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How to appear normal with this problem  

 
mickypitt
(@mickypitt)

Seeking some advice.

I have a job with a very responsible financial institution that cannot ever know the extent of my gambling problems (or I will lose my job)but I keep worrying,stressing and am paranoid about dealing with the regular comments made about the lotto,betting in general on occasions and the fact I am the only person in the entire office who doesn’t do the lotto syndicate and they continue to ask me.Mainly because they seem fascinated that I don’t do it.

I am very weak in these situations as I want to advise that gambling has caused me issues but am fearful this will be construed badly and also I am relatively junior in rank in the office.They keep asking me and ribbing me about not getting involved and it triggers me to be depressed and worry I will confide too much or jeopardize my job and anonymity if I advise senior managers to ask them to stop.

I know I should just tell them NO and f**k off in a friendly way so to speak but the office is so high brow that I find it hard to not seem weird for not doing it,anti-social etc..and I HATE when the weekly conversation arises and the lotto money is collected.No excuse but it is genuinely the part of the week I fear the most and I find it triggers me back to my own relapses.

Any tips on how to get round these awkward situations?

If it continues,I may advise hr that I stopped gambling years ago and ask them to send a mail to the relevant people to put something more solid in place so they don’t keep asking me!

Ideas?

Quote
Posted : 15th July 2020 7:47 pm
Chris.UK
(@chris-uk)

@mickypitt

I know what you mean. I had a similar situation with a job where an outside worker came in and was giving away scratchcard scored every appointment made. My company knew my problem but still, despite me saying that I didn't want a scratchcard, she could give it to the boss or one of my colleagues she kept on and on. I felt like I had to explain myself to counter every reason she had for why I should take one. What happens if so and so wins the jackpot? I've bought them now, seems a shame to let them go to waste. Why don't you want one? And on and on. Ultimately on that evening I just said no so many times that even my colleagues told her to stop going on.

i then remembered something which I had been told which I myself had told others.

"No thanks, I don't gamble any more". 

Thats it. You don't need to elaborate at all. "No thanks, I don't gamble any more ". 

See if that helps.

Chris.

This post was modified 4 weeks ago by Chris.UK
ReplyQuote
Posted : 15th July 2020 8:23 pm
RouletteRegret
(@rouletteregret)

Hi Micky,

I’ve had this issue before with lotto syndicate. I tell people I’m going to be rich but I don’t want it for free I want to work for it. I let the individual take that as he pleases. They either take it light hearted and have a laugh or they can think I’m up my own a**e. Either way I genuinely don’t care.

I hope you can resolve your issue and don’t let it bother you too much. You don’t have to explain yourself to anybody.

RR

ReplyQuote
Posted : 15th July 2020 11:10 pm
Joydivider
(@joydivider)

Hi MP

You shouldnt have to explain yourself to anybody who doesnt need to know so this can be an awkward issue depending on what your office is like.

Ive worked in some real false backbiting offices where they weren't friendly to begin with. An issue with sweepstakes or syndicates could be used as ammunition that you are anti social in order to put you down.

The other issue is that in a financial office I would not tell them of any gambling problem....it just doesnt go well for you even though you are sensible and good at your job. Ive worked in banks and credit control...it just doesnt look good to mention money issues with gambling

The crux is that you shouldnt have to appear normal...what is normal to these people? Some will never be friendly to you but expect you to play along with their gambling notions. There is always somebody round collecting the money as if it makes them the life and soul of the office. To me its a lazy way of bonding and you always have to have the money ready. I actually see it as a form of mild bullying and control.

So it depends on your office and how you feel about it. I have always thought that its never a good idea to inform work colleagues about my addiction...too much two faced behaviour in the office and it can be about playing the game to survive.

You should essentially be proud not to gamble but some people don't understand and they get the hump to suit their own agenda.

Its whether you care what they think and it can all be about office politics.

I understand office politics and how important some people make it. You have to be careful how you word it and play it down

All the best 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 16th July 2020 9:19 pm
Horall
(@horall)

I tell people that I don’t gamble for religious reasons, they are then so worried about tripping over diversity rules that they don’t mention it again 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 18th July 2020 6:26 pm
Kevthekev40
(@kevthekev40)

Hiya MP 

I would just tell them you don't believe in gambling as it's the way you feel. Surely then they should stop asking you as it's a form off discrimination plus if they keep asking then go to hr but you don't have to let them know you've got a problem as it's none of there business. But I can get you and I've worked in situations even when they used to do football cards for charity I found that very hard, I suppose it's down to how you feel best yourself as what's right for me to reply may not feel comfortable for you. At the end of the day just take whatever someone on the site has suggested and you feel best going with,  I hope you get this sorted as it's not fair you dreading this time off week comming through. 

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 18th July 2020 11:52 pm
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