I went to have the hottest chicken wings ive ever had just to try, after that I went to gym(sauna), and saw lots of nice looking girls, thought let me gamble £20 to win back £70, and anyway kept chasing my losses at roulette in the bookies and last abt 500.
I was being so carefull with money then i do this
Also I was gona absiten for a month from women etc, to save myself
I was on my own.
If anyone can pinpoint why I gambled today would be really helpfull please.
You made a good start to the day by doing some positive fun things. However you will find and have found that relapses can happen at any time and any place without the sort of blocks that help shut it down.
You may have been feeling all sorts of emotions. I could feel excited one day that things were going well which triggered the feeling that I was invincible. I may have seen a good looking woman which liften my spirits or just felt the day was going well.
This can lead to the just a tenner...I feel great...I will win and it will round up a good day........ so what can it hurt feeling...only it never is for compulsive gamblers and it always hurts big time!
Its also tied up with an emptiness in my soul...ie the good looking woman walked the other way and I would never have introduced myself anyway. I could have been at the gym having a good workout but still felt restless and lonely afterwards...gambling was a shot into the vein for me for all these reasons and more.
You gambled because there is no rhyme or reason to it other than triggers or combinations of them.
You must step it up. All those bookies you should be blocked from. Being alone with money is actually a critical warning sign. I sometimes felt i could take on the world and would end up gambling. Then you may have thought about gambling but couldnt do it...so you would have gone back to the sauna restaurant or anything but gambling.
If you havent the time money or the location it breaks it. You will like any addiction have to enter the cold turkey phase which isnt as bad as it sounds with gambling. Thoughts are not actions so they cant harm you like putting gambling into action
Self exclusions and very limited money in your pocket is the only way Im afraid. You are dealing with a strong addiction which works on our very chemical feelings...thats all we are a bunch of chemicals, neuron paths and nerve endings.
You cant be on your own if possible and I will not go into pubs on my own now because it highlights how lonely I am and I would most probably go over to machines.
I am man enough to admit I was a vain, neurotic, anxious, lonely, deeply empty, mess that could look ok and smile on the outside. I could function in certian areas of my life but couldnt cope in others
You have to work through why you trigger because you know its painful to gamble to extinction.
There are reasons why and you have to be man enough to face them, get some counselling and deal with them.
If you dont step up your blocks Im afraid you will relapse again and again. You need close personal support and you need to be living on an allowance if possible.....That stops it and for now thats what you need to do. You can then build a healthy mind.
You must keep learning what you are dealing with here
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
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