Why can't I learn??

Hi Alkynat, is your username a clue? Most of my gambling was done due to my drinking too.

If you've come here to get responses like: "oh poor you, it's not your fault, you are suffering from an addiction, chin up, keep trying, you have no personal responsibility because you are suffering from an illness, etc". IF that's why you've come here then please ask Gamcare to delete my post.

If however, you are sincerely asking "why did I do it?". I think you need to be honest with yourself. You wanted the short term buzz/hit of feeling good. 

You wanted the "free money" which you felt was due to you having lost so much in the past. It must surely now be your turn to get some payback? Greed.

Not a fashionable view around this parish, but yes, a greed for more money than you currently had. 

You'll get responses about what an illness this is and if only you'd do some research you'll get a 'born again moment' and realise how sick you are.

I'm not so sure.

You got greedy.

You lost.

Can you, hand on heart, honestly say if you'd won x1000 more than you'd ever dreamed possible after your £50 chase that you'd have logged on to Gamcare and started asking why you compulsively gamble? Would you?

I'll bet you that 50 you wouldn't, because you'd be out in the real world feeling cocky and justified and "don't hit me up with 'negative vibes thank you very much' etc!

Accept that there is something missing in your life. Analyse what it is. Move forward.

Best advice I can give.

I'll now step aside to allow the usual platitude posters to take over.

Be well,

Friedkin

Hi Friedkin thanks for responding. 

For your first question,  no I dont really drink, my username is an old nickname that I had in my late teens as I was always last one standing after a heavy night drinking. It just kind of stuck. Fast forward 20 odd years and I have children and barely have a glass at xmas. So I definitely cannot blame alcohol for my issues...

I didn't come on here for anything other than to voice my anger/disappointment/frustration at my stupidity because I can't openly talk about it with family and friends and writing it down, putting it out there lifts just a little of the load.

I dont get a buzz from gambling,  that ended many years ago. I put a post on here a while back detailing just how awful the actual act of gambling feels for me. (It gets more and more farcical that I'm actually doing it?!)

I was chasing "free money " that was right, except I knew deep down there would be no money and I did it anyways (again facepalm).

I know my real demons and I know to some extent what I am hiding from when I gamble. My mental health and gambling are very much entwined. (The mental health battles started long before the gambling)... recent events have led to a mental health dip and thus the urge to gamble jumped in and here I am, mental health worse than before, financial situation dire and am back to lying and hiding things. I take 100% responsibility for this I know it's me who has done it... there is no making me feel better about this situation,  I just needed to vent.

Sorry Nat for jumping to conclusions about your username - it's my issue, in that I've not gambled for about 7 years now after nearly destroying my life. (Well, that's not strictly true - I had a one-night show-stopping massive roulette meltdown in 2015, but touchwood that seems to have been a one-off).

100% for me it was linked to my mental health - anxiety and a general depression. I'm still boozing myself into an early grave at the drop of a hat when I get a day off work, but I'm aware of it and doing my best to keep it real and moderate it. Thankfully gambling is no longer an impulse.

May I suggest, based only on what worked for me with gambling, is that professional private talking therapy is unbelievably helpful. Not the NHS mental health "cure all" of CBT, but proper Therapy, with a therapist you connect with and trust. For me it was the only way. 

Everything else is just moaning online.

I sincerely wish you all the best,

Friedkin xx

Thanks Friedkin, Sorry to hear your battle continues.  I have OCD and depression,  I  'manage' it to some extent but soon as there is an unexpected event that is overwhelming,  I slip and then I seek the gamble to switch my focus from the inner turmoil in my mind... in to new turmoils!! (Its exasperating)

I think therapy is going to be the only way as I think that even if I stopped the gambling I would replace it with something else.

Hey there. One thing you are not is stupid. It goes deep inside you. Depression and unhappiness can drive people to want to change the way they feel and their lives. That is why people drink and take drugs. Most addictions are driven by unhappiness and even in some cases a subconscious death wish. Like Russian roulette, win all or lose all in one spin... 

And it is not about 'Why can't I learn?' , because you all ready know.  It is about changing the way you think and feel so life is positive and constructive...

And yes, therapy is a good idea. I have never met anyone who didn't/wouldn't benefit from that kind of help and support...

Look up SMART as well. Self Management And Recovery Training. It is designed for dealing with addictions and there are groups all over the country to go to...

Good luck

Thanks Clifford. New day tomorrow and start again.