My recovery must come first so that everything I love in life doesn’t have to come last.
I really love the tagline attached to your profile by the way. Just reminding you of it because im sure when you wrote it you weren't of the mindset that it was going to be as easy to beat as your recent posts infer. Seems like you were trying to convince yourself more than you were trying to convince us.
Please work this my friend. Don't be one of those return customers on this forum. Work it every day. You will notice the difference.
i am certainly not getting complacent nor thinking as a whole its easy, little things i have found easier than i thought i ever would. Going to the casino being one of them when i would normally go with at least £5k on me to burn through (makes me sick saying that now!). as mentioned just now, i wont be making a habit of it and i will definitely excuse myself next time a trip arises.
I am not finding this easy as a whole, and i stand by that tag line i wrote a while ago. I have to ensure that my recovery does come first over and above anything else for those very reasons.
The initial feelings have subsided, i have come to terms with what i have done and lost, but new feelings/thoughts present themselves. It is almost like i have freed up an area of my brain that was constantly thinking about gambling and filled it with other things!
I am categorically not going to fail at this, i can tell everybody on here that for certain. I have come too far already, made changes, felt the benefit and experienced the lows of 'going cold turkey' if you will, to ever turn back to where i was 3 months ago. I wont be who i was.
I am categorically not going to fail at this, i can tell everybody on here that for certain. I have come too far already, made changes, felt the benefit and experienced the lows of 'going cold turkey' if you will, to ever turn back to where i was 3 months ago. I wont be who i was.
Ah loving this passage mate - really powerful words. Eventually (as with all ailments and afflictions) things start to heal and settle, I guess this happens faster for some than others...
Wishing you all the best with this, like you said looking back on the madness makes you realise just how deluded we can become through this sickening illness, it's very patient gambling - it will wait and wait and wait then attempt to strike when you least expect it - hopefully your life will transform beyond the circumstances that brought you to this place in the first place and your future will be rosy so when it does come, you'll be well ahead of it!
All the best man! ?
checking in, day 76 GF
Still the odd urges, but never acted on anything and proud to say i have not gambled. Savings account is growing at a healthy rate, business accounts are growing at an even better rate (after not taking a silly wage every month and gambling 75% of it!).
Have shied away from the forum for a few weeks, just taking a step back to concentrate on myself. Still have dark dark days, but i am finding peace knowing that regardless what i have done, looking back will do me no favors and there is only one direction to look in.
Very well done. I hope to make it to the day's you've done gamble free. Keep it up.
Hi 88anon,
Really good going, thank you for sharing your progress
Best Wishes
Forum Admin
The only question i'd like to ask is what's the most important thing to you right now, the money, or your own mental health?
DAY 83 GF
Not gambled, nor put myself in a position where i have wanted to gamble or had the ability to gamble. Money all in one account where gambling transactions are blocked so i know i can't even if it tried. Have watched football and sports and found it refreshing not to be worrying about where the next goal goes in and how it affects my accumulator!
Have not felt myself over the last few days though, a few hurdles in life have set me back and i am considering seeing a therapist / counselor to tackle my mindset and my thoughts surrounding various historic life events and current issues. Finding it really hard to be happy, to enjoy what i have and forget the past whilst dealing with what is in front of me.
Smartie2 - in response to your question, both. Everyone needs and wants money right? we simply cannot live without it. My issue is there is so much pressure from society / social media to be rich, successful & good looking, that i almost feel i need money to be liked, as tragically sad that sounds.....My mental health is good, but i am just hitting a few bumps in the road of late which i am doing all i can to prevent turning into mountains! All considered i do not have a bad life, it could just be better, but everybody can say that, regardless of who you are.
Dear 88anon,
First of all a big well done on your progress to date; I understand it it is a long haul so please do keep posting and asking for any support that you may need.
If we support you in accessing treatment services/counselling in your area please do feel free to contact the helpline on 0808 8020 133 or via our netline available very day from 8.00am until midnight where you can speak to an adviser.
Wishing you all the very best,
Forum Admin
DAY 92 GF - approaching the incomprehensible 3 digit number!
100 DAYS GF - a number i never thought i would see!
Lots going on in Family life, but unfortunately lots reminding me of what i have done as an influx of cash is required to make a big step in life. Cash everyone thinks i have, but i don't. Flaunting money after a big win was a one of my many mistakes as others would find it incomprehensible that i had £90k in cash a matter of weeks ago, and now i barely have 15% of that. Tricky times ahead but i have to focus on the future and realise how far i have come in recovery. I am climbing out of a hole i have been digging for the past 10 years and each day presents a new challenge.
Onwards and upwards is the only way for me, i have to keep looking forward and trying my utmost to forget the past.
well done! keep going
Forum Admin
127 DAYS GF
have been to see a therapist, who has basically advised that gambling was completely an escape from life for me. All sorts of emotions have come flooding back since i have left the gambling behind, and i masked these the entire time i did gamble. I feel as if i have freed up far more time, along with brain space which has allowed me to feel these extra emotions and have many more thoughts about things i simply didn't and couldn't think about whilst gambling as this occupied a huge percentage of my time/brain (whether that be will this bet come in, finance issues, live bets, excessive spending, or simply looking at screen spinning away ridiculous amounts of money for hours on end!).
Its all pretty scary and sometimes i wish i could just gamble to escape once again, but i know that is not the answer. Tackling things head on, making plans, and dealing with what comes my way regardless of what that promotes, and regardless of whether its for the best or the worst.
some days easier than others, some days much harder than i ever imagined.
Onwards and upwards..........
well done! keep going
S.A
232 days GF
Shamefully back again.
After a long time gamble free, i was essentially enticed back in (hear me out on this one!).
After my blocks on a certain site were removed, i was given free money to play with to 'start me off'. The thoughts in my head were to shut the account down for good this time, as was unaware i only closed it for x amount of years as opposed to indefinitely, but of course i didn't do that or i wouldn't be here.
After spending the free money, i managed to deposit and won. I splashed out on things i wouldn't normally, and kept going back to gambling to recoup what i had spent and replenish my bank account. Any guesses for how this ends?
Here i am today, 3 weeks after my 'old account' was reopened and i had been given over £1250 in FREE cash to 'get me started'. The free cash stopped, the winning stopped, and i am now over £28k worse off than i was at the end of last week. No checks to see if i was happy to reopen the account, no limits, no calls when i went from not playing to playing all day everyday.
For whoever is reading this i am not blaming anyone except myself and i am fully aware of that, however i do feel there should be things in place to stop people doing what i have done. To prevent me feeling the way i do, after doing what i have done.
Feeling painfully disappointed, as i have undone almost 2 years of hard work and rebuilding, in a mere few weeks.
The road begins again..........
Welcome back... You did it before so you can do it again, and this time you'll be wiser from this experience. Sorry to hear about your relapse, hopefully it will give you even more determination to beat this addiction forever. One day at a time! Have you already signed up for the 5 year gamstop? I haven't received any promotional offers since they processed my exclusion.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
