137 days without gambling.

Today will mark 137 days GF for me.

Im not sure that I ever thought that I would see this whilst I was caught up in the whirlwind of gambling, although I craved that I would be caught out just So that I could come clean as it felt like it was gripping me and I was trapped.

In my case some of my family knew about my issue and I had come clean years previous when I was around 18 and I’m 28 now nearly 29, and on those occasions I’d begged for help and promised not to do it again but left the doors open I.e keeping control of my money and still being secretive.

For me 10 years of stress and I’d had enough I’ve got a wonderful partner who is due our first child imminently and I love her very much and she is my rock and always will be. It came to a head in January where I was stuck, she had no idea what was going on and my family neither as they didn’t know about the long relapse as I’d kept it secret by getting to the mail before anyone else and lying about where I was going.

I had to come clean at that point which I was terrified about but relieved, terrified about possible repercussions that may happen but relieved as whatever happened at least it was out there and I could get support from someone.

My partner was horrified at first and just didn’t understand, there was a lot of anger and hurt and I had to sit through a very painful conversation which I didn’t know which way it would go, that being said at the end of it she said she loved me and wanted to help and has been behind me 100%, we worked out what needs paying and we are gradually working out way out of it whilst being able to do nice things or we will be able to once lockdown is over.

She safeguards the money as I send her what’s left after bills every month which has enabled us to save a considerable amount of money since January. I’m still trusted to take her bank card to the shop and get us what we need and I provide receipts which now has become a bit of a habit for me as I want to be upfront and honest. At the minute the money system works for us and I don’t see a need for it to change really.

Through this forum I was put in touch with a counsellor which I had phone appointments for 10 weeks, I can honestly say that they were a massive help and I was able to get my head around things and get straight. I used a self exclusion scheme for internet gambling and one for bookmakers and casinos.

I can honestly say I’ve never taken so much pleasure and joy from the little things in life and I enjoy the easy life and being able to just be happy.

If there’s any advice that I can give to people it would be to tell the people close to you and to give up financial control.

Cheers

Nico