I have a separate recovery diary but I just wanted to see how many of you guys have the same thought process that I have at the moment (something I need to break) -
You could/will/do/have happily/willingly spent hundreds of pounds in the bookies or online for zero return but will quibble or weigh up the pros and cons of spending £50 on something like a new pair of jeans.
You properly debate whether you “need” the jeans - something that you get something as a result of spending the money. Whereas you could have also lost £250 on slots the day before but thought nothing of it at the time.
I need to get that poisonous train of thought out of my brain.
I don’t think it is a bad trait to question the value of an item before debating whether to spend that amount of money on it. In fact it could be said to be quite sensible. The issue for many gamblers is why they don’t maintain the same trait when it comes to gambling. If we summed up logically the potential spend of gambling in relation to the genuine chance of making a profit, we’d never do it! I think you are correct that the work required is re-wiring the brain to think the same way about gambling as we do about buying a produce, i.e. is it really value for money?
Hi no more
I think that’s a common trait for most gamblers and I have always been the same when I was still in the midst of gambling or trying to abstain.
I am now 122 days gf and I can say that changes with time once you have a clear mind away from the throes of gambling. I guess it is also very dependent on your financial situation as to whether you can afford to spend the money on something, after all when we were gambling we would spend the money even if we couldn’t afford it and even if it meant we couldn’t pay all our bills. I do believe once everything has settled down and there is enough distance between the last gamble that it changes or at least it has for me as I now realise I can spend 40 or 50 pound on something and be happy I have something to show for my money with money left over rather than when I’d spend a fortune on nothing but pain and misery but it doesn’t come over night. It’s a process that takes time like everything else related to gambling.
This is me all over!
I absolutely hate it. I’m so tight with money, yet would spend hundreds or thousands on a gambling binge. I’ve been clean for about 10 months now but I still have this battle in my head where I feel guilty for spending any money.
Some clothes I really like had a sale on recently. Good quality stuff for cheap-ish prices. Couldn’t bring myself to spend £60 on a few T shirts. Roll back 10 months and I’d wager that like it’s nothing.
I think it comes down to seeing my mum struggle massively with money when I was a little kid. It’s something I need to work on as it really does have a negative impact on me. I think I’m obsessed with money to be honest.
You raise a very important point NMNM and its not discussed enough.
I had developed a very ill relationship with money both in an out of gambling.
Its difficult to describe but money was losing its meaning to me and I had become a skinflint when considering certain purchases. I was getting less of hit in buying things mixed with a confused feeling that I will wait for things and not succumb to the hype. Thought that was me being clever but I would then end up putting three time the price of that game console into a gambling machine
There is a quote that "inside every gambler is a miser" and I think there is a truth to that.
I had become scared of money( but still a gambler)....a period of unemployment didnt help...obviously money doesnt grow on trees and I didnt have much of it.
I was lost and very depressed which are issues I was trying to hide or pretend didnt exist
However my addiction to gambling had started forty years earlier and was still controlling me. Part of my deluded ill and twisted mind thought its a clever proposition to be trying to make money from money in that way...as if i was being clever for not drinking, smoking or spending on goods but gambling was ok in some way.
My gambling addiction cost me thousands of pound per year. The goods i could have bought with that money is a reality check i need to think about but not dwell on too long.
The serenity comes when you find peace with yourself. It relaxed me with money and gave me a plan or a purpose with money again. Its finding a natural and comfortable balance again.
I know that buying things doesnt necessarily make someone happy but it is nice to own considered purchases which enhance your life
If I havent thought about an item I dont really need it. At the same time items such as socks ho ho are important and don't moan or get bored choosing them.
If I want the new games console I plan, save up or I buy it. At the same time I enjoy building a rainy day fund and I like having that there. I dont need everything so Im quite happy to channel my desire to keep happy and healthy
I dont live beyond my means which I think comes from being more comfortable in my own skin. I know someone who has to work 80 hours a week to keep the fancy car he is driving. His girlfriend is not really impressed because she never sees him....get my point there
Being gamble free does allow the mind to heal so we can learn to deal with money again
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Well of course I echo much of what has already been said. I find myself nodding along in agreement.
For me as a slots gambler, its about being in "action", its about the "anticipation" of the gamble and supposedly "winning" a bunch of money whilst having "excitement" and "fun".
But in reality its all a manufactured illusion. For me and when I allow myself to think about it, its actually all about escape from feeling "lost and depressed and stressed" and a whole load of other negative emotions. When gambling or merely anticipating gambling I have a degree of freedom from how I feel about my life and how I feel about myself. What makes this addiction so baffling is that gambling actually makes these negative emotions even worse after just a short time gambling.
For me I don't get excited about buying "stuff" about owning "things". I have no interest in socks, jeans, flash cars, things for my flat, I just don't want to be depressed anymore and that's the hard work of recovery.
All the best
Great posts all round, and a key idea.
I've been telling myself for about 30 odd years that I gamble to make money - hah, while losing 10's of thousands of the stuff regularly. I don't even know how much the total I would have had. All the things I could have bought with it, scares me. Probably a smallish property in total - yet recently I couldn't afford to buy my wife a CD for her birthday.
I also think buying and using money properly can be a positive process for us gamblers. In my (limited) more sensible periods I've enjoyed making an actual purchase (instead of gambling it). It feels good to sit and look at something concrete like a good book you've just bought.
I’m completely in this head bubble!
I could spend thousands on gambling and not care until I’ve lost it all. Then I dread the rest of the month worrying about the food shop. Direct debits still waiting to come out. Etc etc.
Thank you for this topic! Was waiting for one to pass by and also some great responses!
All the best