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My life feels like it will be soon over  

 
kevsmt
(@kevsmt)

Good afternoon, where to start this is a long story however i feel i need to now seek the help i should have many years ago. I am a gambling addict and have been most my life. My marriage 12 years ago ended due to it. I then stopped for 4 years of which during that time i met my new partner. We are now engaged have a 3 year old boy and live in a house that she is sole mortgage holder for.

For the past 4 years i have been working from home, this has caused me to gamble to such an extent i have lost all our savings, i am in around 30k of debt and the worst part is i have amounted around 35k in my partners name.

I know i need help and will be going to the Drs tomorrow, i am self excluded from all local shops and all UK registered online casinos.

I know i am going to loose everything, i just for the past year have been trying to enjoy the family moments knowing it will soon be over. My partner has the house on the market and is really eager to get moving to but this is not even possible due to the above.

To add to this for 5 years i have had a eating disorder and would purge a lot, not all the time mainly during main meals like tea time etc. Know one is aware of this either. I am scared sensless that i will not only loose my family and my own parents who i put through this before, but also my job if i am charged for fraud. I just dont see the point of going anymore.

I feel like i need to be taken in somewhere and for someone to tell my family what i have done (i really dont have the courage to admit this to their faces)

I just dont know what to do and what options i have and where this may all end up. I feel i want to go to drs a get a sicknote for work and have them send me somewhere for my own sanity and to help fight my ongoing demons, Will i ever see my son again? will i be charged for fraud? i am happy to admit to the people i took finance out in her name that it was me and happy to take all the debt on, although i have been bankrupt before.

I feel i have let eveyone down and my partner went back to work full time last year and really didnt, well she would not have had to if she knew that i earned more than she thought and that i lied to cover the debt payments. I dont expect her to forgive me i really dont, and wish i could just wake up from this nightmare.

Quote
Posted : 18th February 2019 2:14 pm
Merry go round
(@merry-go-round)

Hi kevsmt your fear is stopping you from reaching for help. Get to your gp and find a GA meeting. This will give you a place to talk, some real support. Sign up to gamstop immediately. You need to put blocks in place. You're never going to win because you can't stop. Get some help, seriously.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 18th February 2019 3:42 pm
kevsmt
(@kevsmt)

Hi, thanks for your reply. That's what I am doing. But as you will read I have used Gamstop but I find a way. I have though taken the first step and joined here and going to GP tomorrow.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 18th February 2019 7:42 pm
canterbury100
(@canterbury100)

Hi Kev,

You are in the best place to stage a recovery, rock bottom. There is a lot of support out there. Don't suffer in silence. You're situation isn't unique although I sympathise. I'm telling you there is hope, lots of it. Stepchange are an excellent charity that gave me advice on what to do with my debt and getting that interest stopped. Get in touch with them now and don't stick your head in the sand. You must take massive action now! Going to a GA meeting will be an excellent support network for you in this difficult time. You will realise that you are not alone. If you have committed fraud due to gambling addiction, the courts will understand that you need urgent help.

A lot of the people on here including myself have been at the point where there seems no hope, but the mind lies to you, don't listen to it and get help now!! You can get through this and who knows, maybe through your experience one day you might help others who suffer with this evil disease.

All the best,

Stu

ReplyQuote
Posted : 19th February 2019 11:11 am
xangel11x
(@xangel11x)

Bless your heart,

You have made a massive step by just coming here and talking about it and the post above offers some great advice.

I bet right now you think you are the worst person in the world and wondering how you were capable of doing this, then you wake up in the morning with that awful feeling in your stomach but..
You are not a bad person, gambling is an illness but it can get better.
That voice in our 'gambling heads' will always be there, we just have to learn how to tell it to go away.

I didn't go to any GA meetings but this place made me feel that I wasn't alone.

Here are a couple of threads that really helped me.

https://www.gamcare.org.uk/forum/2019-challenge

https://www.gamcare.org.uk/forum/join-guru-challenge

I haven't conquered my addiction fully yet but I am becoming more determined to do so.

Take care,

angel x

ReplyQuote
Posted : 20th February 2019 5:05 pm
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