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Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.  

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Morning dear diary 

a bank holiday weekend negotiated with little drama, yes a few strange requests from diners but by and large we came out unscathed, we got to enjoy the cricket on the radio which was thrilling, I really do enjoy test cricket and even more so on the radio. So a new week, new challenges good and bad will come my way, I have a day off Friday and will get my head down until then and concentrate on work, feeding myself well and exercise because I know that the outcome will be one of positive feelings and yes I can keep piling the hours in because from the graft plans can be made and forfilled. We have a week off at the end of September in which I have booked five days on a narrow boat.

something that I may have talked about throughout my gambling life but never got past just talking. Life today due to a prolonged period of abstinence has created choices. I believe that those choices are what I robbed myself of, because I acted like a dog that chased its own tail.

 I understand that my tail still wags, addiction often waves furiously to try and gain my attention and with that one step into the door of a bookmakers would bring my life to turmoil, I am one bet away from destruction but in equal measure I am another day better off for making my choice yesterday.

 I remind myself how fragile the line is, from that I gather strength 

just for today I will make a choice 

abstain and maintain 

duncs stepping forward never back 

Posted : 27th August 2019 8:03 am


Abstinence and recovery are not the same thing.

For me I needed to abstain before my recovery and healing could happen.

For me abstaining meant I gave up hurting myself and people around me.

For me recovery means healing, I could not heal until I admitted to myself I was admitting the pain I was living with.

Before my recovery I use to bury and  suppress my feelings.

For me walking in to the recovery program was very scary.

I had learned to live my life in so many fears.

Today my inner child is mostly healed.

My reaction in unhealthy anger is reducing drastiacally.

I am honest and open.

I am able to be myself.

No more escaping in my fears from people life and situations I was not able to cope with.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham 

Posted : 12th September 2019 4:54 pm

Hope everything still going well for you Duncan. 

Posted : 6th November 2019 12:54 pm

Dear Duncan,

I hope you and the family are well and that your family continues to reap the rewards that abstinence brings.

I really hope you guys had your break on the longboats. Something I am sure my humble family would equally relish.

Thank you so much for your words of support back in August. They helped me more than you could know.

That was a slip in a moment of vulnerability which escalated and to be honest I could not face the Forum again until I felt as if I was truly back in recovery.

Well I am back and hope to see you back sometime soon.

Best wishes,


This post was modified 3 weeks ago by Markman
Posted : 16th November 2019 11:03 am
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