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Hi, I’m back not that anyone will remember me. Just logged in for the first time in ages. Said I was gamble free 799 days. Wish that was true. Had a massive gambling binge last night and have completely ruined everything. I was doing so well but it just seems no matter how hard I try, how long I last, I always f**k it all up in the end. I know I shouldn’t leave the house but I’ve had to get out and I’m currently sat on a hill crying my eyes out. I’m such a f*****g idiot and this is never going to end. Why do I always have to self destruct. I’m obviously not wired right in the head. My Apple Watch kept alerting me my heart rate was above 120bpm whilst inactive. Not seen that alert since I used to gamble. It’s obviously killing me so why do I do it. And now I’m left in a financial mess again. I honestly think I will never learn. I handed over my cards for over a year and really thought I was over this nonsense. Sorry for ranting but I feel I have nobody to tell. I’m so ashamed 😭

Posted : 29th April 2020 1:25 pm

Hi Wishicouldstop,

I can totally understand that relapsing after such a long time feels really awful. Well done on opening up on here and talking about it. I had something similar after close to 300 days gamble free.

I don't know how much of a financial mess you are in now. However, you managed to stay gamble free for a long time before and you can do so again. You take this experience with you and hopefully you can now stop gambling for good. Your situation will improve again.

I am just an amateur and I can only offer kind words at this moment. I saw your post and wanted to say something positive. That said, I suggest you contact GamCare or other professionals to help you through this and get a financial plan in place again. Get help asap and get back on that proverbial gamble free horse.

You will come out of this stronger. It may not seem so now but you can and will beat this.

I hope you feel better soon!

Posted : 29th April 2020 1:41 pm

Use Gamstop! It will take away the option for online gambling in UK. 
be brave, use Gamstop. 

Posted : 29th April 2020 4:47 pm
Forum admin

Hi wishicouldstop,

Sorry to hear you are struggling with your gambling and feel that you don't have anyone to turn to for support.  Well done for reaching out for help on the forum.  If you would like a listening ear and some time to talk about how you are feeling or you would like information about the support available to you please contact the 24/7  helpline on 0808 8020 133.

Best Wishes


Forum Admin

Posted : 29th April 2020 9:29 pm

Where focus goes energy flows. We lose our surroundings and focus on gambling. It is not you being stupid it is you being genetically engineered to do something on autopilot. Your brain connected gambling to "Ohh that's interesting" and releasing dopamine in much higher quantities than you should normally have only to go back again years later when you think your clean only to do it again. Your brain still goes "oh interesting" when you are gambling because the feeling is anchored as they say in NLP. Any answers to how to change that? Yes, find another habit that you can do instead. The idea is to recognise. It can not be beaten by will power it needs to be beaten by habit change and acceptance. You also need to forgive. Guilt is a sob. It will give you those 120-150bpms that can put you in intensive care. Forgive. Get yourself a holistic approach to yourself and study this illness like no tomorrow because if you can't beat it by will power you can beat it by knowledge. So as you have fallen you will need to stand up. Brush yourself clean and walk on. Don't ever stop moving with this illness, keep moving forward.

All the best


Posted : 29th April 2020 10:50 pm

unfortunately with gambling there is no prescribed time period where you are able to say "yep im cured no need to worry about this again" it is a lifelong issue 

there are people on this forum who proclaim to be abstinent for 5 - 10 years yet they are still posting several times a week , i think that says it all really about where this addiction leaves you mentally

for myself i have gambled on and off for many many years but it is now at a point where i know what my triggers are and how to cope with them

i have visited a physical casino maybe 3 times in the last 2 years i usually go in notice the same people in there that were there 5 years ago and leave sometimes i will have £20 on the blackjack table but generally it loses within 15 seconds and i leave

online gambling is a completely different kettle of fish and by far the most dangerous out of all of them i remember this time  last year being in Barcelona with my girlfriend and spending 80% of the holiday on my laptop / phone playing online tables

i knew at that point online gambling was far too dangerous so i stopped  ive had one or two episodes in the last year but nothing life destroying and i actually managed to save 4 grand in the process so im pretty pleased with that

i am perfectly aware though that one serious lapse in judgement and concentration and all my hard work goes out of the window i guess that is why i am still on sites like this on a weekly basis 




Posted : 30th April 2020 10:50 am

Hi Wishicouldstop

Really sorry to hear how you are feeling. Hopefully over time you will feel better.

I don't remember reading many diaries on here where problem gamblers have decided they need to stop gambling and it being a smooth road with no relapses. However to get to 800 GF is some achievement and whilst I know you are hurting now, think how much worse a position you would be in now if you had been an active gambler all that time.

I started late in life to gambling, all my problems with it have been within your period of being GF, and have suffered two relapses. Once I had got over the pain and disgust of what I had done during these relapses I made it my mission to ensure I learnt something from both incidents about why I had gambled again (the triggers) and how I could prevent it happening in the future (strengthening my blocks). Unfortunately it appeared I had to learn these things the hard way.

Best wishes and keep posting





Posted : 30th April 2020 12:15 pm


I know how you feel and been there many times and most of the time if you really ask me - do I like gambling? I think the thought of gambling, picking the winner of a golf tournament, or a run of 7 numbers at roulette, or a slots jackpot - using my brain to beat the bookies!

reality - if the sensible bet loses or wins inevitably I will get into the “must gamble” mindset and at some point I will  lose and then chase ........ 

this isn’t a habit / hobby it is an addiction. If it were drugs, alcohol, tobacco we could get a patch, medication etc, but we would seek treatment.

the book Alan Carr - the easy way to stop gambling has provided me with science and logic and reasons why I feel as I do, and why my brain tells me totally illogical thoughts “go have a gamble” it explains addictions and how to break them and “rewire” you thoughts.

it has helped me, and although with all addictions you are never cured - but in your mind you can become a non gambler - which currently for the first time for years my mind thinks future and plans and not past and losses!

ps gamblock and self exclusion are also vital tools for days when thoughts and pressures my blurr the mind


Posted : 3rd May 2020 9:23 am
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