I've been stopping gambling for possibly the past 10 years, I have stopped 100s of times during that period, sometimes for a few days or weeks but never honestly really stopped at all, just took a break after a huge loss mainly due to lack of funds to keep going. It is easy to keep the odd account open 'just incase' you magically wake up and aren't a CG anymore, who was i kidding right ? GamBan too scary to face? What if i wanted it for some random reason other than to CG, no the only reason i kept them was to keep the path clear to gamble as much as i can. I've faced the fact i cannot control my gambling, so i have to put blocks in place which work for ME after the usual day of losing my bank balance and end up with the dreaded post loss feelings.
With the new UKGC rules and regulations a lot of online companies have placed restrictions on me, demanded all sorts of documents, bank statements, proof of earnings etc, I knew it was coming due to my erratic gambling so I have lost of accounts this past year as i can't prove to them i gamble responsibly because i don't, i lose more than i can afford and suffer as a result. The more accounts got closed the more I'd try and open, today one account i have (now had) allowed me to deposit a months salary within an hour, I can't blame them, its me who's doing it, not that i didnt know before but today i literally have to stop, i have to act i cannot go into another year like this, another 12 months of misery, stress and anxiety.
I came onto GAMCARE and spoke to an advisor, which i had done previously a few times, not that they could tell me anything different or anything i dont know but i wanted to talk to someone, tell them what id done and just hear i could be helped., i wasnt a lost cause. I am signed up to the GamChange program.
Since then I've closed pretty much all my online accounts, most of them already has restrictions on, limits etc so why did i keep them open ? Well today they are gone with no way of getting them back. If i was to have a relapse which i have had many many times thus i think i'd properly have again, i have no way of depositing huge sums of money, i have no way of losing all my bank balance. Thinking about the realisation of this, i can't deposit huge sums of money, i can't play for hours is scary, its daunting but its needed. If i want to have £5 on the football or horses on a weekend i can but that's it, i can't deposit anymore until the following week, the max limits i have available any any site is £25 a month loss. Without trying to find a site ive never used etc i have no way as i write this to lose more than £25 a month. I also have no desire to deposit £5, it doesn't appeal to me, the thrill isn't there.
I know Gamban is a massive tool to help a lot of people but ive gambled a long time, there isnt many if any accounts i havent had and closed already, even with Gamban if i wanted to find a site to play i could so for me my way above is my best way forward. It still gives me a bit of control, control i need to help beat this.
I have made plans financially going forward to transfer the bulk of my money to someone, they dont know why they don't need to know, its there when i want it but if i stick to all the budgeting in effect im sending it t them as a savings process.
I know alot of people will find things work better for them and maybe my way isnt the best way but it is for me right now, Nothing has ever worked before so i have to allow myself time to adapt and figure out what will work. This is not advise, this ist a magic solution this is just me opening up and even if no one reads or comments it still helps me.
I intend to keep my thread updated, daily if possible, it will be honest, no point in anything other.
Lets hope i can get to 2022 in a better place with my blocks and 2022 is the year i finally beat this dangerous illness. I will give it my all.
Peace
Hi Aston,
Thanks and well done for posting on the forum .
Your post is very open and honest and i'm sure that people will really relate to it. Recovery is a journey and there's going to be relapses and blips a long the way , it's all about acceptance.
Regarding the inevitable stress and anxiety that goes hand in hand with compulsive gambling it is important to use great self care techniques , access all the support you can and speak to your GP if needed about this.
Good that you have strategies and blocks in place and that you are speaking to people regarding debt and finances.
Step change on 0800 138 1111 may be good to speak to. They offer advice on debt and money issues ,
Please feel free to contact the GamCare Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or Netline to explore the additional support available to you. We are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week if you would like to talk to one of the GamCare HelpLine advisers.
All the best with your recovery , all you can do is take it one day at a time.
Kirk
Forum Admin
Hi Aston mate, welcome firstly, great first post you've clearly put a lot of thought into this. I had the similar problem years ago of wanting to quit so closing accounts down but months later I'd open a new different account and the cycle would start again..... But nowadays it's much easier as you can join gamstop which only takes a couple of mins then all ur online accounts get closed for u (money in accounts refunded too) no need to do anything!!!!! Then u can't open a new account online for the period u chose I chose five years maximum .... Then even when it hits the five years it continues to work untill u phone them after the period ends to say u want to end the exclusion!!!! And by then who knows you may be Soo happy about quiting that you don't want to gamble anymore so sign up for another five years....
