Another £700

Thank You .

I do dream about winning what I have lost and starting again. But I realise it's not impossible buy highly improbable. I'd be happy with just having money in the bank. I just want that. 

Posted by: X M

Hello. Thank You for the message. 

I am going to try but I just can't imagine doing it. 100 days is a long time and three paydays. I don't earn that much money. I'm on two part time jobs and a big loss his really hard as I'm sure it does with everyone. 

I want to ask you something though. Say when you went 100 days gambling free, you would have saved a lot of money. Were you not tempted even more to gamble when you had more money?

Amazingly, no.

I paid bills.  I bought stuff I'd stopped buying.

I now have some decent clothes I wouldn't have bothered with and I'm happier when I go out, some weights (and protein shakes) in an attempt to work on my body and I've done more with the kids.  I spend money on filling time and making sure I enjoy it. Money well spent at the mo and it's working to fill what I did before.

I had the last 2 weeks off and that was a huge challenge  ( hence me posting a lot more on here than usual), but it is possible.  If you met me, you'd prob see we are very similar, so I'm not preaching or showing off...just giving you some hope.  You can do it if you really want to and by being here, you clearly do mate.

It all sounds amazing and somewhere I want to be. This is the first day and I'm shaking like a leaf. It's withdrawal symptoms I know but it's a start. 

Posted by: X M

I do dream about winning what I have lost and starting again. But I realise it's not impossible buy highly improbable. I'd be happy with just having money in the bank. I just want that. 

Hi again .

I'd try and come to terms with the fact that the money's gone and plant the idea that your not going to chase it anymore ?.

If you stop gambling then no doubt you will start to build up some savings in the bank but that in turn will create the idea that as you have funds then why not gamble ? . 

It may be wise therefore to find a way to limit your access to those fund's , maybe give your card or cash to someone you can trust ? . 

It may well not affect you like that but I'm just saying that planning ahead now will make a difference .

The idea on here is of a triangle of Time, money ,location  and as long as one of those 3 is missing then you can't gamble ?. 

Simple things can work :)) 

Posted by: Magnetism

Hi,

I read some of your diary and just thought I would mention something. Those thoughts about dying are very unhelpful and quite serious. Therefore I suggest that anyone who has ever had these thoughts, and reading this post, really takes gambling issues, very, very seriously. When you start having these thought it means that you have gone past the point of self control.

I know people who have acted upon those thoughts and their lives have been devastated. All from gambling...Do gamblers  even realise that their are a number of side effects from gambling and stopping  gambling? Very serious indeed and its a bloody farce that it is supposed to be fun! Be afraid when you decide to gamble because it is a huge risk on your health....Forget about the wallet that is the least of the problem!

I'm not sure why mentioning thought's about dying are " Unhelpful" ? they are truly serious  thought's but surely the whole point of posting on a forum where we have a serious problem is to get it out there " Wart's n all " ? . 

When I came here as I stated in my first post it was all I could think off , reflecting back I now realise that I really didn't want to end it all but I did want all the mess I had created to just stop and unless you've stood at the edge then you simply don't understand how bad those feelings are . 

I'm sorry if anyone took offence at my revelation but if your not being honest with the way you felt then and now then your not being honest full stop . 

Maybe I should have stuck to telling of the lies and deceit that I created for 40yrs :(( .     

I think you misread that.  I think the poster was saying that such thoughts are unhelpful.

Maybe i read it wrong!!

Either way, I appreciate your honesty and saying it as it is here is the best thing for you.

Posted by: bdog

I think you misread that.  I think the poster was saying that such thoughts are unhelpful.

Maybe i read it wrong!!

Either way, I appreciate your honesty and saying it as it is here is the best thing for you.

Possibly I did bdog ? 

So apologies in advance to Magnetism if this is the case :)) 

Oh I've got plans. Plenty of plans to not gamble but it's difficult sticking to them. I still can't believe people can just stop. 

This is scary and I can relate. I came on here a couple of weeks back and did 11 days gamble free. Felt amazing when I woke up on a morning and didn't have that gambleover (you know, like a hangover when your stomach sinks and you realised how much you lost the previous night).

