Constant put downs

Hi Lele and Welcome.

Yes you need positivity and reality checks in a fine balance without soft soaping you too much.

You have to understand that is difficult for many partners and it has to be talked through in a relaxing and calm manner/environment.

That will take discussion and you have to give a bit by understanding they will be as confused hurt and a bit angry at times...it should calm though as they understand you mainly have had a drug addiction and there is no shame in you coming clean

My advice is that you don't have to tell ALL your family as long as you have told key members of your family that could help the most...word should get around for your own safety and protection but not everybody needs to know if they have no direct links to your life or finances

Believe me you dont want the trust with this addiction....you need love and understanding but trust is a small price to pay compared with the ruin that continued gambling causes.

So its about ironing it out gradually. We are not relationship counsellors but we do understand this addiction.

Im sure you are humble and you will feel a real serenity about getting help and handing over some control. Until your mind heals money is no good in your pocket other than a sandwich allowance.

If you want clothes etc you should take a real pride on providing receipts and being given just about enough to go and buy those.

I know its hard but it does get better...you will pass many eureka moments where you cant believe it was you who did that.....we were all out of our minds.

Can you handle terms like that or mental illness because it will make you a stronger person who isn't afraid to mention the truth. That is the truth and you should be proud you can face the truth.

You have to understand your partner. Ive been a problem gambler and I would be shocked to hear my partner has been at it.

He shouldnt be too hard on you though as long as he is seeing your credit reports and controlling the finances.

This is not about treating you like a baby. Its literally about saving your life so there is going to be some friction.

Thats the mess this addiction causes and how deadly dangerous it is. Some people are no longer with us to tell the tale so you have to put this in context...Its no game about a silly flutter...its the most deadly addictive thing I know about.

Take it easy...it does get better with the right help and blocks

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Tell him to start being a part of the solution and not the problem.

You are quite right. We need positive, not negative. Not much else to say but "stay strong"!

Good luck

Tell him either to support you as your doing massive steps more than he'll ever imagine and it's your personal business and i think you'v told enough for support , if he can't support you and putting you down or making it harder too move on maybe he's part of the problem.

I know that sounds harsh but we all have triggers and he doesn't need to remind you no more he needs to be by your side everyday step by step.

Stay strong and do it for a better you.

Unfortunately, you will be faced with difficult situations like this. All are different and you will read of countless stories of where relationships reach due to gambling.

While you are facing a rough time with the negativity, I do not believe that this should be an open book for all to read and judge, and it is important at this time to stay within the circle of trust.

One must admit that we are the gamblers and the cause of the problems in the first place, with our actions already having hurt others, and keeping that in mind, possibly need to listen to somethings that we may not like and keep calm about it.

Often it is the question of trust which gets breached and many partners need time to accept and find it most difficult to at face value, as you may know that we are master liers and manipulators, even to ourselves.

It is key that you find your inner strength with a mission to succeed for yourself, because that success will fuel many other successes. Right now you are important and you must stay focused for yourself. Believe that you can do it, others will make their choices so must you, and that is to stop and know that is all that matters.

The rest will take care of itself.

I am 33 years on and off this stupidity and this is my 8th day clean, and can assure you that I will be marking 365 days due to the wonderful support on this forum.

Believe in yourself, you can do it. 

All the best

Hi lele unfortunately not many partners are willing to seek help. Gambling addiction affects everyone around you, the ripple effect. He needs help and support to learn how to cope too.  there is f&f on here, new chatroom, gamcare helpline, gamanon meeting. Are you going to GA? If there is a meeting near you with a Gamanon meeting as well? you could go together (to your separate meeting they are not in same room). 

Recovery is not about punishment, it's about letting go, humility and honesty. It's also about realising how much damage has been done and making amends. 

If you have debt and money problems you can call stepchange.

the only person you can change is yourself and the same for your partner. When people don't reach out for help they assume controlling you will help, it doesn't.

The only advice I can give is talk to him about how you feel and how his negativity pain. Hurts you to and makes things more difficult to get help tell him that you need his support in the long run. Good luck with your gambling and stay positive.