This time I have blown it.
After being together for 20 years me a my partner decided to get married we took out a loan to pay for the big day day ad she warned me not to screw up again or that would be it we would be over. I have made stupid decisions in the past a gambled money that was not mine to gamble and she has forgiven me, and I have promised not to do it again but I have. This time I don't think I will be back and it has taken this for my to admit I need help with this addiction.
I have done some c**P things in my past but this time I have ashamed and humiliated both my partner and my son. We got the loan picked the venue sent out the save the date cards, she went and bought the dress that she is not going get to wear as I lied and gambled away our wedding fund. We had it all arrange he DJ, photographer the cake everything but while we had ben doing this I was going behind her back and gambling online. Living to cover my wrong doings taking out payday loans in her name to cover up the lies.
I have now told her but if I'm honest that was only because everything was coming to a head and bills need settling and I could just not keep up the cover any longer and thought it was best to come for me.
The wedding is now cancelled I have been kicked out rightly so, while I will see my son and be a part of his life I'm going to be waking up with him every morning.
This has been a huge wake up call and I don't know if I will ever get my life back but I have not had a bet since Wednesday but I have not had any money so no opportunity to the test will be when I do.. I am trying to do the right things, I have told my family I am going to go to a gamblers anonymous meeting my next one is tuesday in my area I have spoke with Gamcare and they are getting me online coucilling.
I am going to beat this and make it 233 posts in the success stories thread.
Any advise on what I can do next will be most helpful.
Take it easy. Things will not get fixed overnight. Go to the GA meeting with an open mind and a willingness to listen
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Thanks day@atime I will be attending on Tuesday
Hi,
Ouch and I can agree with the above that this is going to be a day at a time journey.
You say you haven't gambled since Wednesday as you have no funds. The best advice I can give is put barriers in place so you can't gamble when you do have funds as you may feel the need to chase.
You may also think you can win something to try and make things better.
You have hit your personal rock bottom and your recovery journey starts NOW.
If you are gambling online via phone - get rid of the phone for a non internet version. If via laptop get as much blocking software installed as you can.
Contact a debt management company. Personally I use Stepchange. It can only help.
Things may seem really bad at the moment but stopping your addiction is a huge step and you never know what the future holds.
Best wishes
Thank you, I have put those things in place. I wont be able to access any funds I will be given what is needed for day to day living. I have told all the people who I have lent of in he past and at the minute I can't even look them in he eye never mind ask hen to lend me some money.
Its a change I need to do I have my focus and for once I'm not scared to ask for suppor.
Hi,
Keep posting on here. The support is fantastic. Plus keep reading other posts. We are always learning from each other and hints, tips are always welcome.
Best wishes
Good luck on your journey and I'm so sorry to hear about your cancelled celebrations.
Well done for beginning to put barriers in place, it takes a lot of courage to admit that you have problems with gambling in the first place.
Keep posting!
I wrote a day 2 post yesterday but must not have saved it. Had some great support from me mum dad and brother and spent the night with me son it was a good day
Day 3
well today was payday paid of the last of me gambling debts other than the money I have taken from the wedding fund. Was given some money this morning used it for what it was meant for, going home with change(that's a first) and recipts. Been a tough day on work all the lads talking about tonight's games but just kept my head down and pretended to be busy when ask what I fancied tonight and would I have cashed out in that guy who apparently won 46k. Off home now to see my lad for an hour before going to me first GA meeting tonight don't know what to expect just imagine it to be like you see on tv with people in a old hall sat on plastic chairs.
Will update later it tomorrow on how I get on.
Well went yo my 1st GA meeting last night. My apprehension was unfounded everyone there was in the same boat some inspiring stories. Said my story and got some great feedback which I will take on board.
Another day today keep thinking the same thoughts. 1 day at a time and go back to GA next week and have another week gambling free under my belt
Hi,
Glad you hear that you're doing what it takes to beat the addiction. My husband goes to two GA meetings per week in different places and finds that it helps. Is it possible for you to get to a second meeting?
BW,
CW
Thanks for your comments @cynical wife I'm just starting to understand what I have put my partner through and it must be the same for you.
I only have one local meeting to me I am looking at some other options as that was some of the advise I was given last night. I'm also looking into some phone counciling with gam care which hopefully will help to.
Keep sticking by your man im sure he appreciates it
Hi Oldhamktf. Looks like your sticking to your plan Buddy !! Well done It's all about the little first steps , your doing fine , give it time and things will improve mate !! All the best Buddy ! Alan .
Thanks Alan appreciate your kind words. Had a read of your diary and I wish you all the luck with your battle. I was never into to the FOBTS thankfully it wa football for me used ove spending time studying till it all went wrong then would jump on the in plays chasing my loses and well you know the rest that never works.
DAY 6
Well really it's day 10 since I had my last bet but im counting from when I started the diary and had some money to bet so day 6 it is.
Saturday oh how you have changed normally would be studying hard and convincing myself that today will be the day I hit it big instead im about to start unpacking my bin bags of clothes in my old bedroom that I left behind 22 years ago.
Its been a tough few days not on the gambling front I've had no real urge to have a bet I can't go down that road again or I will lose the few people who have stood by me my son included.
My what I now suppose is my ex as had a few blows at me this week as it begins to sink in what I have done. I'm just being honest and taking all the grief I am getting from her after all I deserve it for what I have done to her.
Had my lad round for a few hours last night to help with some homework and he made apple crumble in school and WOW it was absolutely beautiful . He has been great but I can see the hurt in his eyes and that is a great motivation to keep going the way I am.
Anyway back to the bin bags they are not going to iron and unpack themselves.
Always good to keep yourself busy mate !! Congratulations , you seem really positive and thats what will take you forward ! Your gonna get some grief along the way , particulary from the ex but I'm sure given time once she see's that your serious about this things will def improve . When you spoke about your son's cooking skills , you sounded really happy , It's amazing that once we stop gambling we notice whats really important in our lives . Take care my Brother and have a great gamble free weekend !! Alan
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