Few days since I last posted, mainly due to how low I've been feeling up to the weekend. Very dark thoughts have entered my mind and Thursday night I was very down and posted on a whatsapp group that I'd had a good life and wouldn't mind if it ended!!!!! Friends posted back thru the night on Thursday and Friday and some organised to meet me Saturday morning for a coffee (one drove over from hove and one rode over from Crawley). Really perked up my mode then today my sister came over from Shoreham with my nephews and nice and we flew kites and drove remote control cars. Although I didn't feel like leaving the house today I did and I think its good to get the air. Early night now for work tomo... Night
Another couple of days of work done, hospital is much busier so that's good just with less staff people are gonna get more stressed. Some colleagues who have been on furlough have been coming back. Things are changing now at work and who knows whether we will go back to normality. I have been feeling better this week not one hundred percent but better. One thing that is helping is that I get a half hour break at work now for lunch so I can sit down for a bit and take it easy. Going to go for a record low of spending this year, lockdown has definetly helped my finances, so far since start of April I've spent 95 pounds after bills. Last year is spent 1700 think it was 144 a month which was a great improvement in year before and I spent 144 on gambling. This year so far so good not a penny on gambling. Don't think I'm going to go back to going to the gym for another six months, just wait for all restrictions to ease again.
Looking at my past finances i was earning 16k after tax in 2016 and i saved 5800 that year which was basically all payments for my mortgage. Last year i earnt 11k no tax and saved 11k. Im able to do this because i live with my folks. I'm not able to get much credit for a mortgage as i earn soo little but this does mean however that i can't get into too much debt or get into trouble. A friend of mine earns a lot as he is a finance director, he has just bought a house for 650k and owns another one that he rents to a friend. He has assets currently of 1million but debt of 700k so 300k+ equity, this is good for him as he has a very nice home to live in, but should house prices fall significantly, or he got made redundant then he would be in a lot of trouble. So what im saying is it doesnt matter what you earn, you can make the most of it, live sensibly and have less worries. There are a lot of disadvantages to me living with my folks main one being independence, i get on with my folks but being independent i think would be nice. However the grass is allways greener and i dont know how i would get on on my own. With this in mind i might just stay with my folks for a while longer (if they will have me lol).
I've had a nice weekend, as usual it flew by, i went for a coffee yesturday with a friend, then sat in the garden today, listened to spurs beat arsenal which is a great result for us.
I've been feeling down for three weeks now, i've gone thru loss of sleep and my work has suffered as a result. I'm making mistakes with what im talking to collegues at work about (regarding my health). I'm currently on a week off work and need to rest up and go back refreshed and with a better attitude. With this rest in mind im going to take a break from Gamcare for a while........When things are going better i will return. adamxxxx
Well i've had a six day break from gamcare and im back. I just had a week off work and am back to work tomo.....Although its the end of a holiday i feel i had a nice break from thoughts of work and have rested and sat in the sun a lot. I've seen some friends and family and feel rested. I've also caught up fully on my sleep and watched a lot of netflix which has been great.
I feel if i can get to october gamble free i will be in the home straight of the year then 2nd december i will hit the year mark. I do however feel that a year gambe free will not change anything i'm just happy to be in such a good position that im in now.
Really really can't wait to hit the year mark, I know I'm gonna get there and I know it won't change anything but just want to be sitting back toasting to a successful year. Everyday adds to it and I'm pleased I've got soo far.... Work is going better this week, I'm getting a lot done and when I came back there were a lot of things that weren't done in my absence which needed to be done and made me feel needed. Finishing at two pm on Friday and will meet with a friend for a coffee....then Saturday hoping for sun to hit the beach..... Then rest Sunday and back to it Monday....
Hello diary, really feel like im back to a better place. I went to the beach with mum, dad, sister, brother in law, nephews and niece. We went into the sea and paddled, the first time ive been in the sea for years. It really was nice. Then came back and watched the football, i have a friend who supports arsenal and he's had a terrible time of late and has lost his job so i'm glad arsenal won to cheer him up. I have been trying really hard at work and hoping that will tell in my mid year review coming up. Was thinking this week that i would like a drink to release some stress levels at a weekend but honestly today has shown me that i don't, stress levels reduce on their own, and it helps to have a good environment and company. All the best all 2020 objectives in tact roll on december!
Hello diary, I've had another mental relapse which started last Saturday. Now it was nott brought on by alcohol, gambling or work stress. It was brought on by my medication not being ordered on time by my practitioner. As a result I got voices and fully believed what was being said which made me scared and not able to sleep, when I went to close my eyes the voices would say wake up!! Not what you want at all. So I didn't sleep Saturday or Sunday so had Monday off work and Wednesday and Thursday. Times like this really make me appreciate my health and make me want to do everything to lose weight, eat healthy and get some decent hours sleep. Went to the beach again today was really nice. Looking forward to another holiday week
Very proud of you Adam and inspired by your courage and resilience.
Whatever difficulties come your way you stand proud and resolute in the face of adversity.
I feel happy, honoured and humbled to be sharing this road with a gallant warrior like your good self.
Wishing you every happiness today and forever.
Respect from Stephen.