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Day 64, not doing so great today!  

 
Jadiebby85
(@jadiebby85)

Feel like c**P today! I’m going round in circles, or at least my relationship is! Feels like I’m the only person who’s made any steps to change but I’m also the one who gets blamed for everything! I felt so positive again last week but today I broke down in Tesco, because when things are going bad for me I just feel like I cannot cope with anything (by anything, I mean ANYTHING!) all it was is that I used the scanner as I went round the shop and did a full weeks shop, I got to self service and scanned the barcode for it to download all the items! It came up saying “ service check needed” so I called the woman and she said “I’ve got to go & scan it all again” I was like 🤦‍♀️ Are you serious? Yep so I had to stand while people are giving me looks etc. Normally I’d not be bothered but I have my girly time at the minute and didn’t realise while standing waiting I look down and I’ve leaked wearing light jeans! It’s loads and all I had is a t shirt on which barely covered it! I had to ring my mum crying asking her to come and get me because I don’t drive & normally get an Uber back home! I couldn’t help it I was trying so bad not to be upset but I couldn’t stop myself! 
I hate the up/down feelings all the time, it makes it that little bit more harder! I’m  suffering with emotional tensions in my neck and shoulders, I hardly sleep, my body is still producing breast milk so my hormones are constantly thinking I’m feeding a baby and all over the place! This also messes up my periods so I’m getting pmt so bad & when I do come on I get symptoms weeks before hand! My last child was nearly 14 yrs ago! Sorry guys but you really do not know how easy you have it! Sorry to be frank anyone who reads this but this is my life daily! 🙄

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Posted : 13th July 2020 2:09 pm
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Aww jadie bad day, gladly I'm done with the girly times. Poor you I'm getting a mental pic of you stood there bless you it's really horrible isn't it, and always seems to happen when you are already having a bad day. Keep your chin up x

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Posted : 13th July 2020 3:07 pm
Kevthekev40
(@kevthekev40)

Hiya jaddie 

I can't say I know how you feel as I'm a male I don't get that bit thank God, but I do get the up and downs the not sleeping plus relationship is virtually in the bin, I think I'm only really here for the kids. One day she's okay with me next day I should be like a real man I'm struggling to deal with the put downs at the moment. I know I'm the one that done wrong but in my defence gambling is a very addictive vice that's really hard to control. Now I've not gambled since my relapse on the 24th of April so in my defence I'm getting there one day at a time, what else can I do we can only try and stay away from that devil and try and get on with life as best as we can 

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Posted : 13th July 2020 5:12 pm
bula
 bula
(@bula)

You're doing an incredible job to be this far gamble free, keep up the good work!

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Posted : 13th July 2020 9:17 pm
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Admin

Hello Jadiebby85,

I'm sorry that you are experiencing these health issues. 

You may already be using the NHS, if not, please consider talking with your GP to review your experience, in case your GP would like to offer you a referral to see a specialist, or to discuss treatment options that may be available on the NHS.  If you look at the website for your general practice they will likely have information on how best to contact them, and whether telephone calls or video calls may be an option rather than face-to-face consultations at the practice  (Due to the coronavirus pandemic).

https://www.nhs.uk/

Take care,

Adam.

 

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Posted : 13th July 2020 9:59 pm
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Hey jadie hope today starts better and carries on better. Keep your chin up you're doing great

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Posted : 14th July 2020 8:11 am
Jadiebby85
(@jadiebby85)

Hi @Kevthekev I feel for you at the minute, have you spoken to your wife about possibly trying some relationship counselling or something? Maybe lay everything down in the table with someone who is impartial to the relationship and hash it out! Sounds like she’s angry and I know your story and what happened but if she’s holding you in that moment, can you ever really recover properly? That’s what I’m feeling at the moment like I’ve done everything I can to change and make myself better but when something goes wrong it’s automatically my fault or I’m being sly or something is definitely going on! I’m not and I haven’t wanted to or anything but just that link to gambling constantly is driving me mad! 

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Posted : 14th July 2020 11:59 am
Kevthekev40
(@kevthekev40)

I know what you mean I get a payment every month due to my Ptsd so I said yesterday that I'd go put it in the bank, God did I get both barrels you'd thought I'd killed someone. It wouldn't bother me but I've had access to credit card and bank card for over 2wks, sometimes I think she enjoys making me feel the way she does. To be honest I think it's over and I'm going to have to make the call very soon. As all this isn't helping my mental health problems 

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Posted : 14th July 2020 12:40 pm
MythDunk
(@mythdunk)

As a 49 year old bloke I'm not going to even pretend I know how bad your day was and everything you were experiencing internally... but, we can at least recognize the symptoms of having up and down days when attempting a life changing recovery.

I would just say that it is ok to have a down day, in fact it would be abnormal bordering on concerning if every one of your days was filled with golden joy! We have to accept that not only are we dealing with a life changing attempt to alter the future courses of our lives into something more positive but actually, yes we are also coping with the mundane issues in our ordinary day to day lives too.

It's absolutely fine to have a bad day and recognize that fact.  It's not a weakness, it's being human!

The important thing, and this is really important for all of us, we can't let down days or bad days creep in as excuses to go back to bad habits. If you can get to the end of the day and say well that day was rubbish BUT I didn't gamble today...in the long run, that day has actually been a positive one even if you can't recognize that fact in the here and now. x

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Posted : 14th July 2020 1:49 pm
Dan
 Dan
(@dan)

24th April. That's amazing. Keep it up.

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Posted : 14th July 2020 10:07 pm
Kevthekev40
(@kevthekev40)

Hiya jadie

How you getting on is things going better with you and your partner? As mine is still the same and it's exhausting. I know I'm in the wrong but can't move forward until the past has gone 

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Posted : 21st July 2020 12:33 pm
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