Support us

Looking for some advice.  

 
Alicetheaddict
(@alicetheaddict)

Hey guys,

So my partner left me before christmas when I came clean about my gambling problem. She has kept me around but has been busy with work and was finally ready to give us another go. I've had some issues with work due to drinking and that's all exploded recently and I've lost my job. I got into some trouble last year for drinking when I was gambling a lot and drinking to forget or because I won. I was fine for over 4 months and just had one bad night, can't really explain why, think I just thought I would be fine. Time can make you forget how bad things can get.

So I was gamble free for 4 months and have have not even slightly wanted to do it. I thought for the first time in my life I was in control and I think this made me too relaxed. When things got bad with my job I was ok for about a week then one night I was alone and instead of talking to someone or coming on here I had a drink and very stupidly lost the grand I had in savings. 

So even with losing my job I was still positive about the future, had some savings and my relationship was finally looking like it was going to get better after so much time. 

So I've told my family and a friend everything but I have not told my partner. I've worked so hard to make everything better and now this would blow any chance of a future. I get paid next week and she would never have to know. I know how bad this sounds.

So I have 2 questions if anyone can help.

Do I tell her? I know the truth is such a big deal but I won't be able to come back from this. I don't want her to know so she doesn't get hurt again. 

And more of a long term question.

Has anyone else gone so long not being tempted by gambling, had a bad night, then finally beaten it? I still feel like I have control over it even though it has just beaten me again. I have put everything in place like gamstop to make sure this never happens again. 

Thank you,

Alice x

 

 

 

Quote
Posted : 23rd April 2019 11:49 pm
Ellesse
(@ellesse)

Hi I had a big blow last year over £10000 my first real experience on line however made me sick n stayed away n for some unknown reason this year went on and was up significantly at first then lost it all plus some of my own money had a rough month I keep it to myself it destroys me but not as much as u think it would dealing with the loss of the money plus the loss of trust from om my partner and the feelings of guilt are hard without sharing 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 24th April 2019 12:00 am
Ellesse
(@ellesse)

I thought I wasn't a compulsive gambler however everything about my gambling was screaming compulsive gambler I thought I was in control but each time I deposited no matter how small the compulsive gambler started and could not stop I'm gutted I lost all. Of my winnings and it has hurt more than wen I've lost my own money I think it is because it was a big amount and then it has all gone and you had it were even though I've put that amount in my own money into gambling its in small amounts that adds up. It's sickening the money that's wasted on gambling and what could b done with it instead I am totally done  Don't think I really want to be as if I could access online I would but gam stop preventing me wish I installed it last year then I wouldnt have had a incredible high and then lost that and more but it all in the past and without gambling I should be able to live pretty comfortably sorry I've taken over your post but sounds like we're in very similiar positions 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 24th April 2019 9:11 am
Bartosz
(@bartosz)

I think it's constant fight...

And about the trust and honesty...better to tell the worst truth than the best lie.

You got me...

ReplyQuote
Posted : 24th April 2019 10:36 am
Alicetheaddict
(@alicetheaddict)

Ellesse,

Don't apologise. We are all looking for the same help so it's fine. The hardest bit about gambling again is feeling like I have to restart everything. The only upside is that I know it does get better. The feeling of being in control of my money again and having even a small amount of savings. It's just hard knowing how hard the next few weeks will be. 

 

Bartosz,

Is the worst truth better than the best lie? Sometimes we lie to make sure others don't get hurt and if the lie has a better outcome for everyone involved then is that not the better thing to do?

Alice x

ReplyQuote
Posted : 24th April 2019 10:58 am
holycrosser
(@holycrosser)

Agree, not all of us can take the risk in fessing up.I can’t and I know it’s wrong but if I can right this I will.The telling would end us, I know her.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 24th April 2019 11:01 am
gadaveuk
(@gadaveuk)

Hi

I use to fear being honest because I feared rejection and abandonment issues from a very early age.

Often in my recovery I would be honest about the big amounts of money lost.

Yet sadly use to hide the fact about smaller amounts of money still owing.

I did not understand that when my wife Shirley said the pain I was causing her was not about the money but about the betrayal and deceptions I could understand that simple fact.

So no mater how small the amount of money which was missing it was all about me becoming completely honest.

