Sorry for the long text but this is the first time ever talking about it properly. I’ve been gambling since I was 16 (Now 26) and bar a brief gap between 21-23 where I thought I had control (after a big loss, debts and then repayment) it is fair to say I am addicted
Over the last two years as my earnings have gone up my addiction has got worse and was loosing up to £3k a month. Which includes all the money I had saved up for a house deposit.
I am finally ready to come to terms with my addiction, admit it to everyone and come clean but am scared of the consequences. My girlfriend of 7 years will leave me knowing that I have been lying to her all these years, and on top of that I have ruined our future by loosing the housing deposit, we will no longer be able to do that. my parents will forgive me and accept me back home I hope when I have to leave my current rented place with girlfriend. My friends will be shocked and I will have massive embarrassment to get over it all but i can finalise realise coming clean is the only way to beat this.
i plan to write to everyone that needs to know in the coming days and then follow up with a personal chat to understand and work through some of the issues it will cause, but prior to that I wanted to read up further on other ways to get help and ensure I am taking the right approach. I haven’t slept for 24hrs and don’t think I will until I finally tell everyone this.
Hi EssexCC.
You are in the right place and aiming for a relief or even serenity that you are finally asking for help.
You know in your heart and soul that the secret will eat you up. The addiction thrives on secrets so you need to find a born again moment of openness and honesty.
The addiction was totally destroying you and they would have found out anyway sooner or later.
You have to face it head on. There is no other way I'm afraid. If you word things well and tell them what you are immediately going to do it helps
You will have to build a pride by handing control of all your money away
The reality and power of the addiction is that you were gambling with very important things like relationships.
The money lost its importance and you lost all reality compared to your delusional thoughts to get a drug fix of dopamine and adrenaline.
If you love them they need to know and they need to be protected by having the information.
You can earn the money again and you have to use every thought process to think its only money and you are still here to make things better. I know its hard as the thought of wasted money will be shocking to them.
This is what a gambling addiction does. There is hope for you. If people see your qualities they will stand by you but you are actually protecting the ones you love by telling them.
Recovery is a journey. Its cold turkey off a drug but it doesnt have to be too hard if your mind is in the right place.
For the rest of your life you can never be complacent but the recovery journey is about turning that into a positive statement
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Hey man
this will be the hardest thing you will ever do. Opening up about everything all the lies the money the things you had to do to get your fix will be like going reliving it in your mind.
but here is the thing it’s the first step to recovery. And you know after you have done it you wont feel great but their will be a part of you that will feel abit proud, and a tiny little Bit of good That you have been honest with 1 yourself but the people that you love and that love you for the first time in 10 years about this subject.
being honest with your girlfriend is a must now. She most probably will be shocked and angry but if you have that bond between you both then you can get through it and come out the other side. But you really need people around you will will go and fight this with you and be that support. It’s a big fight ahead but I did it and trust me I’ve had relapses but if you have that network of people to be there for you anything is possible.
again I was in your situation and I now I have a house of my own with my partner that helped me through it.
if you want to quit so badly keep that in the front of your mind no matter how hard it gets.
take care and good luck.
lee
Don't be sorry to us for the post, this is what the website is for. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate, but telling people, will really relieve a lot of that stress. It will be a massive weight lifted off of your shoulders. No matter what happens after that, you will feel better and you'll be well on your way to recovering from this horrible addiction. Best of luck.
You've done well and reached out for help, God that takes more strength than anything. So your an addict to gambling so are we all DO I like it no I hate it with a vengeance. I guess you've got that feeling at the pit of your stomach, it's horrible but getting out there and looking for help before getting found out is amazing. You should feel so proud off yourself. Look money can be replaced I don't know how long it will take but I know in the end we will be financially stable but the longer you go on the more you will lose, people will understand not everyone right away but in time. Who doesn't have some sort off problem, I feel your a strong person and will work your way through this. Good luck my friend
You're braver than I'll ever be.
Hopefully it's not as bad as you fear and that they will care more about you than the money.
The money is secondary to the mental affects of this bas***d addiction.
I try to keep reminding myself of that but it's difficult.
I hope it all works out for you and this is the beginning of the story of how you bet your addiction.
Best of luck 🙂
After a weekend of delaying telling everyone, I finally did it today. I feel better for it but it was difficult and it will continue to be, hopefully, I can catch up with my partner tomorrow (we have not spoken since I told her this evening) and start to work things out but I need to understand it will take time. My family has been supportive even though I can tell they are shocked and disappointed, I had worked so hard to get to where I was and chucked it all away, so I can only try to improve going forward.
My first counselling session tomorrow, i am looking forward to it.
Just give your partner some space as she'll be trying to get her head round it and this takes time and understanding and unless you have the addiction it's very hard to understand why anyone would waste that amount off money gambling it away. I hope she can come to terms with it and help you through as everyone deserves a second chance
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