So, previously I have been successful a few times at stopping gambling altogether, I'm self excluded online everywhere, but the last few months I've been hitting the small casinos, either in evenings or in-between work, it's literally out of control, I lost a load of money over a period , won some back and then lost again, recently winning a lot back then shovelling it all away again plus more.
I'm just throwing away money all the time and I'm sick to death of it. It's taking over my life and making me feel physically ill.
I have a pretty good income and a good job I just can't understand why I turn to these money grabbing places, I can only assume I'm constantly chasing it.
I'm crying out for advice here from fellow problem gamblers that have succeeded in stopping the gambling, what's your suggestions please?
I nearly had 200 days of controlling this, I thought I had this clicked, I know exactly what got me.......a bill, I just needed to stay strong, I panicked and blew it, not fortunes but enough to hurt me.
im in a bad place
Hi MeefUK and welcome to the forum.
My first advice is that any gaps in gambling is not a sign that you are ultimately in control. I would need to know more about what you mean about stopping gambling altogether a few times.
Its an insidious nasty addiction in that it can lull the gambler into thinking a bit of willpower stopped it for a while. I thought I was in some sort of control because in the past I could go weeks or months without gambling...usually because I was busy working.
However it arises again out of the blue and I binged on it with no control whatsoever. Once started I couldnt stop.
It only takes one form of gambling or location to ruin you. Therefore being blocked online and allowing a wide open door to other locations of gambling is obviously no good.
You are drawn to it as your mind seeks something for its own gratification. The sensible part of you realises later that gambling is not the answer. I consider it a drug addiction to put it simply. To be more detailed your mind knows immediately that its a mugs game but is shut down by the controlling part that wants a dopamine fix
We seek a buzz which at best is short term pleasure at the expense of everything else just like serious substance abuse. There is nothing quite like a gambling urge. It makes us feel invincible, lucky, naughty, s**y excited all in that moment of wanting to go and do it. Some people have likened it to a sexual urge as the chemical power in the bloodstream is that great.
Its all in the head and the money just becomes tokens to play. Problem there is money is vital to our wellbeing in modern society
Its also highly complex in that we cant stop but it becomes necessary to the sensible brain that the money has got to come back the next game. The odds are set against you so once in deep there is no magic answer to get it back.
The only way you will stop wasting money and wasting your life is abstention backed by the honesty of telling loved ones.
Your aim is a serenity to realise you can never be complacent again for the rest of your life.
When you start a full recovery you will gain the strength to see gambling for what it is and you will make peace with yourself
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Hi holycrosser, thank you for sharing your experience, we are sorry to hear you are in a bad place. It sounds like you have really tried, almost 200 days gamble free is a big achievement. Try not to see this slip up as a set back in your recovery. Relapses can be very common. Depending on how you look at it, this learning curve can be seen as a way to highlight your triggers and explore ways to prevent this from happening again. Please know you are welcome to contact the helpline if you need more support going forward.
We wish you all the best.
Forum Admin
We should ask ourselves what is missing in our lives that we have to fill the hole with gambling...
That void within that always wants more...
I see it with substance addicts and alcoholics too...
That one is too many and a hundred isn't enough...
A longing for something that always feels just out of sight...
I think maybe it might be inner peace??
Any suggestions?? Sure could use the answer to that one...
I nearly had 200 days of controlling this, I thought I had this clicked, I know exactly what got me.......a bill, I just needed to stay strong, I panicked and blew it, not fortunes but enough to hurt me.
im in a bad place
I used to come onto this forum quite a while back, and you were such a help, and so kind to me. Please don’t think you can’t do another 200 days again, you most certainly can.
I believe in you and as we all know with any addiction there will be relapses and setbacks on the way.
Dust yourself off you cannot go back in time. Start again one day at a time, and please be kind to yourself.
All is not lost, 1 setback doesn’t mean failure. Keep going holycrosser and rack those days back up. Much love
So, previously I have been successful a few times at stopping gambling altogether, I'm self excluded online everywhere, but the last few months I've been hitting the small casinos, either in evenings or in-between work, it's literally out of control, I lost a load of money over a period , won some back and then lost again, recently winning a lot back then shovelling it all away again plus more.
I'm just throwing away money all the time and I'm sick to death of it. It's taking over my life and making me feel physically ill.
I have a pretty good income and a good job I just can't understand why I turn to these money grabbing places, I can only assume I'm constantly chasing it.
I'm crying out for advice here from fellow problem gamblers that have succeeded in stopping the gambling, what's your suggestions please?
Step 1, you need to realise that you are paying for a turn and that there are no guarantees that you are going to get anything back in return ie no return guaranteed! Notice the phrase “no return “and think of that as your first boundary.
Step 2, The reason you keep going back in to gamble is because your a loyal person but your loyalty is at a cost greater to you as you come out of the relationship you were offered at the start with little or nothing. Your second boundary has been violated by the other side of the relationship.
Step 3, You at some stage in your young years must have done something quite small that gave you a buzz that was a great feeling an excitement that gave you a great feeling and this has stuck with you deep down inside. This gave you a feeling that was better than any and that feeling was good. The first time you won a gamble that feeling came back but you did not recognise it as a boundary broken and you let this broken boundary trick your mind into thinking you did something good again and that good feeling you had back when you did a good thing return thinking you would get something back in return but you did not feel the moment and feel proud you forgot that way back as a child you did a good thing for nothing but just because your kind personality wanted to do it.
Step 4, When you start gambling there are insentives to make you do it again and repeat the task regardless of your personality and we fall for it thinking we’re great and we’ve done something good but we get no guarantees we will get anything.
Step 5, At this stage my friend it is time for you to realise that gambling is the same as trying to do a good deed for someone. You accept that if you do something nice for them like deposit they will be nice back to you and say thank you for being nice to us in return we will make you feel happy and maybe you will get something back in return for being nice or good but they don’t guarantee it they’ve just fooled you into thinking that your going to get something back but your not really going to get anything the only thing your going to get is a slight buzz when you deposit. The nice feeling you got in the beginning was the only time you would feel that genuinely and the rest of the time they were able to make you feel that it was your fault that you lost it rather like an abusive partner who blames you for everything and losing that good relationship you once had.
Step 6, The time has now come to say to gambling is now you say to it like a bad partner is that “ we’re are over , I’m finishing with you and once I leave I will be much better off “ you have to be strong and not return like your sorry you left. You have to say to yourself that you were both wrong for each other and it just did not work out. Of course you will be upset and down for a while but you will get through it. The next few days will be tough but once you start giving yourself praise for being good to yourself you will start to walk taller and hold your head up. It may seem a very hard thing to do but you will get better and very good at treating yourself and getting something back in return. Occupy yourself with something outdoors that does not require spending any money such as running or cleaning your drive. When was the last time you polished your shoes or gave yourself a really good 1 hour walk in the fresh air. Wake up ! Don’t be a mug to these big boys who work hard at taking your money so easily out of your pocket, their strategy is far too great for you to beat just stick to doing nice things for people your own size and in small doses that does not take anything away from caring for yourself. Hope this gets through to you and good luck
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