Also transferring money after bills to a loved one has worked for me for five years so far so well done on that decision
All the best c u on chat adam
Hi Aston,
Well done on recognising that you have an issue with gambling and taking action to rectify it. I can relate a lot to what you have said in your post. I have thought a lot about what you intend on doing to wean yourself off gambling. By putting a limit on what you can lose or deposit sounds really good in theory, especially when it is the "paltry" sum of £25 per month - less than a takeaway for two people.
However (and this is where I have spent a lot of time agonising over this), if you keep that door ajar, even slightly, it could come back to haunt you down the line. Put it this way, why do we get into gambling initially - it's to win money right? At the start of everyone's gambling journey, the aim is to win money. You either think you know a bit about sport and think you can make a few quid or you just want to throw a few bob on an accumulator, but it's in the hope of maximising your returns. As our gambling evolves, it becomes less about the money, and more about the sheer involvment - we "need" to gamble. The fear of missing out on an event or a price makes us overgamble and we lose a lot of money. The same can be said for the slots, poker, roulette, etc etc, if we're not in we can't win, plain and simple.
So I guess my point is this - if after all over the money you have lost, and all of the time, perhaps relationships also which have been affected in your time as a gambler, if you still want to hold onto that paltry deposit/max lose amount, perhaps you have reached the point that I did, which is the realisation that it is no longer about the money, it is about something outside of that - an escape perhaps, a destresser of some kind whatever, but that's the issues you are going to have to tackle.
When I stopped gambling I did the exact same as you, I closed all accounts except for the odd one which had a remaining balance and I removed all the card details from it so I couldn't deposit anything further. I started gambling in 10c stakes rather than the £50/£100 stakes I had been doing the previous ten years and I thought that I had found a compromise to suit everyone - I could still gamble, albeit for far smaller stakes, and because I had no way to put more money in the account, I would never put my family in financial stress again. Win - Win right? But what I found was that I was still following the sporting events that I was staking 10c on as much as the ones when I was staking a lot more. Gambling was taking my time rather than money. Previously it was both, now it was just time. I had to correct that as I was basically the same person, just not losing hundreds of pounds every month.
Anyway apologies if I have inferred anything incorrectly from your post, I just thought I could relate to you trying to minimise the monetary effect gambling could have on you, but while still keeping some avenues open. I hope 2022 really is your year.
Cheers, Happy
Thanks for the responses, really appreciate them more than you realise.
Ive been reading other posts this last few days, to see what advise and knowledge i can pick up and i think i have to adjust my plans and blocks.
I said from the start about being honest and open so i am going to describe what happened since my first post on Friday and summarise where i am now and what i hope to achieve this next week.
After i had my big loss on Friday i closed my accounts leaving the one with the £5 deposit weekly limit open, i thought this would be the best way of saving me from being trapped and try to retain some control. Well Saturday was tough, really tough, horses, football etc my usual Saturday would be filled with gambling so to take that away i found really hard, i got very depressed and low, i used a couple of free bets i had in my account for the football (no deposits so my mind tells me this isn't gambling ? not sure about that being true) i did all the free comps too, the ones that are free to enter sure you know the ones just to keep me entertained, anyway long story short i got thru the day, no deposits but via those free bets id got a small amount in my account, so later that night i played slots and lost but then i had no way of depositing but my addiction was full tilt so i googled everywhere to find an account id not had to play again, it was really difficult as id self excluded from 90% of UK accounts. Of course i found one, i wanted to win back the money i had lost (even tho the money i had was free as i got it for nothing so in theory i hadn't even lost it) anyway 5 or 6 deposits later id lost a huge sum but managed to win it back plus a bit more, did i cash out ? No i kept going and going until i lost it all, 5am and im sat here on chat to an advisor back to square one just over 24 hours since my first contact and commitment to stopping. Lesion learnt from this ? Once you stop, that has to be it, a fiver or even a pound loss even if its a free bet my compulsive gambler in me won't allow me to walk away. The Gamcare advisor so so helpful, as always, we discussed various things and i again had the belief i can stop and become GF.
