Support us

Starting Again  

 
Jappy
(@jappy)

Over the past few days I have gone full circle of never again, boredom, a little dabble, a few days of “in control” to three days of 100% of free (and not free) time at it, slots, slip bets! Bookies! The damage fortunately not financial but mental, tired, work, wellbeing suffered. I am sat here now with a bet to collect from last weekend golf of £47 and the us open this weekend. I know I need to collect my money and walk out! This can be the start!! 

Quote
Posted : 12th June 2019 6:39 am
gadaveuk
(@gadaveuk)

Hi

Thank you for sharing your experiences with us.

I understand today that my addictions and obsessions are unhealthy for me.

Being consumed I got deeper in to the my addictions and obsessions so much so I would justify lying to get money.

I would tell lies more often and with each lie came increasing fears with in me.

Being consumed I got in to giving up faith and hope in myself.

I did not value myself and I did not value other people.

By the time I arrived in the recovery program I was burying and suppressing the pains I caused myself.

By the time I arrived in the recovery program I was emotionally traumatized not able to understand or articulate my feelings and my emotions.

In time with like minded healthy people I would be able to not only abstain from my addictions and obsessions but was able to have more focus on each day.

I was advised by healthy people that there was no end as ti what I could achieve if I took my recovery seriously.

I was going to get motivated in healthy ways, I was more reluctant to live in my fears, I faced my fears head on.

How much do I want to stop gambling, am I selfish and willing to abstain for me.

Life has more value today, I have more value today, I have the ability to not react in unhealthy ways and try to escape people life and situation when I am emotionally vulnerable.

Each break out back to gambling was a learning curve, what was my last emotional trigger.

Please keep going to meetings, you will benefit from it in so many ways.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

ReplyQuote
Posted : 12th June 2019 6:55 am
Hullbo
(@hullbo)

Collect the bet and walk away, put blocks up...

Same as you my last lapse was not financially damaging as I was already at rock bottom, but the mental toll has been great.

I won enough to clear debts but as all cgs proceeded to lose most of it...but walked away with enough to clear one debt...but the mental toll of it has been huge...head spins, sweats, but 8 days gamble free now for me.

Collect the bet, walk away and be a winner of life by keeping you mind clear. The money is an irrelevance, the mind needs to be free of the circle.

 

You can do it

ReplyQuote
Posted : 12th June 2019 7:02 am
Jappy
(@jappy)

Been and collected my money! But even then I stood and looked, nearly picked up a form!! However I didn’t and now have money safely in wallet! 😀

ReplyQuote
Posted : 12th June 2019 12:16 pm
Jappy
(@jappy)

Thanks for your thoughts and I will take on board, I have many if not all the same thoughts, and I need to be selfish and not let my mind take over!

jappy

ReplyQuote
Posted : 12th June 2019 1:31 pm
Hullbo
(@hullbo)

Well done you, that's the start of something good for you hopefully, keeping you wallet fuller and mind happier.

You have set off on the path to happiness.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 12th June 2019 3:48 pm
Liveinhope35
(@liveinhope35)

I am glad that you took the money and walked. What worries me though is that you have not spoken about about blocks being put in place? Your post reminds me of one of my earlier ones. I was sure I wanted to stop gambling, but I knew deep down I wouldn’t. I have only been gamble free for 12 days but I hit rock bottom this time, and I am still feeling the mental/financial consequences now. This time I know in my gut I have to stop, and have done everything I possibly can to prevent myself along with accessing counselling. 

I don’t want you to take today as a fact you’re  fine, and then another day be able to go and do this again. I didn’t want my post to come across in any way negative, it’s only because I care about others ,and don’t want them to end up in the mess I am further down the line. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 12th June 2019 3:49 pm
Hullbo
(@hullbo)

Liveinhope is absolutely correct...get the blocks in place...my own recent relapse is a great example of why you need to get them in place asap.

I was literally a huge amount up, I was desperate to quit and kept telling myself I will withdraw and put gamstop in place but kept waiting for the withdrawals to hit my account. You know the story, I didn't ever put the blocks in and lost most of it. I knew it was going to happen but failed to put the blocks in place. Gamstop really is a good tool, please get it in place.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 12th June 2019 6:17 pm
A 9
 A 9
(@alan-135)

"Watertight door's " I think is the expression as even a chink of light will allow gambling in and us CG's are renowned for keeping at least one door open 🙁 . 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 12th June 2019 6:28 pm
Jappy
(@jappy)

Hi all thanks for your comments, I have a computer block and phone block in place. I have self excluded from casinos locally and also bookies around home, my issue is travelling and staying away round the country so is there anything that can be done to self exclude, I have a work cr card so I plan not to carry my own cash / cards 

I have started and today I have not gambled!

ReplyQuote
Posted : 12th June 2019 7:32 pm
Liveinhope35
(@liveinhope35)
Posted by: Jappy

Hi all thanks for your comments, I have a computer block and phone block in place. I have self excluded from casinos locally and also bookies around home, my issue is travelling and staying away round the country so is there anything that can be done to self exclude, I have a work cr card so I plan not to carry my own cash / cards 

I have started and today I have not gambled!

Well done on today, each day free is an achievement in my eyes. I am not sure about how to stop whilst travelling but have you signed up to Gamstop? Paramount to stop online gambling, as I sometimes know many blocks can fail and there are ways around them. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 12th June 2019 10:18 pm
Jappy
(@jappy)

Yep online and phone all blocked which is great and works! 

I agree on the any day gf is s good day, this is all we have! Today I told myself don’t do it today! Then see where we are tomorrow!

Here is to another day gambling free

ReplyQuote
Posted : 13th June 2019 6:31 am
Jappy
(@jappy)

Today is Saturday a day of spare time and money available, I have a plan to keep busy and with friends at all times so  should be a good day today I won’t gamble 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 15th June 2019 9:35 am
gadaveuk
(@gadaveuk)

Hi 

Boredom was an emotional trigger for me along with procrastination, 

The recovery program was going to help me understand myself more, it would help me see myself in other people, to relate to each other and our emotional experiences.

The recovery program was going to help me wake up and see what I was missing in my life.0

My emotional triggers were my pains not healed, my fears not faced, my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, my loneliness due to my fears of emotional intimacy, my feelings of boredom because I felt that life was boring, that I could succeed, that I avoided facing being accountable and I avoided facing challenges in my life.

My unhealthy reaction in my anger was due to my pains not healed, my fears not faced, my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, I use to think that being angry was healthy, not today being angry is not healthy in any way for me today.

My unhealthy reaction in my anger caused further aggression and confrontation, my anger caused people to fear me.

Please keep going to meetings, you will benefit from it in so many ways.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

ReplyQuote
Posted : 15th June 2019 2:19 pm
Share this page
Share
  
Working

Please Login or Register