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6 months gf- not how i expected to feel  

 
Loulou
(@loulou)

Today i reluctantly I signed up to another 6 months of gamstop I've already been 6 months gamble free it left me with debt but that's under some sort of control with stepchange. I dont want to gamble it causes more stress and after nearly loosing everything if I did it again to myself there would be no excuse.

6 months ago I was off work..I am now back at work..thought i was dealing with things a lot better and coping even though some horrible things have happened in between.

 

But tonight I dont know what it is I feel so suicidal. I have the helpline numbers etc for mental health services but I just feel like I would be misunderstood or not taken seriously...even though I dont want to gamble I wish I could right now even though knowing if i did it's only a short term relief and longer term issue.

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Posted : 1st October 2019 6:24 pm
AlanT75
(@alant75)

Mental health is a nightmare! I have anxiety issues and depression and have really decided that each day is different and a new challenge. Like yourself and so many gamblers I was in a hell of a lot of debt but I am paying it off. But when I am feeling down I REFUSE to chase the Lows (everyone thinks about the highs but the lows are just as addictive). Kee P being strong. you have proved to yourself you can do it and battle through the bad days. To go 6 months GF commands respect from one compulsive Gambler to another. I am on 300 Plus days and I feel your pain. Keep going.

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Posted : 1st October 2019 6:36 pm
paulds
(@paulds)

Congratulations on 6 months it is a huge achievement. Sometimes we expect different kinds of feelings.

Do call a helpline, they will not be judgemental.

 

Paulds

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Posted : 1st October 2019 8:33 pm
DramaLlama
(@dramallama)

I hear you. That little "but" is your thinking, not the helpline peoples. You will be heard and understood. Give them a chance. Give yourself a chance. Noone should be alone with that kind of thinking. I hope you reach out and talk to someone. You deserve the support. You've done so well. I am proud of you. 

Take care. 

Drama x

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Posted : 1st October 2019 9:49 pm
Joydivider
(@joydivider)

Hi LouLou.

I gambled because I have been mildly to clinically depressed on and off all my life. I gambled because I was lonely and thought I would never find a love that seemed real. I was generally bored because thats a symptom of depression and emptiness

I gambled because I felt unworthy. I gambled because I had bad memories about being bullied at school and all the rubbish jobs I never should have done.

I gambled because of all the backstabbing work environments I have been in where I was not valued and had no career.

I gambled because Ive been cheated on and what should have been the love of my life didnt really care about me.

I gambled because I lost all motivation and ended up unemployed with no direction

Gambling was NEVER the answer to how I was feeling. It was an escape fix from  my pain. I ended up actually wanting to punish myself and my counsellor sees my gambling as a deliberate self harming process.

We never said that being gamble free suddenly whisks you to the land of mik and honey. What it should do is give some calmness and even serenity that its under control so you can look at your life and who you are.

Surely you must realise that gambling only added to your troubles by ruining your finances. What would gambling now really soothe and escape you from?

Mental health is a difficult one. I know about feeling down so Im not going to give you any twee advice about the simple pleasures in life. I think we can all focus on how harmful gambling is and make gradual changes to improve our lives and feel more content

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

This post was modified 2 months ago 2 times by Joydivider
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Posted : 1st October 2019 10:04 pm
S.A
 S.A
(@s-687)

Hi Loulou... your doing really well.

No gambling for 6 months despite feeling like pants. I take my hat off to you. 🙂

As Joydivider so powerfully says, gambling is a reaction to life and how we feel about ourselves. When in action we have temporary relief and then when the action finishes our "pain" returns together with all the new problems that we have just created.

Difficult feelings will pass. Your ok 🙂

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Posted : 2nd October 2019 8:50 am
freda
(@freda)

Hi LouLou,

Society is a challenging environment at the moment. I think of it as pain pinball. A lot of people scurrying about trying to get through the day, sometimes banging into each other and getting bruises.

I can relate to feeling that things are a slog, at times. I think radical self-acceptance always helps. Stuff how you're "supposed" to feel. You feel how you feel. 

You're doing just great.

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Posted : 2nd October 2019 10:54 am
richardlost
(@richardlost)

i hope to reach 6 months gf i am close to 1 week hang on in there you will always find a reason to go on this is the way of life i go through it every day myself

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Posted : 2nd October 2019 8:00 pm
Cliffords-had-enough
(@cliffords-had-enough)

Hey Joyrider,

You just copied and pasted my life story...(??)

Depression is behind so many addictions...

And it is true that getting clean and quitting any or all addictions does not guarantee eternal life and boundless happiness.

But being in control of our lives and futures might give us a degree of pride, self-respect and esteem that does make even a crappy life worth living...

It is ok not to feel ok. 

You really do not know what amazing things could be just round the corner, and there is never a reason to jump back into the toilet we have crawled out of and pull the chain...

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Posted : 2nd October 2019 11:45 pm
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Admin

Dear @loulou,

please never feel that you have nowhere to turn to, that people won't take you seriously when you are feeling low and suicidal. Please always make sure to call the mental health services if you are feeling unsafe.

I am really hoping that being back to work is going to help you with your mental health. 

I am also hoping that you are feeling in a slightly better frame of mind today.

Please keep posting and reaching out.

Wishing you all the best,

 

Forum Admin

 

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Posted : 3rd October 2019 1:46 am
Loulou
(@loulou)

Thankyou all for taking the time to  reply, i think sleep would help right now but I just keep waking up I'm so drained ..about 6 months ago if I was awake at this time I would be on the gambling sites but gamstop is in place and preventing that now.

wishing you all luck with your gambling recovery 

 

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Posted : 3rd October 2019 2:44 am
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