Feel like wasted my life
Hi all, after reading up a lot of stories think it will help me to share mine.
Im an addict, there is not going around it. Im 30 year old who got nothing to show right now - no house, no car, after splitting with my ex half a year ago got limited time seeing my 1 year old son. We have split because she found out i was gambling again and again even after i was promising i will stop. Even signing to gamstop didn’t help as was still going to bookies or having a friend sign up and was playing on his account.
Maybe lets start from beginning. I have started visiting local bookies since i was 16, obviously at the time I didn’t have any income so it was purely for fun a parlay every weekend. Never won big or anything but never lost a lot as i was literally betting for maybe 5-20 quid a week.
Years went by and i moved out of house when i was 20 and started my first job - I remember how excited i was to see money coming in and week after week i could save up up to 50-100 pound thats when i did sign up online first time. And it only wemt downhill simce then. Pretty much every weekend was depositing around 50-100 pound and occasionally maybe won just to blow it again. Looking at this now i wasnt dven chasing big money just the rush of watching game or following score and the adrenaline i got it from this.
Years going by and nothing changes but now in my mind its not even worth betting for 5-10 pound as it dont give me a pleasure to win 20 back. It mist be 50-100 pound per bet for me to be interested in this, when i had no money i have turned to getting overdraft. Moment i applied for 1000 pound overdraft i felt as its “free” money i can surely double up, ended up with -1000 on my account after first week or two and was applying more and more overdraft on my account until i was refused.
Having now -3000 pound in my bank account i have turned into payday loans and credit cards. Over next 2-3 years ive pretty much taken every possible payday loan and was paying ridiculous amount monthly as interest. St one point i was paying over 1000 pound a month just to try and clear my debts all in meantime when i met my missuis. She had no idea about my finances or that i was a gambler.
After a year together she dod catch me when one of providers did call me to inform im behind my payments. Ive told her everything and that im pretty much around 12k in debt while we had baby on the way ! She was shocked as all our future plans were ruined. Somehow she did forgive me and our little baby was my real motivation to get me straight. One of my family member offered me help when i came clean to pay all of my debts snd i will pay him off monthly.
That literally saved my life as interest was creeping up on me. I was gamble free for 6 months and first time in years my account was above 0 after all bills came out. Now come to a year ago dont know why but just went in to local bookie for a cheeky bet - and that was it, like a hook all i could think off was an excuse to go town on my own so i could lie to my girlfriend and just waste more money by betting. Thankfully she found out what i was up to and it did break her heart- im saying thankfully because as much as i love her she deserves to be with someone better then me who is just wasting all that money.
Ive decided ot will be better if im out of picture for everyone, i do care about my little son as he is my world but i cant ruin everyones life because of my addiction.
And here i am on my own, still paying off my fsmily member but now because there wasnt anyone to control ive wasted around 8000 pounds in 3 months after we broke up - and how did i get those 8000? Yup, payday losns, credit cards and overdraft same old story but this time it did all catch up to me where I couldn’t afford all repayments monthly.
Ive done my first step to salvation by contacting debt management company and they were my life saviors. All my debts are managed by them and that 8000 pound i will be paying off by 350 pound monthly instalments for at least another 2-2,5 years but the payment is now manageable. Because it is manageable i started gambling here and there once again from money i had left over after my paycheck but something changed recently. I had a night or two when i was drinking and feeling sorry for myself but had a talk with myself snd said its not the end. Im gamble free now 3rd day and got my saving schedule in place.
After takimg every bill and payment im still left with 500 pound a month - decided that from next month i will be living frugal life when i will try to survive on 200 quid a month so can save up 300 per month. All that so i can move out to my own flat and have a better life fof myself and my son! Got my goal set up month by month abd this time im sticking to it. If im tempted by betting i ask myself one question now. When did betting done any good to me?
I know not many ppl will probably read through it all but it was therapeutic to write it all down. I do hope i can be strong and manage this addiction.
I hear you, and I understand.
Thank you for your post, by sharing your experience, so many people here including myself can most certainly understand what you are going through. Unfortunately many of us have had to hit rock bottom before we realize that we are powerless over gambling, and our lives have become unmanageable.
I am so sorry for everything you have been through, but I'm pleased you have reached out for help.
You are not alone and you are not a bad person because of your situation; compulsive gambling is an illness and as you know it can cause destruction on many aspects of our lives.
Please continue to seek help; log on here when you can, Have you considered attending GA meetings? Obviously your emotions are going to be raw at the moment, but please try to take a deep breath, and try to accept the financial losses, it's gone. it's difficult I know. But money will come and go through-out your life,
I speak from experience of having lost approximately 150K through gambling throughout my life. I am now 2 years and 9 months gamble free.
There is hope, you can change your life to be free of gambling.
I am a compulsive gambler... In recovery.
It sounds like you have reached a turning point in your life… that’s great.
It is so easy to bury our heads in the sand when we get in debt through gambling, however, you have taken responsibility for your actions, and made a plan to sort out your debts. Well done and full respect to you for that.
You mention that you’re at the stage where you don’t care about the gambling or the thrill of betting no more; that’s good to hear. Having said that it does sound like you have been gambling for many years, so just be prepared for the ‘urge’ or ‘need’ to gamble, should it arise.
Two plus years will fly by, and like you say there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Do keep logging in here, as it helps to be able to share your feelings and problems. If you ever feel the need, I would highly recommend attending GA meetings. For me personally I wouldn’t have been successful in remaining gamble free without them… but that’s just my own experience.
I wish you the very best and every success in your life.
Thank you for kind words Pete. Still gamble free on day 5 and still going strong. For a change i know what my bank account is and for a change its not going lower and lower every day, instead it will go up every month.
i understand its a long game im in now so just taking day at a time. If i will feel weak i will make sure to re read my post again and if i will look for a thrill i will book ski jumping off plane rather then gamble - be much cheaper 😜
Parts of your story are similar to mine. Gambling, credit cards, payday loans, overdrafts. Finally couldn’t afford the interest.
I signed up to StepChange the debt charity 2 years ago this month. As you say, lifesavers. The moment I actually wrote down the full amount, realising it was £24k, was a shock and to be honest was the most shameful moment of my life. I think I was lying to myself about how bad it had gotten.
It may feel like it’s a long way off for you now but trust me when I say it goes by quite quickly. My final monthly payment will be December 1st.
At the start I felt hopeless but just remember that it’s the right decision.