Back again

Hi,

Yes,I agree. We cannot blame establishments for our own choices. We know how it ends up, yet we choose to repeat the cycle.  Always ends up the same way, sooner or later .

Could you self exclude from those arcades? Maybe don't  carry cash/bank card with you and only have the amount you need for the day? The thing is, without  some measures being put in place,  nothing  will change.

You did very well this year and you can do so again. Don't  be hard on yourself,  addiction loves misery and that way brings more urges on as punishment.  Don't  give in to those lies.

Step at a time, put blocks I place and make that first bet impossible  to happen.

You can do this!!

S

Hi SB,

Thanks for your reply.

Yes, I have blocks in place, signed up to gamstop for 5 years, excluded with all of the local bookies. I am actually self excluded with the arcade I go into, but they either don't recognise or care, either way it's up to me as much as them, I could wave at them and say I'm self-excluded to remind them but I don't. 

Having had a think about where this relapse began, I actually put it down to recently going out drinking, twice over the space of a few weeks. I played the bandits in the pubs, not obsessively, just a 'quick go'. I think this led to me going to the shopping centre where I could gamble unimpeded. Which then led to me going to the local arcade. I guess the point I'm making, something small and innocent, and after a few beers, led me down this path. I suppose now I can be more vigilant and make sure I don't carry cash on a night out (old habit) to try and avoid this in the future.

I'm just hoping I don't have another wretched 30 days whilst getting in front of this problem again. 

As an entry to myself, this addiction soon claws you back once you leave the door open a little bit. A rather large amount of money lost after going back to the arcade, under the pretence of trying to win back what I had lost the previous day. It all spiralled from there, and now no matter what I do, the money lost in the last 2 days is impossible to win back, literally 0 chance, so it's better forgotten about and moved on from.

Having discovered this chink in my armour, from seemingly being able to get through the self exclusion at the arcade, I've today reminded them I'm self excluded, and asked that they ask me to leave if they are to see me there again. I believe this well help greatly, as it was my only 'go to' place locally. 

So here goes again, back on the road to recovery, this time with a reinforced block in place and the knowledge that even a single 'quick go' on a pub bandit or slot machine and this addiction will have it's claws into you, draining you of money and life.

I'm expecting a few rough days, but I've done it before and can do it again. 

Feel for you Miscjoe - been there so many times myself. I could never get my head around that CGs need to quit for good, despite it being so obvious. 

Don't be so hard on yourself, but do be firm and vigilant. Ultimately if you slip back into gambling you will repeat previous behaviour and it won't end well.

I'm writing this to get thoughts onto paper. 

What I hoped wouldn't happen, happened, it was inevitable. After going 3 months gamble free, that one little go, that I thought I could now control happened, fast forward a few weeks, and I seem to be repeatedly gambling. Only land based as I have Gamstop and only further away locations as I'm banned from those local to me.

Anyway, I've renewed my ban from bookmakers, and I've contacted local arcade to self exclude (a new one just opened). I've come clean so to speak with the other half, well, not clean as she new I gambled anyway, but I've asked her to help me this time, starting off with taking control of my bank cards and making sure I put blocks in place for whenever we visit somewhere out of town where I'm not self excluded.

I've done 3 months gamble free before. I believe I can do it again. I've got more blocks in place this time and I've asked for help. The intention to quit is there and is strong, I just can never afford to gamble just once, and I need to remember that. 

Great move excluding again ......all the best.....let's make January the start of a great year xxx

Hi Miscjoe,

Until you really, really, really get your head around quitting for good, relapses will happen. I'm so pleased for you that you have caught it quick this time. Well done for sharing with your partner too.

I think you can do this 🙂 

Since my last last post, in December, I had a good January and February, but the same old scenario happened again, I i remember rightly it was a couple of goes on bandits whilst out drinking, which led to a not so good March and a destructive April, which has led me to where I am now which I would describe as regret and a bit of self loathing, but at the same time, once again the realisation that I need to quit quickly and permanently.

The struggles I have, is that I know 100% gambling is a fools game, there's no joy in it, no entertainment value and you don't win in the long term, it's simply a parasite. I know this and tell that to myself all the time, yet I keep going back, and I know that's the addiction within me. Thankfully I'm fully blocked online, there's just no way for me there and I don't even look for ways round it. I'm blocked from all the local bookies, and to be honest, they don't appeal to me greatly either. My problem is arcades, the one local to me I'm excluded from but manage to still go to, and the other ones I go to require me to travel, so this isn't too often. I suppose the damage I seem to do on each visit is quite high, which then leads me to visiting again trying to claw back what I can, often to no avail, but on the odd occasion I do, it's never a full recovery so I chase more and end up losing more, this is the cycle. I know the money I've lost is gone forever, and trying to chase it will only lead to me losing more, it's strange as I seem to think I know everything, and what I need to do, but it's doing it and keeping on doing it that get's me.

As a gambler, I can find ways to gamble if I want to, but I know the shame in losing the amounts I do becoming known would compel me to not do it, or I at least believe this. So, my problem stems with access to cash as that's what I need for arcades. The solution I'm thinking of is to open a joint account with my other half, and basically at each pay day, I will move all excess or gambling funds to the joint account, where I wouldn't be able to explain withdrawals, here at least money would be ring fenced and out of reach. For my own account, I hand over my cards to the Mrs, and simply use Google pay or something, again, removing access to cash. This is the way things would remain for the foreseeable future. As I know I can quit, I've done it before, it's just the one time slips that lead me back down the gambling path, and these only or can only happen if I have access to cash, so it seems obvious to me, that it's this access that I need to remove.

Writing the above and thinking about it actually makes me feel like I'm losing or handing over control, it's kind of an uneasy feeling, but I guess that's the gambling parasite in me trying to stop me from doing it, which in my mind, makes me believe this is definitely something I need to do.

So, it starts again, here I go with day one, and this time, with some more blocks in place.