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Controlling gambling diary  

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Bbno3
(@bbno3)

Hi guys my name is Bradley I know my intentions everyone will say is impossible to do so I would like to request for you not to comment to say you have to stop it is the only way and I am aware this is the case for most people but I want to control my gambling before quitting so that when I do quit I am able to control a relapse better.

I have autism and Schizoaffective I am in the process of trying to set up my own social enterprise to deliver peer support, social prescribing and networking information, opportunities, resources and support. I have had people tell me I won't be able to do this but I refuse to let it stop me.

I want to use this space to document my journey to try and control the gambling however I want to add a TRIGGER WARNING as I will be mentioning my entire journey both the ups and downs this will include a few gambling holidays I will add a clear trigger warning at the top and bottom of the posts that may be triggering for addicts like my self to read.

Many thanks for your time and wish me luck lol 🙂

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Posted : 16th October 2020 9:02 pm
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Admin

Hello Bradley,

Welcome to the forum and well done on starting a diary.

It sounds like you hope to be responsible and sensitive towards other forum members and that you appreciate that this is a public diary in a shared space for peer support for recovery from problem gambling, and as such you intend to be mindful of how others perceive and experience your posts.  You already anticipate that other members may strongly believe that their recovery requires stopping gambling and your current aim of attempting to achieve control of your gambling may not be the most espoused approach among the forum members here. 

You say that you will include trigger warnings and that you want to be able to post about the ups and downs of your journey and to mention 'Gambling holidays'.  I think what may also be useful to consider is how other members may perceive the tone of your posts, whether you are reflecting on your loss of control over gambling in a way that respects the seriousness and importance of recovery, and in a way that indicates you are attempting to learn from your experiences, rather than reliving your enjoyment of gambling.

As forum admins, we can moderate the forum to foster constructive and appropriate use of the shared space for peer support, and we are able to edit posts that stray far from the intended purpose of the forum.

If you would ever like immediate support for your recovery from problem gambling, or if you would like to discuss treatment options that GamCare offers to support recovery, please call us on 0808 8020 133 or come through on the netline if you prefer.

Take care,

Adam.

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 16th October 2020 10:37 pm
Stace🌹
(@stace)

Hi bb, not many will agree that trying to control gambling is possible but your reasons for wanting to control it , to make stopping easier, I can kind of understand. Everyone is different and find there own ways to cope. Good luck on your journey

Stace

ReplyQuote
Posted : 17th October 2020 12:43 am
Chezzy
(@chezzy)

I'm afraid my honest opinion. ..your just trying to fool yourself into thinking your problem is not that great a deal and can be controlled.  If that's true why would you need this site? . 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 17th October 2020 6:44 am
Bbno3
(@bbno3)

Thank you Stacy means a lot I am going to update this on a week-to-week basis to help keep me accountable for what I agree to do. I wish it was started on a more positive note. So yesterday I went to the casino and  at one point I was up but I just kept on going and I lost it all. When I got home I realized I didn't have the money to give to my mum that I owed her, so I went straight to the betting shop this morning to try and win the m0ney and now I don't even have that. I hate having a gambling addiction because I am the opposite of a selfish person however my gambling addiction is a selfish part of me that I need to get under control before I have mortgage payments and a family of my own. All of the above was purely impulsive and not planned or accounted for making it for me even worst. the plan for the next 2 weeks is no gambling I shall check back in a week times I wish you all the best.

 

Bradley

This post was modified 2 weeks ago by Forum admin
ReplyQuote
Posted : 17th October 2020 10:17 am
Bbno3
(@bbno3)

I know my gambling is a huge problem that needs to be overcome but for me, my biggest loss happened during a relapse because after not gambling for several months I just indulged in gambling and I lost everything. For me, I want to be able to control it so that if I have a relapse I have learned to reel myself back in if that makes sense.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 17th October 2020 10:20 am
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Hi Bbno, no disrespect to you but I don't think this is the right site for you. I don't think that you should be posting about how much you spend on gambling and what games you gamble on, it's not fair to the majority of people who are on here to recover. I've not got a problem with you asking for help that's good but please be respectful of others who are v new and raw and often lost everything to gambling. I'm 4months gamble free after a really bad relationship with gambling and now these type of posts don't hurt as much but there are others here that are in the first thros of giving up and fighting the urges bad

ReplyQuote
Posted : 17th October 2020 10:50 am
Chris.UK
(@chris-uk)

@bbno3 Part of the journey of a compulsive gambler is only you know when you want help. Everyone who reads your post knows you need help, and I have gone down the route of selfdelusion thinking that I could control my gambling.