When my wife asked how I was feeling, it was not a question.

Each time I said I was not hat bad or I am fine she had got wise to know when I was trying to pull the wool over her eyes.

There ways of being honest with out being cruel or adversely affecting another person.

When making an apology it was important I did not in any way justify the hurt I caused people.

An apology is not about who is right or wrong, an apology is about healing relationships.

When a person leaves an addict it is not about the addiction, it is about a person no longer wanting to be hurt any more.

How much time and effort am I willing to invest in me becoming a healthy person today.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 24th April 2019 11:44 am
gadaveuk
(@gadaveuk)
Posted by: Bartosz

I think it's constant fight...

And about the trust and honesty...better to tell the worst truth than the best lie.

You got me...

Hi Bart 

With each lie comes fears.

I found it hard to be accountable to myself, yet once in the recovery program I feel much better getting things off of my chest.

The recovery program is all about helping our self to become healthy.

Did I lie because I feared being myself.

Did I think that by me being honest would be painful.

Then the question is it more painful to tell lies and live in guilt and shame on and on.

Or be honest and deal with unhealthy situations and be done with it.

The recovery program is healing my pains.

Please stick with your recovery you can gain so much from living only one day at a time.

Love and best wishes

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

ReplyQuote
Posted : 24th April 2019 8:48 pm
gadaveuk
(@gadaveuk)
Posted by: Alicetheaddict

Hey guys,

So my partner left me before christmas when I came clean about my gambling problem. She has kept me around but has been busy with work and was finally ready to give us another go. I've had some issues with work due to drinking and that's all exploded recently and I've lost my job. I got into some trouble last year for drinking when I was gambling a lot and drinking to forget or because I won. I was fine for over 4 months and just had one bad night, can't really explain why, think I just thought I would be fine. Time can make you forget how bad things can get.

So I was gamble free for 4 months and have have not even slightly wanted to do it. I thought for the first time in my life I was in control and I think this made me too relaxed. When things got bad with my job I was ok for about a week then one night I was alone and instead of talking to someone or coming on here I had a drink and very stupidly lost the grand I had in savings. 

So even with losing my job I was still positive about the future, had some savings and my relationship was finally looking like it was going to get better after so much time. 

So I've told my family and a friend everything but I have not told my partner. I've worked so hard to make everything better and now this would blow any chance of a future. I get paid next week and she would never have to know. I know how bad this sounds.

So I have 2 questions if anyone can help.

Do I tell her? I know the truth is such a big deal but I won't be able to come back from this. I don't want her to know so she doesn't get hurt again. 

And more of a long term question.

Has anyone else gone so long not being tempted by gambling, had a bad night, then finally beaten it? I still feel like I have control over it even though it has just beaten me again. I have put everything in place like gamstop to make sure this never happens again. 

Thank you,

Alice x

 

 

 

 

Hi Alice x

Yes I have not had in a long time and use to wake up in a cold sweat, that often happens and people are to embarresed to talk about it.

The other thing when you dream of Gambling you wake up feeling as guilty as from day one walking in to recovery, that unsettles you.

The ideal situation is to be completely free of all emotional ties to gambling.

Meeting with some one like minded helps and even talking on the telephone helps.

A healthy sponsor will help you and encourage and nurture you in to healthy habits.

A healthy sponsor will help you over come fear of emotional intimacy.

I often meet with the opposite s*x for sharing.

It is important though it is an open public place.

It is important that their partner knows of your meetings and where they are.

A healthy sponsor will help you make healthier choices and it is up to you to act up on those choices.

A healthy sponsor will take no responsibility for your new found skills.

A healthy sponsor will you did it on your own.

It is important to validate your self compliment and value your self.

The recovery program is very much like mountain climbing and getting help from people with more healthy experience than our self.

The recovery program will not stop us doing some thing unhealthy that will have to be our own choice.

Like mountain climbing we are tied to other people by their advice and experiences.

The recovery program is about slow baby steps of progress and is not about being perfect.

Each break out to a bet is a lesson if we are willing to learn from it.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

Dave Of Beckenham

ReplyQuote
Posted : 24th April 2019 9:01 pm
Share this page
Share
  
Working

Please Login or Register