I got paid on the 12th day and shock I gambled. First £50, then £80 and since the 15th I'm £380 down. I'll be honest, tonight I put another £50 on stupid bets to win it back. Then it gets so much I know I won't win it back in 1 win and I know if I win small amounts I'll gamble till I get that £380 back.

I've come back on tonight as I must stop. Its so hard it really is but I'm sure together we can do it (sounds cringe but your story sounds so similar to mine). 

Ive also had those horrible thoughts, it took me until last night to realise they're most likely gambling related. I always think I can gamble and it's OK cos one day I can just end it all when I've lost all my money and I'm beyond help..

I don't think I'm bi polar, but man one day I can be fine and happy and the next I'll be gambling and depressed. 

End of the day, money is just money and in a few years the debts will reduce.

Stay strong dude, day 1 for me starts tomorrow let's do it together!

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Apologies again Magnetism :)) 

Despite what you think guy's people " Can just stop " although some say " Stopping's the easy bit " it's " Staying stopped that takes the real effort " ? . 

It's really just about getting your head around the whole idea of giving up something you've relied on for so long . As I mentioned before the idea of giving up gambling forever is a very scary thought ( it was for me ) so that's where you break thing's down into bite size chunk's and say that " Just for today I won't gamble " .

Those day's can be broken down into minutes and hours if you like but the important thing is that you get through it without giving in and gambling again , they also begin to add up 2 day's a week then a month and so on ? . 

The reason many of us go back to gambling is to get our money back that as a gambler we think were owed ? 

You have to let it go for once and allow gambling to beat you and most importantly admit to yourself that it's beat you , If you stepped into a ring and a guy twice your size beat the craaaap out of you day after day would you keep going back for more , or realise that you had no chance of winning ? What gambling does to you is the same but far worse because it always allows you to believe you have a chance of beating the odds but the odds are always in the bookies favour right and the longer you gamble the more chance the bookies or gambling  sites have of taking your money . 

There's a saying of " How do you make a Compulsive gambler a millionaire " ??? " Start by giving him two million " :(( 

We cannot win because we cannot stop guy's  !! 

I have been on a journey of awareness. It was a slow arduous one, laden with years / decades of relapses leading to stress filled periods of intense gambling and ultimately thousands of hard earned pounds down the proverbial drain.

I often muse did I need to go through each and every relapse in order for the tipping point to finally be reached and that epiphany lightbulb moment to occur, that has lead to me now being one year free (today) of this cursed curse. Maybe, yes, maybe I really did have to physically experience each and every relapse  in order to get to where I am today. But I do think that if only I had grasped, truly grasped, the following, I would’ve fast tracked it.

1. You have to genuinely accept that you are giving it up for life. This is the biggest one of all. I spent years trying to control it, often limiting myself to xxx amount per day/week whatever, it never works. I spent years not realising that trying to give up for e.g a month and rewarding myself with a little gamble if I achieved it was flawed beyond words. You absolutely have to accept (not necessarily WANT) that you are giving up forever. If you are a CG and you do not do that I absolutely guarantee that you WILL relapse at some point.

2. Is isnt all about the winning. In fact it is very little about the winning. In fact again, winning and in particular winning big is far worse, as it simply fuels the fire. The reasons are almost always a heady mix of seeking that dopamine rush and escapism 

3. Gamstop Gamstop Gamstop . That’s the main one but get as many blocks in place as you can. There will be times when you are more vulnerable and let your guard down, and without these barriers firmly in place, you will likely succumb. Willpower alone will not be enough.

4. An understanding that you call the shots. It’s just a mindset thing. It may well feel like no matter what you do, it has a hold over you but you CAN turn the tables and say actually no, screw you, I don’t want to gamble anymore!

Hi Magnetism, no I haven’t read that book but I think I get what it means by willpower itself is what can lead us back to relapse. I cant imagine there are many true CGs who are years into a gamble free run, and who are using willpower alone.

I totally agree about understanding. It is that and awareness that are the crucial, and often missing, pieces of the jigsaw when trying to give up.