Since I looked old enough to get into a bookmakers gambling has ruled my life.
Since leaving school I have aways been in employment, I have no savings but have £30, 000 worth of debt, and growing, to my name. Why? Because I am a compulsive Gambler.
I have tried almost everything possible to prevent myself from gambling.
In the early days I would blow my full wage on payday and beg, borrow and steal my way through the rest of the month with no money. Payday loans usually helping see me through.
Acknowledging I had a problem and this wasn't sustainable I decided to give control of my finances to my partner. While this solved the problem of betting online, I would think of the most ridiculous excuses of why I lifted money that I would instead use in bookmaker shops.
When this was not cutting it, I would then start arguing with my partner, telling her she was stealing my money from me by not letting me control it, even though all she was doing was trying to protect me. Manipulating the person I love to feed this disgusting habit. I am ashamed to say this is not the lowest actions this addiction has driven me to.
After eventually gaining access to accounts, all money would be blown and more debt would build up before I would then give control back to my partner and apologise for my actions. Promising I was finished gambling once and for all. Until the next time, of course.
And so this has been my life for 11 years, it has dragged me to the darkest places and only my own cowardice has prevented me from taking my life, man how I have spent many dark days and nights wanting to.
I have visited GPs, spoken to counsellors, had therapy but nothing has ever had a lasting impact.
It is the latest chapter of my story that has led me to reach out to you.
I wanted to propose to my partner of 10+ years who had stuck by me through thick and thin. So I set up my own bank account and linked a credit card to it to be able to purchase the ring. This is what I told myself, I was probably always going to gamble.
Anyway, in the last six weeks, an independent bookmaker has accepted almost 40k in deposits from this new bank account and credit card. At no point have I been asked about affordability. My credit card has also built up over a £
1000 in cash advance fees, I did not know this was a thing, due to payments being made directly from credit card to a bookmaker. I have since read this is actually now banned.
I am now left searching for a consolidation loan to try to help get me out of this deep dark hole. This is on top of the £20,000 already owed to banks and family.
I apologise for rambling, I guess all I really want is to ask how any of you got clean and managed to stay away?
It is not just the money I have lost, it is the relationships, time and experiences that have been ruined.
My mental and physical health have deteriorated beyond belief. I no longer recognise the person I used to be.
Posted : 15th February 2021 4:54 pm
