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Thought processes to help stop thinking about the losses  

 
trevs
(@trevs)

Hi all,

I just wondered how many of you cope/handle the losses, whether that be the big losses or the last loss that made you stop.

How do you process it? How did you change your state of mind to accept the loss and move on?

How did you stop thinking about “if only I had walked away then” or “if only I hadnt done that” or “if only that result had come in” etc. 

Its like a constant loop in my mind at times and I have read some really interesting thought processes in the past on other peoples posts but was hoping to have one post with lots of different perspectives on this particular thing. 

Thank you. 

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Posted : 18th October 2020 9:31 am
c17ort
(@c17ort)

I totally understand what you are saying. I lost 4K yesterday on Blackjack & it ruined my whole day obviously. 
I was distant with my partner, moody, my head felt totally lost & I just felt as though I was just floating through time totally lost. 

It’s not about the money I lose, it’s more of the thought of if I quit how much I will miss placing that bet 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 18th October 2020 10:30 am
Joydivider
(@joydivider)

Hi Trevs and Welcome.

There comes a point where you have to draw a line under it and move on. You simply have to in order to enter a full recovery. Otherwise it will eat you up and relapses are almost certain

There are quite a few thought processes which must take you gently to the point that it was only money. You are better than that and you don't need gambling in your life. That thought alone is priceless.

Yes its initially painful but your mental health and your future gamble free is more important. The clean new money that you are going to start earning and looking after is more important,

It eases as you let it go and reinforce your healthy mind. its NOT a get it back later scheme and its not an income scheme. Its nothing to do with a plan or a scheme because its a random event stacked well against you

We got hooked on the drug of the activity which is an extremely powerful, primordial drug in our system.

You are fortunate to be seeing the light now and not later. Thats the way you have to look at it. Its not an if only...thats what you did without any control on those odds. They had you the minute they tempted you. What were they offering you?...life changing odds on a no brainer decision...No that was never on offer!

You are going to have to figure out that some have more money than  you and some people have less but gambling is not the answer. Ive seen footballers spend my life savings on one party... well on a cake or two! Yet a huge amount of the worlds population live on a dollar or so a day...you deal with your place in life and realise that gambling is NOT there to give you an easy life..its the other way round

It makes the government and the gambling dens huge amounts of money and its really a drug to control us in a capitalist system...keep working nose to the grindstone but "it could be you"...know what I mean?

For reasons we all know about it remains legal so you cant bang on a door and ask for your money back. Part of me thinks we should be able to because were were duped and a drug was pushed upon us.

How we we have you face full reponsibility and take a real pride in a healthy recovery. Reality check after reality check is what you need so talk to non gamblers about it. Focusing bit by bit and it becomes much clearer what the gambling on offer to you really is. I simply associate it with sadness and misery now...not because Im a bitter loser  ...because its the truth about the whole scam!

If you gambled over a period of time...did things get any better...so focus on the pattern and the fact thats its a progressive addiction and illness.

Its not a cleverness or idiocy issue. I am intelligent in many areas but gambling was simply a drug of escape for me.

So the pain does ease and the mists of time fade it away...turn it into a positive memory never to be complacent again.

Being gamble free is a good feeling!

Best wishes from everyone on the forum 

 

This post was modified 1 week ago by Joydivider
ReplyQuote
Posted : 18th October 2020 10:38 am
trevs
(@trevs)

That is an excellent reply. Thank you. 
Much to think about there. 

I also wonder whether people buy themselves a momento to mark the day they stopped gambling. Something as a reminder? Something to help stop them doing it again?

ReplyQuote
Posted : 18th October 2020 11:34 am
Joydivider
(@joydivider)

Cheers!

No just buy yourself something nice and affordable that you kept putting off. ask yourself what you were doing without and treat yourself.. An item or experience.......doesnt have to be too pricey...choose well.. enjoy it and smile

Let that be the start of a new relationship with items you enjoy using, what you actually need and dont need.

Its a complex addiction and you have to start again by learning a pound is a pound

Mr Miyagi...."rub on.....rub off"  if you get the reference.

You can think of the day you stopped but I will never write a success story because I will never be complacent again.  I have done well though and you will also heal

All the best

This post was modified 1 week ago by Joydivider
ReplyQuote
Posted : 18th October 2020 1:33 pm
amyo2119
(@amyo2119)

This is a brilliant reply I have just joined after years of gambling but the last few month have been so much worse and decided just 3 days ago I need and want to stop this really helped me thank you 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 18th October 2020 8:08 pm
Joydivider
(@joydivider)

Great! 

"Wax On.... Wax Off " Lol I meant because there is an ultimate pride and serenity in starting as a keen pupil willing to learn about strength in recovery.

Its a good metaphor and popular reference for trusting and learning skills from a mentor...starting with and perfecting the basic foundations

I was very ill with an addiction. I needed the cold turkey...I went through all the emotions and I found a serenity and a pride in being gamble free.

The pride in the basics before developing a healthy mind again. A healthy mind that will question why I was vunerable and never be complacent about it again.

I know why I was vunerable and I was searching for false idols. beliefs or escapes by using drugs...the drug I turned to was gambling...that was the one that appealed to me over all others...partly because the total delusion seemed "clever" to be trying to make money in that way

I was actually searching for escape and giving up on life...thats the truth and its hard to bear until I became stronger and realised I had to overcome that and search for the simple pleasures and options in life. 

Jealousy self pity, bitterness, apathy, resentment and a mild ever present anger had been eating me up. Its no wonder I turned to something to forget that for a short while.

I was a mess and I needed healing. Abstaining from gambling and seeking help was the first step in that process. There was still work to do and its an ongoing process.

However I fell i now have some control over a gamble free life

Best wishes to everyone on the forum

This post was modified 1 week ago 2 times by Joydivider
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Posted : 19th October 2020 6:01 am
itneverends
(@itneverends)

i switched my focus from the money losses, and realised how mundane and mechanical gambling had become, you see lots of people sat for hours on end pushing a button on a slot machine in a casino, in a trance like state. i thought about all the time i had spent, most times going all the way through the night without sleep gambling looking at two cards on blackjack and stating "card" or "stand" as if there was some great intellect in trying to get the cards to add up to 21!!! haha now that's the definition of madness!!!, and more than that i realised its  not really about the money is it?, many times i (as you may have done) have said if "i can double my money i will walk away with a nice profit", i made a fantastic profit (rarely), but did i ever once walk away,..NO, because it was more about doing the activity than the money,  money just allowed me to do the activity more like tokens on a ride. 

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Posted : 25th October 2020 1:08 am
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