Since Saturday evening ive self excluded from the fiver limit account and the one i created. I researched the banking block but my bank doesn't support so have set myself the task of opening a new account that does block gambling transction, just a back up block. Ive also now set up the standing order to come out my bank to a families account on payday leaving enough money for bills and a small amount for the odd drink or whatevrr i might wan from the shops which i think its best i draw out in cash and put in a tin, again a block of not falling into gambling online if i ever found a way.
Sunday and Monday i have found hard, no gambling, no accounts, still have my eye on racing results and that but i hope the interest will dwindle the longer i go without having a bet.
Early days, but 2 days is a start, i hope to update later in the week with my feelings and progress.
Peace
Hi,
you sound very similar to me in that I would open a new account when I had an urge to gamble-no matter what limits I would set I would always find a way to by pass them. I haven’t gambled since 5th November now but and that is down to me blocking gambling transactions on my banking apps-I know without this in place I would have (got an urge last night!)
if your bank doesn’t support it get a natwest or monzo account and close your others. Hands down best thing Iv ever done. There is no papaerwork, no need to speak with the bank, it’s a simple toggle that you press which will stop you when you get those cravings.
good luck going forward, sounds like you are making great progress!
Hi Aston, a few days since u posted? If your struggling a lot it's very normal mate...... Just keep going.,. You're getting the right blocks in if u stumble and one block doesn't work continue untill u get the right plan for you..... It took me two years on here to get it just right.
All the best
Adam
Sorry for the slow updates, nothing disastrous I had the old booster jab and it knocked me about for a few days so been sleeping a fair bit.
Its all been positive since my last update, i have done 2 modules of the GamCare course and have found it invaluable, one of the biggest things to come out of it so far was the finance module, when you sit and work out all your losses over a month its quite shocking, all i saw was the £20/£50/£100 deposits but then when you think how many times you'd done that over a month and then how much that is a year is well frightening. Literally a year of saving those loses would sort all my finance issues, so that's my first target, 12 months to get all my finances in order then to set a new target of saving etc. A months loss on gambling would go along way in sorting debts etc.
I now have my new bank account open which blocks gambling transactions, if anyone needs this id recommend Halifax, quite simple when your all set up in the online banking app you can manage your card and select the block Gambling part, another safety net block now in place.
In terms of gambling I've still not gambled since my last post, weekend was hard still, Saturdays was always the big gambling day but this one seemed easier than the last and throughout the week my thoughts of gambling seem to have dwindled, it'd dawn on me at times that i hadn't even thought about it all day, not checked the results etc The urges are certainly less than they were last week altho at times they are still there im sure they always will be.
Ive been getting into Podcasts to fill voids (if your a footy fan the Ben Foster Fozcast is awesome) also watching a lot of Youtube content just to the fill the time an it really helps before you know it a few hours has passed and its filled that void of having nothing to do. Weather prevents much of outside activity but soon as i can i'll be out for a walk to kill the time.
I try to get on the Gamcare group chat daily when i can, the community vide and support in there is fantastic, talking to people who have been there and done it is priceless imo. A routine and just that reminder that the issues is still there and still very real, helps keep me in check and not run before i can walk. I wont name names but thank you to those who make a difference to me!
Now 10 days GF and it feels very good tbh i feel alot brighter and alot happier in myself.
Payday is round the corner which will be the biggest hurdle to overcome, not having been paid since i stopped in a way has made it easier as i dont have much funds to tempt me but that will change in a couple of weeks so blocks will be the key!
Been a busy last week away from gambling related topics, work is crazy busy and what not so been a week already since my last post. Time flies, flies quicker without gambling i must admit, if that's because after a huge loss your always waiting on payday or having daily stress about money etc and now that has been eased with the stopping of gambling times sees to be flying by, im not sat around gambling for hours and hours, i always wondered how id fill the void but ive found gambling created the void in my life, took me away from my friends and away from doing things i love and enjoy.
I have to say my overall mood is so much better even after this short space of time, i socialize more, i want to be up and about more not just staying in feeing miserable always thinking of gambling. The urges are becoming less frequent and my interest is less each day.
3 modules down of the Gamcare course, finding it really helpful to talk about even in my own head what gambling does to you and those around you. I really do recommend this to anyone struggling, you may think its for you but i found it very helpful to face unto what problems gambling cause and how it effected me without even realizing it.
17 days gamble free now and yes im proud of myself its the longest ive ever gone by a mile and this is just the start, big tests to come with payday and Christmas!!!
Well-done mate, excellent post, goes to show the positivity that will come from stopping ...... All the best adam
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