection, learning and example. That's why I can stand up and say it as it is. Life is not easy. Hard decisions need to be made. I do realise that gambling at any level is NOT trivial because it effects your thoughts, mood,  judgement and decisions. Therefore, it is my responsibility and intention to refrain from any gambling, and just keep hoping and believing in a better future. 

Great to see your posts Martin and pleased to read that you still have your head above water although saddened that you are struggling with your finances. Hope things pick up for you.

Excellent news that you are still working on your project/enterprise. If you have a dream you have got to go for it. That's what life is all about. I wish you every success. With careful planning, relevant skills and hard work nothing is impossible.

In your last post you mentioned that it was your intention to refrain from gambling and that it was poisoning your heart! My advice would be to release it (very loudly) with a giant resounding f a r t. You also pointed out that your soul it feeds upon, well tell it to eat elsewhere and ask it to move along.

Best wishes from Stephen The Redeemer  

Thank you Stephen for your kind reply and ongoing support. I very much like your up-and-at-'em approach. Kick the gambling habit right up the proverbial!

Of course it's not quite as easy as that as many of us can testify. With all the best will in the world and with blocking measures in place it still comes back to haunt us. 

The truth is,  many C.G's refuse to accept that they cannot win and that the odds are stacked against them. But in a way it's like the person who only plays the National Lottery,  perhaps twice a week.  If you told them they may have lost about £2500 in a ten year period,  and are highly unlikely to ever win a life-changing amount, they will probably reply that "you've got to be in it to win it".

The main difference for the C.G. is the buzz of excitement through the action of betting,  but essentially,  the hope of winning is at the heart of everything. 

And even in the cold light of day, in the aftermath of yet another losing spree a gambler may vow to refrain.  Only to re-establish a plan of gambling activity with renewed vigour and belief a few days later. 

The problem also is the need for stimulus of the body and mind, perhaps not in line with the usual solutions such as playing sports, eating, watching films or listening to music. Sometimes I think we need more, although I accept that the state of anxiety that may lead to irrational behaviour could simply be due to hunger, boredom, tiredness, anger or sadness. 

The fight goes on!!

My life is on hold until I gain the confidence and courage to walk tall without guilt or regret. Until I banish the old ways of living and thinking. I must reach a point of contentment through careful planning, bold decisions and acceptance of my limitations. 

I am who I am. But I can be more!

One day I will have no debts or desire to gamble. One day I will smile and see the world as a beautiful place. One day I will want for no more - just the air that I breathe, food, shelter and water- and perhaps the knowledge that I have been an important influence in the life of another.