The truth is I couldn't, however much I told myself and everybody around me. It was only when I hit rock bottom did I actually want help. In fact I desperately needed help, as I suggest you do too.

There is no control to a compulsive gambler, except possibily placing the first bet. After that you have no chance.

Don't wait a week to come back here, just post on here evry day if you've had a bet or not. I for one don't care how much you won or lost, what your stakes are or what you bet on, it really isn't important.

How you are feeling and doing and what you have done about your problem is much more important and I would like to read that every day.

Good luck in your journey.

Chris.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 17th October 2020 11:22 am
Bbno3
(@bbno3)

Hi charlie Thank you for sharing your post I understand gambling feels like it is something impossible to control and I feel I need this space just as much as everyone else I think the best I could do is add a trigger warning whenever I mention certain games and how much is won and lost which will always be lost more. Perhaps if you could recommend me another peer support forum that I could do a recovery diary I shall be sure to check it out. Recovery is a possibility even though it isn't easy and if there is any way I can utilize the support of a recovery journal in a forum that is more respectful to others whilst also supportive for myself and keeping myself accountable please do let me know. And I just wanted to give a massive well done for being 4 months gamble free that is really amazing and I am sure you are going to own your addiction like a boss.

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Posted : 17th October 2020 11:24 am
Bbno3
(@bbno3)

Thank you for your post Chris it is very much appreciated I am going to definitely keep a note of the advice you gave regarding the first bet and try to stick to a single bet per machine/game I play and perhaps when I successfully manage to control that go up and down based on how well I managed it. As for the frequency of posts, I will try to do it twice a week+ if I have any slip-ups or near misses. I have found a really great tv series that really shows a gambling addiction quite well it is called cleaning up and I found in on-demand on virgin. I would warn you it may be triggering for gamblers but it would definitely be a great insight for family and friends.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 17th October 2020 11:32 am
Stace🌹
(@stace)

Bb maybe when your updating your diary try refrain from mentioning amounts as it can be very triggering to other members, I know in chatroom they don't like people saying amounts, instead you could write £xxx, everyone is supported on here, but many don't believe you can successfully 'control' gambling, as an addict it's best to just give up altogether. But I can see your point in what your trying to do, that said, reading your above post about what you've gambled, I don't think trying to control your gambling is the best thing to do, but you are your own person and everyones journeys in recovery are different. If you want to talk to other gamblers , there's also a chatroom that's on at 1pm and 8pm everyday. Don't let gambling destroy your life, give up, but give up in a way you feel is best for you. Everyone is different.

Stace

ReplyQuote
Posted : 17th October 2020 11:48 am
Chris.UK
(@chris-uk)

@bbno3 I don't have any triggers but I'm sure many do.

As far as placing the first bet, I'm not saying that you are in control of that first bet, I'm saying that I can choose to place that first bet or not. Once I've placed it I have no control, so I choose each day not to place a bet. It has taken me many years to get to this point, I was just trying to illustrate that there is no control for a compulsive gambler.

Chris.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 17th October 2020 12:02 pm
Bbno3
(@bbno3)

Hi Chris even though controlling gambling is almost impossible for compulsive gamblers such as myself do you feel trying to control single bets would be easier than a series of bets and do you think it is best to set limits on time spent, money spent or number of games played?

ReplyQuote
Posted : 17th October 2020 12:08 pm
Bbno3
(@bbno3)

Hi thanks stace I a definitely keep that in mind because as much as I want to seek support I don't want to do it at the cost of triggering someone else so I shall start us in £xxx in future. Many thanks for the advice. I am very reflective when trying to gambling so if something didn't work I adapt to that. I guess for me my notivation comes from the impossible I want to show my self that I can control it whilst at the same time I respect everyones journeys are different.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 17th October 2020 12:16 pm
Chris.UK
(@chris-uk)

My view, based on my experience, is that I cannot place one bet and walk away. If I could I wouldn't be a compulsive gambler. I used to dream of being a controlled gambler, a bet here or there, living the high life on my winnings, but it was just a dream. In Gamblers Anonymous we call it the dreamworld of the compulsive gambler.

Obviously there are many ways you can approach this and having limits on time playing, money deposited and other restrictions are available, but I couldn't do that. I don't even toss a coin or buy a raffle ticket, it has destroyed huge chunks of my life and today I choose not to have that life.

You make your own conclusions though. If this forum, which is full of stories just like mine and yours, isn't enough for you to say I've had enough, unfortunately you'll have to go through your own journey.

Chris.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 17th October 2020 12:51 pm
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