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Good luck on your journey odaat.

Hi,

Fantastic to hear such a positive post! Good luck!

Thanks for the comments.
I've just logged in and it says it's 108 days since my last gamble.
It feels amazing!
Can't wait til it clocks 365 days, that will be a massive milestone.

Things are better than expected with my wife. Ok, were still in separate bedrooms at the moment. But we are talking openly and honestly. Not just about the gambling, but about everything else too.
She's still talking to me and we taking it one day at a time.
I feel like I've cracked it this time.
Not getting complacent, but I know how fortunate I am to have this final chance.

I hope anybody reading this that hasn't opened up yet to their loved ones takes note. That it will be the worst thing you've ever done momentarily, but as the hours and days pass, this will become the best thing you will ever do!

I wish everyone the very best with their recovery.

I know this should really be going in my diary entry, but I can't find the post.
Hit a real low today. My wife isn't very happy, understandably and I just feel guilty every time I see her.

All I've wanted to do in work today is cry.

I'm sure, well I hope, it will get better.

Odaat81 wrote: I know this should really be going in my diary entry, but I can't find the post. Hit a real low today. My wife isn't very happy, understandably and I just feel guilty every time I see her. All I've wanted to do in work today is cry. I'm sure, well I hope, it will get better.

Have you self-excluded yourself from the gambling establishment you were using? If not - please consider doing so ASAP. This will help you a lot.

Also if this is an offline shop - consider using Monzo for your banking services, Monzo blocks gambling transactions and can limit your ATM withdrawals as well, so you won't even have the option to gamble in the first place.

Hi. Just to be clear. I haven't gambled, and yes I'm SE everywhere.
It's the aftermath I'm struggling with

It takes time to sort everything out after we stop. Rebuilding relationships, finances, work and life in general. Just be proud that you have made the choice to stand up to your addiction. It doesn't always feel like we are getting anywhere then suddenly it feels like things are turning. Keep at it. Well done on 111 days. Take care of yourself.

All the best.

Hi Odaat I’m sorry to hear you are having a bad day. I should be proud of yourself as u have come a long way and are an inspiration. I am currently living with the guilt of what I have done to my husband. I came clean to him again 2 weeks ago that I had been living a lie for the last 2 years and had returned to gambling that I had told him I wouldn’t do again. This time I’m determined to beat this and have properly self excluded from everything, handed over control of my finances and actually told all close family/friends who I am, what i am and what I have done. It is horrible feeling like a disappointment, like you can’t be trusted but I’m hopeful I can earn trust back and whilst I have gambled away a lot of money and am in debt I am focusing on the future and the better person I am going to become for learning about how to be more open with my feelings etc. Life would be boring without the tests we put upon ourselves. I really hope you can learn to forgive yourself and wish u all the best in your ever growing recovery x

Hi Odaat, sorry to hear you’ve had a bad day. Unfortunately the relief we feel from coming gamble free, doesn’t fix all the problems. The aftermath is something we have to live with all the time. You’ve had a low day and you haven’t gambled, that’s something you should be incredibly proud of. Only time will heal the damage the gambling has caused. All you can do is talk to you wife, let her be angry at you, let her be sad and disappointed and most of all, allow yourself to cry. My biggest problem is I don’t open up, I keep everything a secret until it becomes to much, then I completely lose the plot and go off the rails. If you feel like crying, then cry, you may feel better for it. I’ve cried every day, multiple times over the last week or so. I don’t feel any better, but time will heal that, bettering myself every day will heal that. You’ve already come so far and as someone who has battled this problem since I was 17 (nearly 27 now) I think it’s great that you haven’t gambled. It gives me hope that I too can follow in your footsteps. I hope tomorrow you wake up feeling better about things and have another successful gamble free day.

R

hi all.

Thank you all for your positive comments. I am feeling a little better about things. It's just a bit of a rollercoaster understably so for my wife. I've always been a secretive person emotionally. Dont know why, but ive always been a bit of a closed book. On reflection, im wondering if this is what has allowed this addiction to manifest itself within me. One positive to come out of this is that already I am more open. Its actually good to tell your real feelings. I think I've been more open with my wife, emotionally, in these last couple of weeks than I ever have been before. We've been together nearly 20 years!

So again, I will still stick to the mantra of ODAAT, and see how it goes.

I cant thank you all enough for taking the time to reply and engage. It really is helping.

Wishing you all the very best.

Matt

Hi Matt, so great to hear your feeling more positive, it’s crazy I’ve just logged on and the first thing I saw was 18 days gamble free. Which I can’t really believe. Lots of my life feels better, but I too am very secretive and find it difficult to talk about how I feel and sometime even difficult to even know how I feel. How did you learn to open up more?

I’m not sure if my girlfriend of 10 years is going to leave me this time, she’s so hurt by my lies. She has requested space and I’m giving her that, when we do talk she is just so angry and whole mix of emotions. I have no idea what to do to fix it, I just hope she’s willing to come on this recovery journey with me. I too love the mantra ODAAT, thinking too far ahead scares the S*** out of me!!

Hope you have a positive and GF day, look forward to hearing from you.

R

I think that the gambling has taken its toll on my psyche. I was just left with a feeling of impending doom all the time.
So in the end I just thought did it, and properly opened up. First to my boss in an uncontrolled, breakdown kind of way. Then to my gambling counsellor, and finally, once I'd learnt how to talk about my feelings, I opened up to my wife.
It's the realisation that this person who loves you and lives with you and shares their life with you needs and deserves to know everything. Once you start talking like this, it's easy! It's much easier being honest that it is trying to hide the blackness and debt and everything else!

Try it mate. You've nothing to lose and potentially everything to gain!

I wish you well.

Matt

Ps. I forgot to say congratulations on the 18 days. 180 days will be here before you know it!

ODAAT!!

Appreciate it man, I will take your advice and try to open up more! Hope you had a great day