Morning dear diary
a bank holiday weekend negotiated with little drama, yes a few strange requests from diners but by and large we came out unscathed, we got to enjoy the cricket on the radio which was thrilling, I really do enjoy test cricket and even more so on the radio. So a new week, new challenges good and bad will come my way, I have a day off Friday and will get my head down until then and concentrate on work, feeding myself well and exercise because I know that the outcome will be one of positive feelings and yes I can keep piling the hours in because from the graft plans can be made and forfilled. We have a week off at the end of September in which I have booked five days on a narrow boat.
something that I may have talked about throughout my gambling life but never got past just talking. Life today due to a prolonged period of abstinence has created choices. I believe that those choices are what I robbed myself of, because I acted like a dog that chased its own tail.
I understand that my tail still wags, addiction often waves furiously to try and gain my attention and with that one step into the door of a bookmakers would bring my life to turmoil, I am one bet away from destruction but in equal measure I am another day better off for making my choice yesterday.
I remind myself how fragile the line is, from that I gather strength
just for today I will make a choice
abstain and maintain
duncs stepping forward never back
Abstinence and recovery are not the same thing.
For me I needed to abstain before my recovery and healing could happen.
For me abstaining meant I gave up hurting myself and people around me.
For me recovery means healing, I could not heal until I admitted to myself I was admitting the pain I was living with.
Before my recovery I use to bury and suppress my feelings.
For me walking in to the recovery program was very scary.
I had learned to live my life in so many fears.
Today my inner child is mostly healed.
My reaction in unhealthy anger is reducing drastiacally.
I am honest and open.
I am able to be myself.
No more escaping in my fears from people life and situations I was not able to cope with.
AKA Dave of Beckenham
I hope you and the family are well and that your family continues to reap the rewards that abstinence brings.
I really hope you guys had your break on the longboats. Something I am sure my humble family would equally relish.
Thank you so much for your words of support back in August. They helped me more than you could know.
That was a slip in a moment of vulnerability which escalated and to be honest I could not face the Forum again until I felt as if I was truly back in recovery.
Well I am back and hope to see you back sometime soon.